Monday, January 18, 2010

{HiS pReSeNcE}

I know it has been a while since my last post, and several of the last have been quite raw and well....ugly. Life is ugly sometimes though. There is so much to say, good and bad, and so many things that I am sifting through. Frankly lately, I have just felt like running away. Just to run away and take a break from my life. To be ushered off into a place of freedom. So tonight instead of posting about the "good and the bad" of my reality, I am running away....

I think being this my 100th post, it is perfectly appropriate. I have called it:



I know this girl. She isn't like most. Atleast she didn't used to be. She wasn't always so self conscience. Once she used to actually know who she was. What she wanted. She used to be the girl you wanted to be. There was little to nothing that moved her from her place in life. She didn't really know what she wanted but she was okay with that, and felt freedom in just searching life for what it had to offer her. All it had to offer her! She owned every move she made. There wasn't anything that she wasn't willing to try. And as exciting and free as that sounded, that wasn't necessarily always "a friend" to her. She lived as though there was nothing or no one that could get in her way. Zero consequences in life. No ramifications for choices made. Even the bad ones. She did her thing, and she did it with heart. Passion. She lived to live! It was fun. For a while anyway..... but somewhere along the way her freedom felt more like a cage. It was sudden, really. It crept up on her like a shadow in the night. It was never there before. Where had it come from? She didn't know, she just knew that it was there and it wasn't going away! As if that weren't bad enough, there in that cage with her were things she had never known before either. Discomfort was there. Anxiety was in there. She was surrounded by insecurity and felt almost sat on by despair. There was nothing familiar in this cage with her. They were all new inmates with her and they never left her alone. Heckling her....teasing her, badgering her at every opportunity. She was face to face with loneliness. It felt so dark. So sad....

One unexpected night, something happened. SomeONE happened really. there she was in her cage, sad and alone and so far from the girl she had once been. When in came the presence of someone she had never known! She had always heard of Him. Thought about Him even....but never had she known His actual presence. In His presence she felt none of those things that had haunted her in that cage. Every bit of it had left. She stood there, alone in His presence and felt a newness that she too had never felt. She felt strong, hopeful. She felt peace. She felt like she was fully alive and filled with this sensation of royalty that words really would only weakly describe it's enormity. She felt whole, and she most certainly felt free from her cage. No longer was she to dwell in that darkness. In His presence she was like a wild horse set free to run in the mountains! The girl she had once been, even was a pail comparison to this majestic and light filled wild horse she had now become.

That freedom was intoxicating. It was oxygen to her and she breathed it in fully! The landscape of freedom before her was breathe taking and she felt more at home there then ever any other place. With that beautiful freedom though does come the unpredictable storms. The night air can bring a chill and stir the clouds in such a way that a thunder storm is brewed. Yet never in those storms is she alone. She knows that. The rich royalty blood that flows through her never lets her forget that. She is always watched and waited on, really. That presence she encountered is there. No less now then that first night that she encountered it. He is the light in the lightening. He is the thunder in the thunder. And somehow, in all of the drops of rain and in the gushing winds, He is strengthening His wild horse. Strengthening her to be more like Him. Stronger, more beautiful, and freer then anything she could even imagine.....and when the storm lets up her freedom will be more then she ever conceived. It will be higher, wider and deeper then even the bluest skies!