Wednesday, August 27, 2008

{JeSuS tHe OnE aNd OnLy}

My hearts desire is to be devoted to my King. To emanate so much, the love of Jesus, that literally those that I bump into will feel His contagious pull. My heart is so full, and yet so empty to know Him more. How appropriate it is that in the coming weeks my sisters and I will be discovering Him in new ways, through the eyes of Beth Moore, in Jesus the One and Only study. I guess what I mean is, I can honestly say that I am fully in love with Him, but hungry to know Him more then ever in my life! It seems odd to relay that, they seem to cancel each other out. But I truly feel that way inside. After all, His love is so immense, so everlasting that truly "knowing" Him, and "arriving" in the knowledge of Him is something that only our separation from this life, and into death will utterly fulfill! It sounds a bit suicidal, I know,which let me assure you, I most definitely am not! But to know Christ in His entirety, we will have to be with Him in paradise. And so ensues my full-on obsession of reading of Him, singing of Him, thinking of Him, and loving Him until that glorious day arrives. After all, I indeed have a purpose and a plan in this life that is well beyond me and my immediate "comfort". My purpose is to share Him with who are hurting, confused, unsure, sad, alone, and desperately starving for confidence in your eternal rest.

Your place in Heaven with your precious baby.

Your little girl that you crave each night as you go to sleep.

Your sweet boy that you dream of breathing his sweet breathe in your face. I know your pain. I know it, and I know, that were it not for Jesus Christ, and His most capable and loving arms around me and my most outrageous of heartaches......I would be in complete darkness. Alone, and completely without hope. Without hope in Heaven. But to quote from my favorite band, Mercy Me, a song that I so love....

"Hold fast, help is on the way!!!!!"

Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! James5:7-9

Thursday, August 21, 2008

{I cAn CeLeBrAtE!}

Today......I miss Macsen.

Yesterday....I missed him too.

Tomorrow....I will miss him some more........

With each day that goes by,however, that he is not here with me, there are many things I can celebrate. I can celebrate in knowing that there is a heaven and waiting for me there is a sweet little face that I will get to know for the very first time. I can celebrate in knowing my boy sees me, and is praying for me! Knowing that God sees all is clearly enough motivation to press on to righteousness. But having another set of eyes on me, makes it all the more. I think about, how often do we, with our whole being, not feel like doing something, but because
our little one's eye's are on us, we do it anyhow. Do we ever regret when we press past those selfish feelings? To show the light we have deposited in us by the Holy Spirit? The light we so direly want them to have?! I am encouraged in knowing, now that Macsen is Home, there is no time in which my actions will not be seen by small eyes. That is a wake up call! And while I am here,I can celebrate in his big sisters. His sisters that have mannerisms that he may have shared. A laugh just like one of them, a way in which they ask for something with their "small person" voices. As I celebrate in them, I actually, am also celebrating in him! And he sees that. As does our God.....SEE ALL!

But our citizenship is in Heaven. Philippians 3:20

Thursday, August 14, 2008


But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
~Romans 8:24b-25

Life, as of late is very barren. Dry. And without hope. This cool drink of water, which I read this morning has quenched this very thirsty spirit. And of course, patience is not at all a fine tuned fruit in Megan. But hope excites me. It calms me. It reminds me that I am looking to one far greater, more capable and that has my BEST interest at heart. Hope....worth resting in.

1.A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2.Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3.One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
4.often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for
a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
5.Archaic Trust; confidence. are the Alpha and the Omega. What an awesome meditation that is! You know where I have been, and where I am going. And you desire for me to be prosperous
and not be have plans for hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). Praise be to you, Father!
There is nothing that I am going through that is a puzzler to our God. Nothing He has not seen, or did not ordain. He is there. He is protecting. He is hope. He is.

There is no God like Jehovah!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

{My GiFt}

Once upon a time there was a little girl that loved God. She had read of Him and His power and creativity first displayed in His creating all of nature and the earth. As the girl grew, she couldn't explain this innate desire she had to talk to Him. But, as the desire would surface, the girl did what came naturally to her. She would talk to Him. Unbeknownst to her, she had become completely addicted to this practice in her life.

As time went on, she grew tired and hurt. The world was cruel to her. Always promising more and more, never following through with it's promises. People mistreated her and over looked the beauty deep within her. With each new pain that came her way, her talking with God became less and less. Until eventually, she was only speaking to Him when she wanted to ask for something.

One day, God gave her a gift, and she didn't even know it.This gift was like nothing that she had ever received before. It left her feeling heartbroken in a way that she had not known before. This gift was something she could not hold, and could not see. She could not hear it, and she could not feel it. This gift appeared to be without purpose. This gift perplexed the girl and had caused her to stop talking with God.

Eventually this girl felt very alone. Sad and afraid she wondered around, unsure of who she was. She had spent so many years talking with her God, that now that she wasn't any longer, she was without direction. Everything seemed hopeless. Shortly, there after, she realized her sadness could only be healed with one thing. Talking to her God.

Her talking with Him was new, like never before. It had changed somehow. There was a clearness there that hadn't been before. She felt closer and fuller to Him then she ever had. As she looked back upon her journey, everyday she thought of the gift God had given her. It was so unforgettable, yet invisible. But soon she realized, what a gift it actually was. This gift, that she could not hold or see, or hear or feel.... suddenly now she could. It looked different then she thought it would. But it was even more beautiful! And it didn't sound like what she imagined it would. It was so much more! And it certainly did not feel like she had pictured it might. It felt so much better! This gift, still she could not hold.
But one day she will. And when she does.....
she never has to let go!

Macsen are my gift from God. You are the reason that my heart desires God all the more. The reason that my purpose is more vivid. You are my boy, my gift. I love you baby!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

{PoNdErInG pArAdIsE}

You are the very air I breathe. The one that makes my heart beat. The very reason I am here, and the reason I go on. Your sweet word is what I cling to. It is the truth that will keep me from focusing on that which is of less concern....Megan. There is more to life then "happy." There is something called "joy" that you supply in a supernatural way, when nothing around me can describe it. You are unexplainable, unpredictable, unimaginable and unarguably the reason that I press on.

I often wonder what it will feel like to be with you, in a place of perfection that will have no end. To know, and to be fully known. To experience your presence and be secure in the knowledge that this new place will be my Home for all of eternity. I will never hurt or be lied to again. I will be safe and loved and happy beyond any "happy" this world tries to fabricate. This paradise created for me, a place to celebrate Him, our King. No more mirages. No more untruths. No more hurt and pain. No more trials. No more waiting and longing to be with Macsen. I mean really, as if Heaven needed any perks?!
  • Jesus Christ, before our very eyes
  • no more Satan, HALLELUJAH!
  • no more questions unanswered
  • no concern of this "perfection" ending
  • my sweet baby......there for me to hold, love, kiss, know, and forever be with! Never to miss again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Several exclamation points I know, but I want you to really feel my hysteria over that thought!)

God is so good. Were He not to have sent His only son, to take on our hideous sin, this place of paradise would not be ours to press on towards. To be so sure of when we're faced with loss.

Thank you Holy Father. That you loved us so much, that that which was so precious to you, (and some of us know all to well what that may have been like) that you sent your only Son, that we might be given eternity with you. Pour out your Spirit on us! That we would meditate on these daydreams often Father. That we would often ponder paradise! None of our pain is in vain. You are our Redeemer, and we choose to believe! Thank you that it will be rewarded! To you the glory!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

{A gLiMpSe}

There have been moments in my life, that as I walk with the Lord, that I know in the depths of my soul that God is revealing a mystery to me. Giving me a glimpse of the picture, that He has seen to it's end.

There is no question that God is pouring out His spirit, and harvesting many in these days. And though Satan is as oblivious to Christ's glorious return as anyone, he is aware of this harvesting, and it panics him to his core! I feel like screaming "Hallelujah!" at the top of my lungs right now, but actually it took my ladies an extra long time to finally nod off.... so I'll settle for a whisper ."Hallelujah!!!!"

This glimpse that God has shown me is one that some might see as wishful thinking. Others as pure coincidence. They would all be wrong.

Tonight I "accidentally" (nothing my God does is accidental) stumbled upon discovering that one of my favorite christian music groups has very recently shared in the same tragic heartache that I have. Selah, which is made up of a very talented pianist and vocalist, and a brother and sister team that harmonize together in a way that puts goose bumps down your spine, were brought to my attention . Todd, the brother and his wife Angie lost their baby girl this spring. His sister, Nicol, also lost her son (10 weeks old) in May. As I type, I am still absorbing all this. Ironically,I gave birth to both my precious girls to my very worn out Selah cd's! As many of you know, this group is clearly in love with our Lord, and I ache for them now. Just a few weeks ago I heard the news of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter passing, and to my surprise, I soon after became a puddle on my living room floor. I do not even know him or his family! But he is in fact, my brother in Christ, and many know his love of the Lord. The song, "With hope" is like a self prophesy! The timing of it is no accident. I recently learned, also, a Christian gal that has her own internet business for mom's and mom's to-be,(no less). Her son was stillborn in May. Some tima ago,Rick Burgess from the Rick and Bubba radio program, his son, I believe just 2 or 3 drown in their pool. Rick spoke at his boys memorial- and type in Rick Burgess. There are 3 parts......powerful! Utterly worth hearing! Really there are even more believers out there going through a real tsunami of troubles right now. Our God has not left us!

I see all of this loss, and how it is falling upon His children. Now, I know we live in a fallen world, and that death is a part of that. This has come on us with full purpose. I know that Satan is prematurely celebratory as he sits by to see us shrink back. Hoping we turn our back,walk away, even curse God.

Satan... No way. No how! Because God's strength is made perfect in weakness, we're actually like Superheroes in all of this! For me, this has solely emphasized my allegiance to Christ. And I would venture to guess it has done the same for them. Really I see this as such an honor. An honor that He is all knowing, and powerful, and knew this would shake our foundation, but that it would not cause us to crumble!

Each of us are on a platform of some sort. (Granted mine is very small and humble next to these "celebs", but none the less I am being watched by many.) Nothing comes our way as His children, without first passing through His Sovereign hands. Thank you Father! My spirit has been very stirred that God is up to something! Something so much bigger then what we can see is taking place.( Not that He ever "takes a break.") All of these little one's going Home is evidence that He wants us to rise up and praise His holy name, regardless of what this world brings us. Truth be told, this is the hardest hit I have ever had, and to Satan's chagrin.....
I AM STILL STANDING! AND SO ARE THEY! PRAISE YOU KING JESUS! So we will rise each day and bless His name. We will sing and keep our eyes on the clouds!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9