M.I.A. (and no I am not talking about my daughter . lol)

Wow....feels surreal being on here. Not all together sure why I am either. Maybe it's because I feel bad that I have dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe it's because I am outrageously lonely and depressed right now. Or maybe it's because Macsen's HOME day is rapidly approaching. Whatever the case...here I am.

I first want to apologize for my "absence". Life has marched on whether I like it or not and I have been working really hard to make money, raise precocious daughters alone, finalize a divorce and ultimately...NOT GO CRAZY! Sadly, I have failed pretty much at all of the above. I am over whelmed and tired and quite frankly: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! : )

Tonight I just want to say hello. I miss this and I don't if that makes sense. The ministry has really had to take a back seat because I have little people to feed and the ministry wasn't doing that. I will hopefully get more frequent on here....if nothing else to share my testimony about how hard things can be, and yet somewhere in it all....God is still there. Even if, for the moment, you feel as I do like He might have gone on vacation as far as you are concerned. LOL

sweet dreams and good night all.....

Mother's Day

Loved. Strong. Able. Inspiring. Lovable. Incredible. Devoted. Amazing. Thoughtful. Beautiful. Encouraging. Resourceful. Creative. Doting. Energizing. Thorough. Selfless. Hopeful. Committed. Important. Blessed.

If you are a mommmy, of babies here. Or babies in Heaven....you are all of these...

and so much more!

Happy Mother's Day

{Please leave a note-tell your name, & then name all of those sweet babies you have! I'll start:}

Hi, my name is Megan. I have THREE babies! Mia Brooke 7, Maizy Bly 4, and Macsen Danforth...living with Jesus since Dec. 2007. Until we meet again sweet little man! I love all three of you! I am so blessed!

{HE IS RISEN}

I am praying we all have a peaceful and hopeful Easter! That today we would be washed anew with the great Love that was shown to us, and the awesome power Jesus had to concquer death and the grave! He has given us that same power if we live for Him! JESUS POUR OUT YOUR SPIRIT THAT WE WOULD KNOW AND WALK IN THAT POWER AND AUTHORITY MORE INTENSELY! TO YOU BE THE GLORY!

{First time at this!}

So no kidding...I am crazy for doing this, but I posted my first try at the "Vlogging" thing. (Hate that name btw)

Just want to add here....I didn't mention the ministry because, I guess in my head and heart it totally goes without saying that I am still doing that, and planning to unto I physically can not. Unfortunately, it isn't a great source of income for me and I am seeking other things out on the side! It doesn't mean that it couldn't maybe be the FULL TIME income thing one day! I pray for that daily! But until then, I wanted to share some ideas I have and ask you guys to join me in asking God to order my steps!

Okay...so here it goes! Oh and also...next time I promise to wear make up! ugh!
Oh and don't forget to roll down to bottom to Playlist and pause the O SO AWESOME TUNES before watching! Thanks! Bye!

First time from Megan Gebhardt on Vimeo.

{Run the Race}

Note: scroll to bottom of Playlist and click PAUSE. Then read the following post and hit play on movie clip. (Bear with the first minute...kinda just "there".)

So much I would like to jot down here...so much is going on in my life. The emotions and trials I face are great....but He is Greater. So I am only, for now, going to share with you something that inspired me as a child, and I didn't even know it. Then I saw it again later in life and only then realized just how much it made that impact on me! Many of you may remember the movie done in the early '80's called Chariots of Fire. It was unapologetically a Christian movie, with an intensely faith based message. It won much acclaim, and I look back upon it in my minds eye often as a reminder. The sad truth is that in this "wordly" world we live there is no likely way that movie would do as well today....maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe not. But none the less, it was Christ that was glorified in it. How many of those do you see anymore?

Lately I have been really asked to walk through some dark. The awesome part in doing that is that I am walking CLOSER now with God in it, then when times have been good. That's just the way it works I guess? I no less, then anyone want to have a smooth, happy, tear free, stress less life. But actually, it's all of those things that bring you to that place that make you a stronger person/disciple/believer in His goodness and truth. I wanna be all of those things. I wanna be a "Rock Star" in all of those things to God! (My youngest actually walked up to me the other morning after I finished puttin' on my jewelry and "face" and said "mommy.....you are such a rock star!!!!!" sigh....love her! I want to be that way for God though too. Meaning....I just want to shine bright, have all of the attention I get to aim the focus directly back to the deserving One.)

In this life we will have trouble. But take heart, I have over come the world.

We each have much to endure in this life. But He is there. He is loving us through it all. He is giving us strength through it all. Whether we see or feel it or not. I know for myself, I feel so much of a connection with His presence while worshipping. Yes, hands held high singing out to Him. But worship is more then that....we can worship Him in all we say and do. It's a mindset. When I get focused on a creative endeavor, or a small artsy project....when I sit down to do a box...I feel His pleasure, as the movie says. When we swim in the ocean of His love and gifts He has given us....we are worshipping! FYI...worship is supposed to be fun ya know?!!!! It is....He gave us the desires and talents so we would enjoy Him and use it to share with others. I am believing Him that that is how He is going to make it that these girls and I are fead, clothed, and taken care of. His provision, and His alone!!!! So I'm purposely doing alot of creative things as of late. To be in that sweet spot with my Daddy. His presence is the ONLY place I care to be anymore.

It doesn't hurt there.

I wanted to show the clip from the movie that spoke about His pleasure, but I couldn't find one. This one is no less great, however. I am asking God to sear it to my heart tonight. I needed to hear this so very much tonight, Jesus. Thank you. I hope it speaks to you too...enjoy.....

{The Journey}

So I promise to really be better about getting on here more and doing some needed writing. It's so good for my head to write about this Journey I am on. I did have the privilage of contributing on a project, and I wanna share....check it out!

Thank you Lindsay!

{PrAyEr}

So I have been so stretched lately. I miss writing on here....so much. Soon I will. But truly right now I need some specifics in prayer! Please pray that...

• God will show His mighty hand of favor and blessing concerning the "details" of this divorce and any "support" I am to get- favor on my attorney and her wisdom
• That God would direct my steps and use my talents and gifts (ministry, yes, but also doing Faux wall finishes/furniture refinishing for income) to make it that I can make some $ and be independent of any man and rely souly on God as my provision
• That my girls would lean heavily into God as their "daddy" and see Him in all His faithfulness and glory and not blame me for this road-that super naturally God would reveal TRUTH to them in tender doses and they would be cooperative with me in this transition
• I would be filled with FREAKISH hope and faith!!! (That is a continual prayer of mine, actually). I am losing both on occasion....slowly andpetrified of being without all that my God has promised me and my babies....

In short I know Iam in need of prayer.....

I will keep you posted....if you pray, please pray HARD for me and mine!!!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you..............

{HiS pReSeNcE}

I know it has been a while since my last post, and several of the last have been quite raw and well....ugly. Life is ugly sometimes though. There is so much to say, good and bad, and so many things that I am sifting through. Frankly lately, I have just felt like running away. Just to run away and take a break from my life. To be ushered off into a place of freedom. So tonight instead of posting about the "good and the bad" of my reality, I am running away....

I think being this my 100th post, it is perfectly appropriate. I have called it:

________________________________________________________________

HIS PRESENCE

I know this girl. She isn't like most. Atleast she didn't used to be. She wasn't always so self conscience. Once she used to actually know who she was. What she wanted. She used to be the girl you wanted to be. There was little to nothing that moved her from her place in life. She didn't really know what she wanted but she was okay with that, and felt freedom in just searching life for what it had to offer her. All it had to offer her! She owned every move she made. There wasn't anything that she wasn't willing to try. And as exciting and free as that sounded, that wasn't necessarily always "a friend" to her. She lived as though there was nothing or no one that could get in her way. Zero consequences in life. No ramifications for choices made. Even the bad ones. She did her thing, and she did it with heart. Passion. She lived to live! It was fun. For a while anyway..... but somewhere along the way her freedom felt more like a cage. It was sudden, really. It crept up on her like a shadow in the night. It was never there before. Where had it come from? She didn't know, she just knew that it was there and it wasn't going away! As if that weren't bad enough, there in that cage with her were things she had never known before either. Discomfort was there. Anxiety was in there. She was surrounded by insecurity and felt almost sat on by despair. There was nothing familiar in this cage with her. They were all new inmates with her and they never left her alone. Heckling her....teasing her, badgering her at every opportunity. She was face to face with loneliness. It felt so dark. So sad....

One unexpected night, something happened. SomeONE happened really. there she was in her cage, sad and alone and so far from the girl she had once been. When in came the presence of someone she had never known! She had always heard of Him. Thought about Him even....but never had she known His actual presence. In His presence she felt none of those things that had haunted her in that cage. Every bit of it had left. She stood there, alone in His presence and felt a newness that she too had never felt. She felt strong, hopeful. She felt peace. She felt like she was fully alive and filled with this sensation of royalty that words really would only weakly describe it's enormity. She felt whole, and she most certainly felt free from her cage. No longer was she to dwell in that darkness. In His presence she was like a wild horse set free to run in the mountains! The girl she had once been, even was a pail comparison to this majestic and light filled wild horse she had now become.

That freedom was intoxicating. It was oxygen to her and she breathed it in fully! The landscape of freedom before her was breathe taking and she felt more at home there then ever any other place. With that beautiful freedom though does come the unpredictable storms. The night air can bring a chill and stir the clouds in such a way that a thunder storm is brewed. Yet never in those storms is she alone. She knows that. The rich royalty blood that flows through her never lets her forget that. She is always watched and waited on, really. That presence she encountered is there. No less now then that first night that she encountered it. He is the light in the lightening. He is the thunder in the thunder. And somehow, in all of the drops of rain and in the gushing winds, He is strengthening His wild horse. Strengthening her to be more like Him. Stronger, more beautiful, and freer then anything she could even imagine.....and when the storm lets up her freedom will be more then she ever conceived. It will be higher, wider and deeper then even the bluest skies!

{FaCeBoOk ThOuGhTs}

So lately, I have been venturing deeply, into the Facebook world. My goodness....so many names I recognize, with faces that have changed so much. Time has changed their eyes, bodies, and expressions. It made me think about mysef. How different do I look to all of them as well? What stands out the most? Because we are around ourselves all the time...so the changes we see are evident and clear to us. But by the same token, because we are around ourselves all the time, I think we miss noticing alot that others spot immediately. I don't so much care about anyone's opinion of me. (Unless of course they wanna tell me how smokin' I'm lookin' especially being that I am a mommy of 3, or tell me how I haven't changed a bit! HA! Then, I'm open to the comments by all means! lol). Truthfully, knowing their opinion of how changed I am emotionally, mentally and spiritually has me far more gripped with interest then anything else. It's what I most care about. Because truely....if they knew me way back when, then it is likely that they would not AT ALL recognize me now! You know why? I hope it's because they see that I am a new creature:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.

~2 Corinthians 5:17

Megan is night and day from the one that most of those people knew. God has put me through some serious training courses in a very short period of time! Intense storms, brutal fires...not because He is mad at me, or making me pay for my immense wrong. On the contrary. Instead He has allowed me to go though them so that I would come out refined. As gold....shiny and bright and more brilliant then if everything had been perfect!



In the midst of any of these trials, believe me when I say that doubt whispers it's wicked voice. Often there are questions of faith and suspicion of this "everlasting love" this God has for me? All lies! As a parent, because we love our babies we give them discipline. We allow them to feel their own consequences after poor decisions have been made. We allow them to feel hurt. Pain. Suffering. Not because we like it. But rather because we love them that much!



God is no different. He authored parenting. He authored love.



So tonight, as possible Facebook "ghosts from my past" read this blog, and see that,
yes my life has had struggles.....and that

time has left it's marks on my face and body, and in my eyes...



my marriage is over.



my son was stillborn and lives in Heaven now.



my future is unsure.



and yet, YES I am a Christian.



One that knows that her Abba loves her and is seeking His best for her, inspite of all the dark that she has had to endure.



She has endured none of it alone. None. Never will she ever!



I pray that anyone that reads this blog sees a God that loves them even when it "looks" other wise. That you remember the great price that was paid for you on the cross of Calvary so that HE could share eternity with you. And until then, you could share in the victory and righteousness that He bought for you to wear here. Now.


So I try and remember to reflect on this as I "surf" Facebook. Every statement I make is a witness to those in my past, present, and future. I will still be real and express some of my trials and silly thoughts. That shows off my humaness. But two, I will share my faith and my hope. That shows off my King!

{FaiThFul ChRiStMaS}

Rest assured that I will never cease to be outrageously honest in whatever I write, for as long as I am given a stage to do so. And so, appropriately, to be BRUTALLY honest, this Christmas hurts. The tree lights are on, but I am walking through a great deal of darkness right now. The Christmas music is playing loud and clear, but my heart is broken. The festivities are taking place, but I am wishing I were locked away from everyone and that the holidays were over already. (If you knew me well...you would know that that is a far cry from who I am. I AM the biggest goober for Christmas that there ever was! At least I used to be....)

Absolutely I miss Macsen. He is so worthy of the incredible void I feel, even as I mommy these sweet girls. I look at them and love them so, but missing him is ALWAYS there.

I have a little boy! A boy that I would love to be tackling in the living room. Love to be dressing like a little athlete. Love to be teaching how to treat a lady, from the "yes mam's", to the "thank yous". And so, so much more......

Macsen....I miss you. ***crying*** My life is so different because of you, and your life. So much more pain, and yet, I am so much better for how it has all played out within me. I wanna see your eyes open up and SEE ME! Your mommy! I wish I could hold your handsomeness in my arms, and talk to you. Rock you to sleep......I love doing that. I love you....

The reality is... life is hard. And to be honest and transparent (cause why on earth be anyway else?) here it goes..... my marriage is finally all but over.

Faithful is something that he is incapable of being, apparently. My heart feels like it is in perpetual break-mode. My future is foggy. I am truthfully, scared. Unsure. Hesitant. Ten years of my life, gone. Do I seriously picture myself EVER putting myself "out there" again, and GIVING my heart to someone so transparently as I have in this? I am trembling at the thought of that tonight......

But the thought of not loving someone, not being intimate....

I think that scares me more. I love LOVE. I have only known it twice, and I think I have only really received it once!? From a man I mean......and it wasn't this man or this marriage. How sad is that....

Here's the deal: Life sucks sometimes! (I should create a line of greeting cards with stuff like that in it! LOL Because lets get real.....life isn't all picket fences and candy canes for some of us all the time! Call it: Feelin' Like Crap Cards ...I am atleast laughing at that! Anyone else....?).

I know that I want to go out having been someone that dreamed big, lived large, gave herself up for, believed the best in people and loved unabashedly! I can still do that. I can pick myself up, lean in on my VERY big God, and with the strength, vision, and faith that He gives me....press on! And live to see a happy ending one day.

I know Christmas is much more then being about my comfort and everything being like a Martha Stewart Magazine party. But I do know it is all about me! It's all about YOU too.... and all about the greatest love that has ever, or will ever be shown anyone of us! He gave us His only son. I can imagine, and imagine well, that that was not easy. May we all grasp it, grip it, and glory in it this Christmas....what a price has been paid that we might know you God?! And know you well! That's what you long for....

You .....who are SO FAITHFUL!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Jesus....that you would leave Heaven to come to know where I dwell and hurt....what love. But that you would take my wrath....how in the world could I not be smitten with you and all that you are!

YOU ARE LOVE!

I LOVE YOU!

{OnE DaY}

Two short years ago tonight, my sweet little man, Macsen, went Home to be with Jesus.


It was busy day. I had a very head-strong little girl to run to and fro at school. Another lover littler girl to tote around as we did some much needed Christmas shopping. All of which, mind you- I was doing while being A HOUSE! I (partly) kid about the fact that that little boy had such an appetite. I distinctly remember one night shortly before "tonight", I had made Maizy's favorite, spaghetti with turkey meat sauce. It is typical on such a night, for her to go back for huge seconds, and the whole family really would go on and on about it! So you might imagine it shocking and humorous to watch me, (looking like a house, remember....I gained almost 60 pounds with him. I know- stop hyperventilating) go back for FOURTHS! We didn't want to know the sex of the baby, but that should have been a slam dunk clue,eh?! the boy, was all boy!


Well tonight, 2 years ago, I was on my kitchen floor, practically having to do yoga just to wrap the simplest of gifts. It was miserable, and I voiced it loud, and often. Less then 24 hours later, however, I was wishing/praying/pleading/begging to be that miserable again! After all, it was a far cry from what my heart was currently enduring and would endure in the days and weeks and months, and I see now, years after....


All I know to say tonight is this: having a child go before you......royally sucks! Hate it...with every fiber of who I am.


My comfort?


He is in PARADISE.


Luke 23:42-43 Then he said, : Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom".


Jesus answered him and said, "I tell you there truth, TODAY you will be with me in paradise".


He is with his CREATOR.


Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.


I will be with him ONE DAY.


2 Timothy 4:18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.


It's just hard not wanting that ONE DAY to be today......


*Tonight, I post also, the first 7 songs on my playlist (below) that "sing" most to me in this sea of grieving my only boy. I hope you will take time to stop. Listen. Hear the words of each...they are so good, and better convey my heart and where I am, want to be, and will be One Day with all of this....... The first song is most definately the ministry "theme" song. I knew it the second I heard it, which was just 2 weeks after "tonight".



Tomorrow I actually held him. A dream really. I was like a 3 year old little girl. Suddenly I realized I have NOTHING in my control. It sealed the deal for my faith, really though. Ironic, yes! I ask that you PLEASE pray for me. I will not be posting for a bit as to just absorb all of this crap, called my life. I know I am not alone...I am being carried! Thank you.....

Macsen, I SO love you! My handsome, bruiser boy! I will see you soon!

Happy 2nd birthday!

{mInIsTrY oF tHe MoNtH}

My sweet Macsen went Home this month just 2 short years ago. So it is with tears in my eyes, that I reflect back on ALL that God has done since then. And to see all the beauty He has brought from my ashes.....

It is a real honor and pleasure for me to share with you, my friend, the Duet Diva. She is an amazingly gifted photographer, writer, friend, and disciple of Christ. She is full of life and the celebration of it! So you can imagine my excitement when she asked if she could put
The Greatest Blessing up as her "Ministry of the Month". Each month she highlights a ministry and shares it with her "blog world" as a way of getting the word out there.

The link to her announcement is here at, When a Duet Becomes a Trio Blog .
(See also the 'I Am a Faithful' button to direct left.)

In light of recent events, and in the anniversary month of my little mans exodus Home, this has blessed my socks off! Thank you Duet Diva!

{aTtItUdE cHaNgE}

The holidays are here.....YEA! (sarcasm) Wish my attitude were better about it, but it just isn't. Now if I had a one way ticket to Aspen maybe I could get a little "WOOP WOOP" out. But...that's just a daydream. (I'm entitled to daydream....check out that picture! sigh)

There is a lot contributing to this 'tude I have about the holidays....but mainly I am just weary from all of life's struggles. How on earth people get through without knowing Jesus, and feeling Him walk with them is totally beyond me! I would be a wreck. I likely would not even still be alive. My attitude stinks, but I can make the most of it. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my favorite times of year. There is something about the way everyone embraces life through the festivities that has just always sung to my soul. Why can't we be that way all the time? It's a love/hate thing now that I have about my Macsen going Home around Christmas though. I think, "how appropriate that he went there when we celebrate when Jesus came here", but then I think of how much I want him here to celebrate with his 2 big sissys and daddy and mommy that love and miss him so. But I know his celebration there, far surpasses any we could have here. (It's just me feelin' a bit sorry for myself is all. And that's okay sometimes I think. It's not like I lost my sucker! My son is not here to have and hold!)

I will make a choice, however, to press into the One that is clearly the only reason I have any strength to have done anything I have done up until this point. I will make the food, and have the things planned to make the holidays magical and lovely for my babies. I can do that....and I bet in the process I will have my heart changed.

Today is as good as I choose for it to be. Believing' in a heart change from the One that can do it. He can do anything!!!!!

{tHe ArTiClE}

A year ago this weekend ....

Sigh...I wish that because another year has already passed it means that things are easier somehow. It's not so much. Just another year closer to me being with my boy!

That's a good thing!

{PrAyInG GoD's wOrD}

Hello to all in blog world! I have been M.I.A as of late- huh?!! Not really, just very busy doing some fine tuning for ministry and getting my wits about me in my personal life. (I've pretty much given up on that ever happening though! HA! Just kidding...not really!)

Ok....so quick post. I need to get my hind end together and get the pics for the studio up here. I know, I know...I said it was gonna be this time, but alas, it's not. : ( I WILL do it shortly and WOW you all with how cute it is! If I do say so myself. : )

So, Living Proof Ministries , i.e. Beth Moore is quite possible one of the most awe inspiring ministries out there and has had direct impact on my life. I mentioned that I was in touch with them about getting the Praying God's Word Day by Day book to be donated in a large quantity, that I may place a copy in every box! (How cool would that be?!!!!) The ladies I dealt with were so gentle and thoughtful and certainly did all that they could do. Because of Beth's immense popularity, and I assume also the recent craze over this particular book, she was able to donate a few, but a great deal less then I was hoping for. Their ministry gets so many requests and they are unable to fill all of them, understandably. I would be lieing if I didn't say how very bummed I was about that. This book is really the meat of the box. God's word...sharper then any two edged sword, and totally God's love letter to each of these precious ladies. However, all is not lost! With my EIN number I will be able to go directly to the publisher and get a "ministry discount" on a large order. (Large being 75 plus books!) I figured the total to come to something like $700. A lot, yes, but well worth it! Now I have been praying about what to do. Just knee jerk reaction and buy them out right now?! The ministry account has that, and it could totally be covered. OR...step out in faith and believe that God is going to move in the heart/hearts of people to give for such a worthy cause! I am putting it out there to have others join me in praying for such favor. If the money were raised exclusively for the books, then the ministry account balance could continue to be used directly toward the supplies to make the boxes and the ever increasing gifts that go inside. Anyway you look at it, The Greatest Blessing will be blessed. If only half that amount were donated there is always the ministry account to fall back on and then the sting won't be as strong!

Prayer works, and I hope that my life and this ministry will be clear evidence to that! How thrilling it will be to offer, straight from the Father to these, possibly unsaved people.

On a lighter note, be on the look out for some updating on the blog. FINALLY! I know. I have been struggling to keep all the balls in the air in a smooth and seamless manner. (I am so not a juggler!) I am really new at ALL OF THIS! Bear with me, please.

I am always grateful to share the latest happenings with this ministry. It is indeed the way I can love my Macsen here on earth, and by giving my life away to others, I love my King! The One and only!My heart is so blessed and grateful for your prayers and encouraging words! You have no idea how much I am it edifies my spirit by those that take the time to email or leave a message. My home is not experiencing ultimate deliverance yet! It will, I believe...we serve a God that should very appropriately be called, The Extravagant One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He loves us so much....it is the only truth that keeps me going! Press on dear ones....

{i MiSs YoU}

Little man....I hate being apart from you! There is no nice/Christiany/strong/courageous way to say it! I MISS YOU!

I will be with you one day though!

I love my Macsen! My only boy....mommy loves you so! You are a mighty soldier and a saint!

Today, as I do everyday....I remember you!

I miss you!

{tRaInInG cAmP}

So I would like to say that I have been away on a extended trip to Italy, living in 200 year old villa, getting in with the locals, but....I haven't! (Sounds like a fine time though, huh? sigh) In all actuality I have been running kids to and from school, dance class, making healthy meals, sifting through the excesses we have accumulated over the years and adjusting to and embracing all the humanness of myself and my husband and the great deal of stuff we are walking through. In all truth, it's been daunting. Hard. Unglamorous. It has been real life. The real life of a Christian.

Did things get harder or easier for you as you started your walk with Christ? Cause mine, after I got serious about it, got harder. Harder in that the battle with my flesh was never more real. I became acutely aware of the war that was waging against my very soul. I am so glad I chose the right team to play for. It still doesn't change the fact that training camp is rough.

Training camp has been wearing on me lately. My spirit has been restless and frankly impatient. I thought the "gimme-gimmie's" and the "I want it and I want it now's" were supposed to stop when we became adults. Not so. Not with me anyway. Thank goodness His mercies are new everyday, huh?!

God is good. He has been holding me a lot lately. Whispering encouragement to me knowing that training camp has me run ragged lately. The ministry has been slower as of late. Of course I like that because it would seem there are little to no babies that are having to be released into His arms. But I really believe God has given me a breather lately. He knows how much energy restoring a marriage is. He knows that I have a real spirit of excellence that wants to make the boxes all that they can be, and have the ministry run in a way that is as efficient and effective as possible. I have spent a lot of time pulling together my studio. It's nothing you might find on HGTV, but I am proud of it's creation from a low budget, it's warmth, order, and personality. It's somewhere I feel free and creative. That's what it's all about. Be looking for a soon coming post with pictures! Yeah!

Training camp is hard. But it is temporary. If you are struggling, feeling worn and tired - keep pressing in to the One that gives us all we need!

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Phillipians 4:13

{vIsIoN}

The past few weeks have been rough here. Just when you think the tides of change toward good arise, the enemy rears his ugly head once more. He is just relentless isn't he? But he is no match for the Lord! Because their is restoration and deliverance in my house, satan is stirred and utterly pissed off. Breaking up marriages and families is his delight and aim. He was unsuccessful and he sits by and stews over it. But not so much that he doesn't change tactics and make futile attempts to do more harm. That being said, I again come humbly before anyone reading and ask that you lift us to the alter. That God would empower, strengthen and equip us to put satan under our feet....where he belongs and is destined to be for all eternity. Hallelujah!

I have reflected lately on where God has rescued me from, and I can still sit in awe and amazement. It's so good for us to recall where we were. It makes where we are going so much clearer and easier to strive toward.

I am much simpler then I was. I am far more broken and therefore that much stronger. Stronger because I know that the hand in which I hold, King Jesus' ,is the only hand worth holding, loving, and dieing for! It's because of the cross that we can have REAL hope in Heaven!

Last night I was in church and frankly in a really stale place in my spirit. Relentless attacks from satan, adjustments in my home, and plain mundane stuff had me by the throat. I was at church, but wanted to be anywhere else but there. All of the mundane was responsible for this place I was in, yes. But there was more. I was looking square in the face, that just 22 months ago Macsen had gone ahead home. This grief thing sucks. It comes up to bite you in the butt out of nowhere sometimes. Not that I was ever "over it". You never are... but you get to places of more peace and certainty of their happiness vs. yours, and then things aren't "so bad". But lately my heart has been with Macsen. Long, far away from these early morning trips to take my girls to school, or the nights on the floor playing games....I have been with Macsen in my head and heart. So the other night at church I just was so sick and tired of Megan and her whiny attitude that I had to just get before God and tell Him I love Him and worship Him knowing it was the very thing my little guy was doing and knowing that getting my eyes on Him were nothing but good for me! So as I dove in head first to worship, it was no time at all that I was lost in it. Lost and suddenly had a very clear vision in my mind:

Jesus standing before me, and in His arms He held a sweet little man. He looked nearly 2. Very alive. Very sweet and happy. Very boy : ). They both stood before me waving, and saying "Hello!", as they gestured "hello" with their hands. You know how much more animated and interactive you are when you are with small children...you motion the way you hope them to copy you?! In that moment I was being given a peace shower . Covered from head to toe with nothing but Him, His promises, and His encouragement to keep, keepin' on!

Shortly later I was taking my very active 6 year old to the restroom. She is very independent, of course, and asked that I just wait for her in the lobby. I reluctantly did and leaned up against the back wall to be in clear view for her while still not "hovering" over her. Waiting several feet away was a young mom that I had been acquainted with years ago. She and I were pregnant together and she was due shortly after Macsen was "due". Being that Macsen was stillborn just one week from his due date, you can imaging the relative closeness in age that these 2 babies would have been in. She ended up having a boy, and he is very healthy and strong. So as she and her little guy stood there, of course I see him and think (you can't help to really) of the size that Macsen would be now. Different looking yes, but so similar in size and development. I told myself not to look at him, as I knew it would be hard...but just as I had that thought I looked anyway. Just as I did, he and his mom were parting ways with someone they knew. And like all little one's he was very happy to display his involvement in the exit, even if he didn't fully grip what that was. He stood strong on his own, wearing "all boy" clothes, and waved biggly, and suredly and said loudly "hi"! So cute...they were leaving and he was saying hi?! (At least that was what I heard.) I quickly spotted my Mia, and off we went to her class. The quicker I get away, the better, I thought.

About an hour later I was in my bible study class, engulfed in the teaching and very much with my head on the Kingdom. It was in that moment that the Holy Spirit made the connection in my head, heart, and spirit:

Macsen is happy. He is with me! He is waiting to see you,

but encouraging you and cheering you on from on high!

Whoa! It was really all I could do to not break out in tears...but why? Really?

He is F I N E!

And eager to see me thrive and persevere for the glory of our King!

To anyone needing encouragement: this vision is for you too! I am not the only one with a voice on high praying for me! We all have one. Little or big, old, or young....Jesus is there, and He alone is seeking the Father for favor for me and for YOU! Remember that ....

Remember: HOLD FAST... help is on the way!

{wOrShIp}

Today I am feeling very led to extend encouragement to someone reading. I know what it is like to still have days where pain rears it's ugly head and your mind can go to a place of real despair and sorrow. I actually just had a couple of those days this last week. Satan is relentless. But he isn't as relentless as our God!!! Gosh...He loves you so much!

There has not ever been a day that goes by that I do not think of my baby boy. There has yet to be a day that I do not miss him. There are very often thoughts that take me to the what if's. But... remembering where he is brings my heart joy. Remembering who he is with brings my heart peace. To know that these little ones that we love so much are being cared for by the very One that knit them in our womb and is the ONLY possible One that could love them even more then we do- what a balm to my broken heart that is. I pray it is for you too.

I can't remember if I shared the story of the morning I heard God speak so clearly into my heart or not. But I will share it again.

One morning very soon after Macsen went Home, I was in my bedroom folding laundry. (Not my all time favorite domestic chore mind you. But I try to do it with a grateful heart.

\Bahumbug. LOL)

I was folding the clothes and my head and heart were not there, they were with Macsen...or desperately trying to be, anyhow. I began to cry uncontrollable recalling the in fathomable hurt and trauma I had just endured. There are no words. Stillbirth. I cried out to God,"I don't want to do this anymore! I just want to be with Macsen, God! I want to be doing what he is doing!" As clearly as I have ever "heard" God speak to me He said without hesitation, "He is worshipping me." My heart was pounding out of my chest as I received the words that I reflect on now more then any other I have ever heard. If that is what he is doing, I thought....I want to be doing that.

I want to encourage us ALL today to do what I am very sure our sweet little ones are doing!

They are worshipping. They are a part of a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1) that are in paradise rooting for us to keep pressing on toward the goal!

Let's resolve today to worship! Turn up the music loud, sing with all of our hearts, and make satan shut his mouth as we praise the God that loves us so much that He actually died for us!

I can close my eyes and see my boy now!

Sing baby, sing!!!!!!! Until we meet again...I love you!

{PiEcEs Of My MiNd}

Every once in a while I come across a blog that mentions something about the fact that their current post is somewhat "random". Many thoughts tied together with little to no rhythm or flow. That would most definitely be what this is. Or what I call, Pieces of my mind.

I have a lot in my head and heart that I have been wanting to put down "on paper". You know originally this blog started out as my "journal". Somewhere along the way it became more. More in a good way. Good because of all the incredible people I have "met", encouraging stories I have read, and the unmistakable kinship I now have with so many whom also know what it feels like to have a little one living in Heaven. And the goodness and grace that can come from it.

There has been so much I have been meditating on throughout the last several months. It was about the time I got my hands on Crazy Love by Francis Chan. There are so many practical challenges threaded throughout the whole book. And the amazing thing is how his leading from Holy Spirit presents it in a way that is challenging, not condemning. I am so sick of books that go something like this: God is good. You are bad. Try harder!

WHAT? ICK!

Francis really puts it bluntly and stirred in me so very much. Including how even the stuff we put before our eyes (i.e. the computer) are forming our thinking in more ways then we fully recognize. Or rather creating us to possibly be lukewarm Christians. He challenges how ridiculously extravagantly it is that we are living in our $300. jeans, in a 3400 square foot homes for 3 people while many are in need of housing. He points out to us that just because lets say we are married to a really looked upto figure in the Christian community, or that because we have a really poetic way of "sounding" so spiritual that somehow that is being a desciple?! On and on and on He goes. It has caused me to pause and really step out of myself to look at who it I am really being. Interesting how we think nothing bad about being a fanatic for things like sports, clothes, tv shows, but we don't dare being fanatical about Jesus! (He only DIED for us! ***sarcasm***) Which brings me to the next "random" thing I have been thinking about.

Do I want to be on the computer for hours on end when the Lord comes back? Now, don't misunderstand....I realize that being on the computer is a very real part of many of our ministries, mine included. We've likely all been there- reading emails, writing posts, editing pictures, twittering unimportant thoughts? Huh...what are we doing? Dumb! But as I have been on here, teaching myself how to do ALL of it, I often see how much more is out there to learn. It's like I go to some blogs and I see all these gadgets and gizmo's, tricks and trinkets and I can see beyond them and recognize just how much time, effort, and did I mention TIME goes into getting all of that accomplished! Think about how much time is going into it all. Again...I love this resource but it is so easily the very thing that the enemy can turn to make an idol in our lives and hearts! Let me be very clear....being someone that has first hand felt the effects of what coming to very near divorce can do to you, TIME is something that many marriages and families are lacking. And it is something we do NOT have endless supplies of. It IS the most precious thing we have here on earth. So I go to these sites and one of two things has to be happening. Either spouses and children are missing out on someone or someone is staying up longer and spending more time doing "computer stuff" then likely should. (OUCH. Did I just say that?!)

It can become an idol though. Your ministry can become an idol! Really anything that we spend more time on that isn't worshipping, learning about, or edifying with God at the center=IDOL! I was at at bible study a few weeks ago, and one of the gals was candidly speaking about, when in the world did we think it made sense for everyone to have their own blog? Who cares? She went onto say, Megan...I can see why someone would go to yours because you keep it about encouragement, challenges, and obviously helping people with the boxes...But I knew better- in that moment to check my pride, and ask God to search my heart to see to it that God and God's people were to be the absolute heartbeat of why I do what I do. It can't be about me. Like she said so appropriately, Who cares?

I want Jesus to be on the throne of my heart. Not my blog. Not this ministry. God has given me the ministry, and it requires a great deal of time and thoughtfulness. I really aim to make all of that a time of worship. After all, the talents and abilities I have are God given anyhow, and it is a very organic overflow for me to make it part of my worship to Him, to use them.

So in segwaying into my next thought, in an effort to not make this blog or ministry an idol I have been led to edit my blog a bit. Something that has made me personally sense this as being more a popularity contest then a stage for me to simply share my testimony and my call to help others is the "followers" gadget. Now it would be really typical for some to have the thought, "well....she didn't have hardly any followers anyhow, (in terms of numbers)so of course she could say this." As true as that may be, I have 23 "followers" versus hundreds or thousands...I'm just frankly not seeing any spiritual reason to keep it there?! I am not doing this for popularity or a "following". I choose to allow the Holy Spirit to be behind ALL the tuggings in hearts to read this blog, pray for this ministry, and "follow" this journey I and my family are on called: life. I do pray this is not translating as judgement onto anyone else in favor of the "following" gadget, it so is not. This is what God has asked me to obey Him in doing. That gadget had a way of stroking pride within me. I want nothing to do with that.

The Greatest Blessing is a blessing to me beyond words. I want Jesus to get all the glory and fame from it that is possible! The very fact that I am being used in any capacity to be His hands and feet is humbling beyond appropriate words. He has taken the ashes and made something beautiful. He has redeemed my sons death and made it's sting fade.

I do long for this ministry to grow, and to be something that you will share with others that are being ushered down this dark and difficult road of mourning a baby. I pray each box is a great piece of light and salt to put into some very hurting hands.

That being said, I am excited to announce that I am sending a proposal to Living Proof Ministries_Beth Moore to see about getting then to team up with me. I have had many suggest putting a Holy Bible within the box, and to be perfectly honest I sort of cringed. Not because I don't believe that in this time of such pain many wouldn't get much from the truth. Obviously it would. But a Bible could be intimidating to someone not familiar with it at all. However, Beth wrote a book that I adore and feel strongly led to have in the box. It's called Praying God's Word Day by Day. Each entry is short, powerful and laced with real testimony of one that has lived without God and knows full well what a saving grace it is to know Him, love Him, and follow Him. Even when times are difficult. I spoke with one of Beth's assistants there at Living Proof and she thought it sounded like such a unique ministry, and one that they would most definitely desire to be a part of! (Excuse me while I jump up and down really quick!!!!!! I am a bit of a fan of Beth! She has been anointed to teach God's word and help many to know Him in a real way like no one I have ever heard! There are few that I feel can relate to the depth of pit God rescued me from like Beth Moore. I believe she most definately can relate!) So I do ask that you be in prayer with me, for God's favor and blessing that this would work out and that each box would be blessed to house a copy for all of it's recipients. It will be an addition I am most honored to give!

I am also seeking having something elegant and pampering in the bubble bath/lotion realm to add to the boxes. If anyone reading knows of a vendor that might be interested in teaming with me to help get something like that available to me to put in the boxes, I would be most grateful. Just email me the info at megan106@msn.com . And please keep your testimony emails coming in for me as well. Anyone that has had a box sent to them, or has been touched by The Greatest blessing in some way. I am going to get this blog up and running all the title bars seen up above. I am just trying to steward my time right. I know you understand . ; )

I also want to thank, Sue from My Forever Child for donating her largest quantity to date of lapel pins and coupons for any ministry! She is so generous and very gifted. I have seen how touched families are at these precious gems and I am blessed to continue to offer them. It was only a few weeks after my Macsen went Home that I came across her site and bought for myself something very dear to me that I wear every single day. A dog tag with Macsen Danforth etched onto it just below his hand print etching. His right hand....the one I picture holding Jesus'.

So I leave you with a quote my good friend put up on her Face Book the other day:

I am so grateful to God for the incredible gift of free will. Let's use it wisely....