Wednesday, September 24, 2008
For me, a "legacy" reaches easiest in terms of my little one's and the impression my every move makes upon them. When I look back and really ponder my own childhood, and all the memories I have, I am astounded at what my mind has been able to retain! Small things, yet huge in their ability to really depict those moments I ponder of my youth. ( It helps me to stay mindful of the small minds I now am a mommy too. God help me be bright!!!!)
The small things are small, but they remind me of my true first brush with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. So many things....small-yet huge. Like the smell of home made bread.The time taken to remind me that others have feelings, and sharing and being kind are right, and necessary. I can remember vividly, as if it were yesterday the times my mom would put extra creativity into things! Those things have so stuck! Huge part of why I now strive to be an *oober* colorful mom. ( Oober was so borrowed from a " mentor/ friend-mom"of mine, Debbie. Hi deb! That word is so great!) Every birthday was special, unique and had something involved about it. Like one year she made a detailed Super Woman on my birthday cake with frosting. (You could even see her little arm bands! I loved Super Woman! ) Small.....but big to me. We lived out in the country. Way out in the country I might add, and I can only imagine what a struggle it must have been to dream up things to have us do so we didn't kill each other, nor drive our mom to utter "crazy"! I can so more appreciate that now that I have small people that are ferocious in the "entertain-me-right-now-department". I remember once my mom having my brother and sister and I go out in the October Montana cold to walk around the house a few times on Halloween, only to come through the back porch to a hauntingly fun feast. The lights were dimmed , only lit by candles, my mom was in a costume, (for whatever reason, I have deleted the what costume it was from my mind! RANDOM) and the table was set with crazy, sugary treats, scary prizes and spooky everything! All translated by my small eyes as: LOVE! She put time, energy, thought, time and SELFISHNESS into being a mommy. Being a good parent, i am seeing, can be pretty much rapped up in that one word. I still have to work on that.
I pray that as my babies look back upon the life of their mommy, that they see a woman that first and foremost loved! Loved them, loved God, loved life and all that He had written for the life He had for her. I pray that they see that despite the pain that came my way, and the heartache that I did not choose nor create: Mommy faced it knowing that she is loved by a God that surpasses our own reasoning, intellect, and our own human ability to love. It was Him. It was Him that carried mommy. It was Him that gave her ability where it looked impossible. It was Him that whispered visions into her ears. It was Him that kept her striving towards hope. It was Him that never did leave her nor forsake her. It was Him. It was always Him. He is so good. He loved my mommy, and I know He loves me!
I know that each of us, as mother's, friend's, daughter's, and wive's desire to leave a legacy worthy of leaving! And I pray it's a desire to leave a legacy that doesn't embellish us .....but instead magnifies HIM! I love you God.
The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the
name of the wicked will rot. ~ Proverbs 10:7
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Meditation upon that verse alone can transform every facet of our lives. It encompasses hope. It is all about FAITH. Something I must admit that has been rattled more lately, then in all of my days before. I KNOW that I love Jesus. I know that His word is TRUTH. I know that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. I can hear my sweet pretty little Mia Brooke saying, "mommy what does forsake mean?" Once more my 6 year old leaves me stumped to know how to answer her in a way she can grasp. A way I can grasp?! So again I am drawn to a source beyond myself....
THE DICTIONARY. (I for one am grateful for it....humble enough to admit I use it often. As I do the thesaurus, and my most favorite-the spell check! Thank you Lord for the person you implanted with that vision! So awesome, and so awesomely needed!!!!!!!!)
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Forsake For*sake"\, v. t. [imp. Forsook; p. p. Forsaken; p. pr. & vb. n. Forsaking.] [AS. forsacan to oppose, refuse; for- + sacan to contend, strive; akin to Goth. sakan. See For-, and Sake.]
1. To quit or leave entirely; to desert; to abandon; to depart or withdraw from; to leave; as, false friends and flatterers forsake us in adversity.
If his children forsake my law, and walk not in my judgments. --Ps. lxxxix. 30.
2. To renounce; to reject; to refuse.
If you forsake the offer of their love. --Shak.
Syn: To abandon; quit; desert; fail; relinquish; give up; renounce; reject. See Abandon.
As I go through the process of learning how better to answer my sweet baby girl that has a hunger to know this God I speak of, I am also brought to tears as I learn of His most incredible love for me. A love that I have not seen from any human, nor will I ever. He is there always. Really, whether I like it or not...He is there.
Jesus, even when we are going through the fire, YOU are there. Just as you were with Shadrack, Meshack, and a Bumblebee. (Sorry...seen the Veggie Tales one too many times....Abendigo.)
Thank you that you are there. Nothing gets past you, and nothing happens to me, around me, or inspight of me without first going through your Sovereign hands. And how that makes me love you more! You are always Faithful, True, and Good. You are beyond what any person can offer, pretend or try to imitate! You are the BEST thing that has ever happened to me! And as you are in the presence of all of those that have gone before us, that we dearly love and miss, we are left down here knowing this:
Monday, September 8, 2008
Macsen's exodus Home has brought to light many pieces of a puzzle for me, we might call "purpose". I certainly would not have chosen this path for myself, but I know enough about my Father in Heaven that I know He allowed it because He knows BEST! He loves me and wants to see me soar, that I might glorify HIM.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11
This is such a "staple" verse in the Bible, that I am sure many of you reading, already know. If you don't know it though-memorize it! IT IS TRUTH. IT IS FROM GOD. IT IS FOR YOU!He indeed has a purpose for each of us. I know it will not look like what we think it will, but His plan is perfect. His purpose for you, my friend.... is perfect. Let go, and let Him do His thing! We will never regret being in His will! We will never regret living out our PURPOSE!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
So as I lay in the hospital bed, replaying that night to a few brothers and sisters that were there to grieve with me, it's as if God whispered to me....."I knew that you wouldn't give up your child willingly, Megan. So I went ahead and did it for you." Somewhere in there, He is doing it for me, because He loves me! We may never see all that God is doing for us through our trials. Not on this side of glory, that is. But He IS doing something bigger then me. Bigger then you. And we can rest in knowing we aren't going through it alone.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Remember that God loves you so much, that He willingly gave His son, to take your place that He might be able to spend an eternity with you. I thought I really understood that sacrifice, that night on my sofa. It felt so painful to think of being in the place God was in. Letting go of my son. Only after Macsen went home, did I really, then understand. John 3:16 is far more powerful to me now, then ever before in my life! His love is so great and so strong......HE GAVE HIS SON, JESUS! The same Jesus that now holds my Macsen in His arms! Thank you God for loving me that much. I don't understand it, but I most definately accept it!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Jesus, you are my King. My savior. The lover of my soul. How I long to know you more fully. Fill me and those that have my same cry, with an unquenchable thirst for your word. A thirst that satisfies, yet drowns us in addiction of your love. You are worthy of our hearts, worthy of our minds, worthy of our very lives. Take them in your gentle hands, and use them for your glory. And on that most precious day, that you ride in on the clouds, I would see you, My King, smiling down on me. My Knight, flying in to rescue me unto His eternal Kingdom...where I am welcomed to His feasting table, only to be ushered to my seat, where beside me is my son, Macsen.
SIGH. Pressing on..............................You are worthy, Lord, of my LIFE!