Wednesday, December 30, 2009

{FaCeBoOk ThOuGhTs}

So lately, I have been venturing deeply, into the Facebook world. My many names I recognize, with faces that have changed so much. Time has changed their eyes, bodies, and expressions. It made me think about mysef. How different do I look to all of them as well? What stands out the most? Because we are around ourselves all the the changes we see are evident and clear to us. But by the same token, because we are around ourselves all the time, I think we miss noticing alot that others spot immediately. I don't so much care about anyone's opinion of me. (Unless of course they wanna tell me how smokin' I'm lookin' especially being that I am a mommy of 3, or tell me how I haven't changed a bit! HA! Then, I'm open to the comments by all means! lol). Truthfully, knowing their opinion of how changed I am emotionally, mentally and spiritually has me far more gripped with interest then anything else. It's what I most care about. Because truely....if they knew me way back when, then it is likely that they would not AT ALL recognize me now! You know why? I hope it's because they see that I am a new creature:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.

~2 Corinthians 5:17

Megan is night and day from the one that most of those people knew. God has put me through some serious training courses in a very short period of time! Intense storms, brutal fires...not because He is mad at me, or making me pay for my immense wrong. On the contrary. Instead He has allowed me to go though them so that I would come out refined. As gold....shiny and bright and more brilliant then if everything had been perfect!

In the midst of any of these trials, believe me when I say that doubt whispers it's wicked voice. Often there are questions of faith and suspicion of this "everlasting love" this God has for me? All lies! As a parent, because we love our babies we give them discipline. We allow them to feel their own consequences after poor decisions have been made. We allow them to feel hurt. Pain. Suffering. Not because we like it. But rather because we love them that much!

God is no different. He authored parenting. He authored love.

So tonight, as possible Facebook "ghosts from my past" read this blog, and see that,
yes my life has had struggles.....and that

time has left it's marks on my face and body, and in my eyes...

my marriage is over.

my son was stillborn and lives in Heaven now.

my future is unsure.

and yet, YES I am a Christian.

One that knows that her Abba loves her and is seeking His best for her, inspite of all the dark that she has had to endure.

She has endured none of it alone. None. Never will she ever!

I pray that anyone that reads this blog sees a God that loves them even when it "looks" other wise. That you remember the great price that was paid for you on the cross of Calvary so that HE could share eternity with you. And until then, you could share in the victory and righteousness that He bought for you to wear here. Now.

So I try and remember to reflect on this as I "surf" Facebook. Every statement I make is a witness to those in my past, present, and future. I will still be real and express some of my trials and silly thoughts. That shows off my humaness. But two, I will share my faith and my hope. That shows off my King!

Monday, December 21, 2009

{FaiThFul ChRiStMaS}

Rest assured that I will never cease to be outrageously honest in whatever I write, for as long as I am given a stage to do so. And so, appropriately, to be BRUTALLY honest, this Christmas hurts. The tree lights are on, but I am walking through a great deal of darkness right now. The Christmas music is playing loud and clear, but my heart is broken. The festivities are taking place, but I am wishing I were locked away from everyone and that the holidays were over already. (If you knew me would know that that is a far cry from who I am. I AM the biggest goober for Christmas that there ever was! At least I used to be....)

Absolutely I miss Macsen. He is so worthy of the incredible void I feel, even as I mommy these sweet girls. I look at them and love them so, but missing him is ALWAYS there.
I have a little boy! A boy that I would love to be tackling in the living room. Love to be dressing like a little athlete. Love to be teaching how to treat a lady, from the "yes mam's", to the "thank yous". And so, so much more......

Macsen....I miss you. ***crying*** My life is so different because of you, and your life. So much more pain, and yet, I am so much better for how it has all played out within me. I wanna see your eyes open up and SEE ME! Your mommy! I wish I could hold your handsomeness in my arms, and talk to you. Rock you to sleep......I love doing that. I love you....

The reality is... life is hard. And to be honest and transparent (cause why on earth be anyway else?) here it goes..... my marriage is finally all but over.
Faithful is something that he is incapable of being, apparently. My heart feels like it is in perpetual break-mode. My future is foggy. I am truthfully, scared. Unsure. Hesitant. Ten years of my life, gone. Do I seriously picture myself EVER putting myself "out there" again, and GIVING my heart to someone so transparently as I have in this? I am trembling at the thought of that tonight......

But the thought of not loving someone, not being intimate....

I think that scares me more. I love LOVE. I have only known it twice, and I think I have only really received it once!? From a man I mean......and it wasn't this man or this marriage. How sad is that....

Here's the deal: Life sucks sometimes! (I should create a line of greeting cards with stuff like that in it! LOL Because lets get isn't all picket fences and candy canes for some of us all the time! Call it: Feelin' Like Crap Cards ...I am atleast laughing at that! Anyone else....?).

I know that I want to go out having been someone that dreamed big, lived large, gave herself up for, believed the best in people and loved unabashedly! I can still do that. I can pick myself up, lean in on my VERY big God, and with the strength, vision, and faith that He gives on! And live to see a happy ending one day.

I know Christmas is much more then being about my comfort and everything being like a Martha Stewart Magazine party. But I do know it is all about me! It's all about YOU too.... and all about the greatest love that has ever, or will ever be shown anyone of us! He gave us His only son. I can imagine, and imagine well, that that was not easy. May we all grasp it, grip it, and glory in it this Christmas....what a price has been paid that we might know you God?! And know you well! That's what you long for....

You .....who are SO FAITHFUL!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23
Jesus....that you would leave Heaven to come to know where I dwell and hurt....what love. But that you would take my in the world could I not be smitten with you and all that you are!

Monday, December 14, 2009

{OnE DaY}

Two short years ago tonight, my sweet little man, Macsen, went Home to be with Jesus.

It was busy day. I had a very head-strong little girl to run to and fro at school. Another lover littler girl to tote around as we did some much needed Christmas shopping. All of which, mind you- I was doing while being A HOUSE! I (partly) kid about the fact that that little boy had such an appetite. I distinctly remember one night shortly before "tonight", I had made Maizy's favorite, spaghetti with turkey meat sauce. It is typical on such a night, for her to go back for huge seconds, and the whole family really would go on and on about it! So you might imagine it shocking and humorous to watch me, (looking like a house, remember....I gained almost 60 pounds with him. I know- stop hyperventilating) go back for FOURTHS! We didn't want to know the sex of the baby, but that should have been a slam dunk clue,eh?! the boy, was all boy!

Well tonight, 2 years ago, I was on my kitchen floor, practically having to do yoga just to wrap the simplest of gifts. It was miserable, and I voiced it loud, and often. Less then 24 hours later, however, I was wishing/praying/pleading/begging to be that miserable again! After all, it was a far cry from what my heart was currently enduring and would endure in the days and weeks and months, and I see now, years after....

All I know to say tonight is this: having a child go before you......royally sucks! Hate it...with every fiber of who I am.

My comfort?

He is in PARADISE.

Luke 23:42-43 Then he said, : Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom".

Jesus answered him and said, "I tell you there truth, TODAY you will be with me in paradise".

He is with his CREATOR.

Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.

I will be with him ONE DAY.

2 Timothy 4:18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

It's just hard not wanting that ONE DAY to be today......

*Tonight, I post also, the first 7 songs on my playlist (below) that "sing" most to me in this sea of grieving my only boy. I hope you will take time to stop. Listen. Hear the words of each...they are so good, and better convey my heart and where I am, want to be, and will be One Day with all of this....... The first song is most definately the ministry "theme" song. I knew it the second I heard it, which was just 2 weeks after "tonight".

Tomorrow I actually held him. A dream really. I was like a 3 year old little girl. Suddenly I realized I have NOTHING in my control. It sealed the deal for my faith, really though. Ironic, yes! I ask that you PLEASE pray for me. I will not be posting for a bit as to just absorb all of this crap, called my life. I know I am not alone...I am being carried! Thank you.....

Macsen, I SO love you! My handsome, bruiser boy! I will see you soon!

Happy 2nd birthday!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

{mInIsTrY oF tHe MoNtH}

My sweet Macsen went Home this month just 2 short years ago. So it is with tears in my eyes, that I reflect back on ALL that God has done since then. And to see all the beauty He has brought from my ashes.....

It is a real honor and pleasure for me to share with you, my friend, the Duet Diva. She is an amazingly gifted photographer, writer, friend, and disciple of Christ. She is full of life and the celebration of it! So you can imagine my excitement when she asked if she could put
The Greatest Blessing up as her "Ministry of the Month". Each month she highlights a ministry and shares it with her "blog world" as a way of getting the word out there.

The link to her announcement is here at, When a Duet Becomes a Trio Blog .
(See also the 'I Am a Faithful' button to direct left.)

In light of recent events, and in the anniversary month of my little mans exodus Home, this has blessed my socks off! Thank you Duet Diva!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

{aTtItUdE cHaNgE}

The holidays are here.....YEA! (sarcasm) Wish my attitude were better about it, but it just isn't. Now if I had a one way ticket to Aspen maybe I could get a little "WOOP WOOP" out. But...that's just a daydream. (I'm entitled to daydream....check out that picture! sigh)

There is a lot contributing to this 'tude I have about the holidays....but mainly I am just weary from all of life's struggles. How on earth people get through without knowing Jesus, and feeling Him walk with them is totally beyond me! I would be a wreck. I likely would not even still be alive. My attitude stinks, but I can make the most of it. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my favorite times of year. There is something about the way everyone embraces life through the festivities that has just always sung to my soul. Why can't we be that way all the time? It's a love/hate thing now that I have about my Macsen going Home around Christmas though. I think, "how appropriate that he went there when we celebrate when Jesus came here", but then I think of how much I want him here to celebrate with his 2 big sissys and daddy and mommy that love and miss him so. But I know his celebration there, far surpasses any we could have here. (It's just me feelin' a bit sorry for myself is all. And that's okay sometimes I think. It's not like I lost my sucker! My son is not here to have and hold!)

I will make a choice, however, to press into the One that is clearly the only reason I have any strength to have done anything I have done up until this point. I will make the food, and have the things planned to make the holidays magical and lovely for my babies. I can do that....and I bet in the process I will have my heart changed.

Today is as good as I choose for it to be. Believing' in a heart change from the One that can do it. He can do anything!!!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

{tHe ArTiClE}

A year ago this weekend ....

Sigh...I wish that because another year has already passed it means that things are easier somehow. It's not so much. Just another year closer to me being with my boy!

That's a good thing!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

{PrAyInG GoD's wOrD}

Hello to all in blog world! I have been M.I.A as of late- huh?!! Not really, just very busy doing some fine tuning for ministry and getting my wits about me in my personal life. (I've pretty much given up on that ever happening though! HA! Just kidding...not really!) quick post. I need to get my hind end together and get the pics for the studio up here. I know, I know...I said it was gonna be this time, but alas, it's not. : ( I WILL do it shortly and WOW you all with how cute it is! If I do say so myself. : )

So, Living Proof Ministries , i.e. Beth Moore is quite possible one of the most awe inspiring ministries out there and has had direct impact on my life. I mentioned that I was in touch with them about getting the Praying God's Word Day by Day book to be donated in a large quantity, that I may place a copy in every box! (How cool would that be?!!!!) The ladies I dealt with were so gentle and thoughtful and certainly did all that they could do. Because of Beth's immense popularity, and I assume also the recent craze over this particular book, she was able to donate a few, but a great deal less then I was hoping for. Their ministry gets so many requests and they are unable to fill all of them, understandably. I would be lieing if I didn't say how very bummed I was about that. This book is really the meat of the box. God's word...sharper then any two edged sword, and totally God's love letter to each of these precious ladies. However, all is not lost! With my EIN number I will be able to go directly to the publisher and get a "ministry discount" on a large order. (Large being 75 plus books!) I figured the total to come to something like $700. A lot, yes, but well worth it! Now I have been praying about what to do. Just knee jerk reaction and buy them out right now?! The ministry account has that, and it could totally be covered. OR...step out in faith and believe that God is going to move in the heart/hearts of people to give for such a worthy cause! I am putting it out there to have others join me in praying for such favor. If the money were raised exclusively for the books, then the ministry account balance could continue to be used directly toward the supplies to make the boxes and the ever increasing gifts that go inside. Anyway you look at it, The Greatest Blessing will be blessed. If only half that amount were donated there is always the ministry account to fall back on and then the sting won't be as strong!

Prayer works, and I hope that my life and this ministry will be clear evidence to that! How thrilling it will be to offer, straight from the Father to these, possibly unsaved people.

On a lighter note, be on the look out for some updating on the blog. FINALLY! I know. I have been struggling to keep all the balls in the air in a smooth and seamless manner. (I am so not a juggler!) I am really new at ALL OF THIS! Bear with me, please.

I am always grateful to share the latest happenings with this ministry. It is indeed the way I can love my Macsen here on earth, and by giving my life away to others, I love my King! The One and only!My heart is so blessed and grateful for your prayers and encouraging words! You have no idea how much I am it edifies my spirit by those that take the time to email or leave a message. My home is not experiencing ultimate deliverance yet! It will, I believe...we serve a God that should very appropriately be called, The Extravagant One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He loves us so is the only truth that keeps me going! Press on dear ones....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

{i MiSs YoU}

Little man....I hate being apart from you! There is no nice/Christiany/strong/courageous way to say it! I MISS YOU!
I will be with you one day though!
I love my Macsen! My only boy....mommy loves you so! You are a mighty soldier and a saint!
Today, as I do everyday....I remember you!
I miss you!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

{tRaInInG cAmP}

So I would like to say that I have been away on a extended trip to Italy, living in 200 year old villa, getting in with the locals, but....I haven't! (Sounds like a fine time though, huh? sigh) In all actuality I have been running kids to and from school, dance class, making healthy meals, sifting through the excesses we have accumulated over the years and adjusting to and embracing all the humanness of myself and my husband and the great deal of stuff we are walking through. In all truth, it's been daunting. Hard. Unglamorous. It has been real life. The real life of a Christian.

Did things get harder or easier for you as you started your walk with Christ? Cause mine, after I got serious about it, got harder. Harder in that the battle with my flesh was never more real. I became acutely aware of the war that was waging against my very soul. I am so glad I chose the right team to play for. It still doesn't change the fact that training camp is rough.

Training camp has been wearing on me lately. My spirit has been restless and frankly impatient. I thought the "gimme-gimmie's" and the "I want it and I want it now's" were supposed to stop when we became adults. Not so. Not with me anyway. Thank goodness His mercies are new everyday, huh?!

God is good. He has been holding me a lot lately. Whispering encouragement to me knowing that training camp has me run ragged lately. The ministry has been slower as of late. Of course I like that because it would seem there are little to no babies that are having to be released into His arms. But I really believe God has given me a breather lately. He knows how much energy restoring a marriage is. He knows that I have a real spirit of excellence that wants to make the boxes all that they can be, and have the ministry run in a way that is as efficient and effective as possible. I have spent a lot of time pulling together my studio. It's nothing you might find on HGTV, but I am proud of it's creation from a low budget, it's warmth, order, and personality. It's somewhere I feel free and creative. That's what it's all about. Be looking for a soon coming post with pictures! Yeah!

Training camp is hard. But it is temporary. If you are struggling, feeling worn and tired - keep pressing in to the One that gives us all we need!

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Phillipians 4:13

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


The past few weeks have been rough here. Just when you think the tides of change toward good arise, the enemy rears his ugly head once more. He is just relentless isn't he? But he is no match for the Lord! Because their is restoration and deliverance in my house, satan is stirred and utterly pissed off. Breaking up marriages and families is his delight and aim. He was unsuccessful and he sits by and stews over it. But not so much that he doesn't change tactics and make futile attempts to do more harm. That being said, I again come humbly before anyone reading and ask that you lift us to the alter. That God would empower, strengthen and equip us to put satan under our feet....where he belongs and is destined to be for all eternity. Hallelujah!

I have reflected lately on where God has rescued me from, and I can still sit in awe and amazement. It's so good for us to recall where we were. It makes where we are going so much clearer and easier to strive toward.

I am much simpler then I was. I am far more broken and therefore that much stronger. Stronger because I know that the hand in which I hold, King Jesus' ,is the only hand worth holding, loving, and dieing for! It's because of the cross that we can have REAL hope in Heaven!

Last night I was in church and frankly in a really stale place in my spirit. Relentless attacks from satan, adjustments in my home, and plain mundane stuff had me by the throat. I was at church, but wanted to be anywhere else but there. All of the mundane was responsible for this place I was in, yes. But there was more. I was looking square in the face, that just 22 months ago Macsen had gone ahead home. This grief thing sucks. It comes up to bite you in the butt out of nowhere sometimes. Not that I was ever "over it". You never are... but you get to places of more peace and certainty of their happiness vs. yours, and then things aren't "so bad". But lately my heart has been with Macsen. Long, far away from these early morning trips to take my girls to school, or the nights on the floor playing games....I have been with Macsen in my head and heart. So the other night at church I just was so sick and tired of Megan and her whiny attitude that I had to just get before God and tell Him I love Him and worship Him knowing it was the very thing my little guy was doing and knowing that getting my eyes on Him were nothing but good for me! So as I dove in head first to worship, it was no time at all that I was lost in it. Lost and suddenly had a very clear vision in my mind:

Jesus standing before me, and in His arms He held a sweet little man. He looked nearly 2. Very alive. Very sweet and happy. Very boy : ). They both stood before me waving, and saying "Hello!", as they gestured "hello" with their hands. You know how much more animated and interactive you are when you are with small motion the way you hope them to copy you?! In that moment I was being given a peace shower . Covered from head to toe with nothing but Him, His promises, and His encouragement to keep, keepin' on!

Shortly later I was taking my very active 6 year old to the restroom. She is very independent, of course, and asked that I just wait for her in the lobby. I reluctantly did and leaned up against the back wall to be in clear view for her while still not "hovering" over her. Waiting several feet away was a young mom that I had been acquainted with years ago. She and I were pregnant together and she was due shortly after Macsen was "due". Being that Macsen was stillborn just one week from his due date, you can imaging the relative closeness in age that these 2 babies would have been in. She ended up having a boy, and he is very healthy and strong. So as she and her little guy stood there, of course I see him and think (you can't help to really) of the size that Macsen would be now. Different looking yes, but so similar in size and development. I told myself not to look at him, as I knew it would be hard...but just as I had that thought I looked anyway. Just as I did, he and his mom were parting ways with someone they knew. And like all little one's he was very happy to display his involvement in the exit, even if he didn't fully grip what that was. He stood strong on his own, wearing "all boy" clothes, and waved biggly, and suredly and said loudly "hi"! So cute...they were leaving and he was saying hi?! (At least that was what I heard.) I quickly spotted my Mia, and off we went to her class. The quicker I get away, the better, I thought.

About an hour later I was in my bible study class, engulfed in the teaching and very much with my head on the Kingdom. It was in that moment that the Holy Spirit made the connection in my head, heart, and spirit:

Macsen is happy. He is with me! He is waiting to see you,

but encouraging you and cheering you on from on high!

Whoa! It was really all I could do to not break out in tears...but why? Really?

He is F I N E!

And eager to see me thrive and persevere for the glory of our King!

To anyone needing encouragement: this vision is for you too! I am not the only one with a voice on high praying for me! We all have one. Little or big, old, or young....Jesus is there, and He alone is seeking the Father for favor for me and for YOU! Remember that ....

Remember: HOLD FAST... help is on the way!

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Today I am feeling very led to extend encouragement to someone reading. I know what it is like to still have days where pain rears it's ugly head and your mind can go to a place of real despair and sorrow. I actually just had a couple of those days this last week. Satan is relentless. But he isn't as relentless as our God!!! Gosh...He loves you so much!

There has not ever been a day that goes by that I do not think of my baby boy. There has yet to be a day that I do not miss him. There are very often thoughts that take me to the what if's. But... remembering where he is brings my heart joy. Remembering who he is with brings my heart peace. To know that these little ones that we love so much are being cared for by the very One that knit them in our womb and is the ONLY possible One that could love them even more then we do- what a balm to my broken heart that is. I pray it is for you too.

I can't remember if I shared the story of the morning I heard God speak so clearly into my heart or not. But I will share it again.

One morning very soon after Macsen went Home, I was in my bedroom folding laundry. (Not my all time favorite domestic chore mind you. But I try to do it with a grateful heart.
\Bahumbug. LOL)
I was folding the clothes and my head and heart were not there, they were with Macsen...or desperately trying to be, anyhow. I began to cry uncontrollable recalling the in fathomable hurt and trauma I had just endured. There are no words. Stillbirth. I cried out to God,"I don't want to do this anymore! I just want to be with Macsen, God! I want to be doing what he is doing!" As clearly as I have ever "heard" God speak to me He said without hesitation, "He is worshipping me." My heart was pounding out of my chest as I received the words that I reflect on now more then any other I have ever heard. If that is what he is doing, I thought....I want to be doing that.

I want to encourage us ALL today to do what I am very sure our sweet little ones are doing!

They are worshipping. They are a part of a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1) that are in paradise rooting for us to keep pressing on toward the goal!

Let's resolve today to worship! Turn up the music loud, sing with all of our hearts, and make satan shut his mouth as we praise the God that loves us so much that He actually died for us!
I can close my eyes and see my boy now!

Sing baby, sing!!!!!!! Until we meet again...I love you!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

{PiEcEs Of My MiNd}

Every once in a while I come across a blog that mentions something about the fact that their current post is somewhat "random". Many thoughts tied together with little to no rhythm or flow. That would most definitely be what this is. Or what I call, Pieces of my mind.

I have a lot in my head and heart that I have been wanting to put down "on paper". You know originally this blog started out as my "journal". Somewhere along the way it became more. More in a good way. Good because of all the incredible people I have "met", encouraging stories I have read, and the unmistakable kinship I now have with so many whom also know what it feels like to have a little one living in Heaven. And the goodness and grace that can come from it.

There has been so much I have been meditating on throughout the last several months. It was about the time I got my hands on Crazy Love by Francis Chan. There are so many practical challenges threaded throughout the whole book. And the amazing thing is how his leading from Holy Spirit presents it in a way that is challenging, not condemning. I am so sick of books that go something like this: God is good. You are bad. Try harder!


Francis really puts it bluntly and stirred in me so very much. Including how even the stuff we put before our eyes (i.e. the computer) are forming our thinking in more ways then we fully recognize. Or rather creating us to possibly be lukewarm Christians. He challenges how ridiculously extravagantly it is that we are living in our $300. jeans, in a 3400 square foot homes for 3 people while many are in need of housing. He points out to us that just because lets say we are married to a really looked upto figure in the Christian community, or that because we have a really poetic way of "sounding" so spiritual that somehow that is being a desciple?! On and on and on He goes. It has caused me to pause and really step out of myself to look at who it I am really being. Interesting how we think nothing bad about being a fanatic for things like sports, clothes, tv shows, but we don't dare being fanatical about Jesus! (He only DIED for us! ***sarcasm***) Which brings me to the next "random" thing I have been thinking about.

Do I want to be on the computer for hours on end when the Lord comes back? Now, don't misunderstand....I realize that being on the computer is a very real part of many of our ministries, mine included. We've likely all been there- reading emails, writing posts, editing pictures, twittering unimportant thoughts? Huh...what are we doing? Dumb! But as I have been on here, teaching myself how to do ALL of it, I often see how much more is out there to learn. It's like I go to some blogs and I see all these gadgets and gizmo's, tricks and trinkets and I can see beyond them and recognize just how much time, effort, and did I mention TIME goes into getting all of that accomplished! Think about how much time is going into it all. Again...I love this resource but it is so easily the very thing that the enemy can turn to make an idol in our lives and hearts! Let me be very clear....being someone that has first hand felt the effects of what coming to very near divorce can do to you, TIME is something that many marriages and families are lacking. And it is something we do NOT have endless supplies of. It IS the most precious thing we have here on earth. So I go to these sites and one of two things has to be happening. Either spouses and children are missing out on someone or someone is staying up longer and spending more time doing "computer stuff" then likely should. (OUCH. Did I just say that?!)
It can become an idol though. Your ministry can become an idol! Really anything that we spend more time on that isn't worshipping, learning about, or edifying with God at the center=IDOL! I was at at bible study a few weeks ago, and one of the gals was candidly speaking about, when in the world did we think it made sense for everyone to have their own blog? Who cares? She went onto say, Megan...I can see why someone would go to yours because you keep it about encouragement, challenges, and obviously helping people with the boxes...But I knew better- in that moment to check my pride, and ask God to search my heart to see to it that God and God's people were to be the absolute heartbeat of why I do what I do. It can't be about me. Like she said so appropriately, Who cares?

I want Jesus to be on the throne of my heart. Not my blog. Not this ministry. God has given me the ministry, and it requires a great deal of time and thoughtfulness. I really aim to make all of that a time of worship. After all, the talents and abilities I have are God given anyhow, and it is a very organic overflow for me to make it part of my worship to Him, to use them.

So in segwaying into my next thought, in an effort to not make this blog or ministry an idol I have been led to edit my blog a bit. Something that has made me personally sense this as being more a popularity contest then a stage for me to simply share my testimony and my call to help others is the "followers" gadget. Now it would be really typical for some to have the thought, "well....she didn't have hardly any followers anyhow, (in terms of numbers)so of course she could say this." As true as that may be, I have 23 "followers" versus hundreds or thousands...I'm just frankly not seeing any spiritual reason to keep it there?! I am not doing this for popularity or a "following". I choose to allow the Holy Spirit to be behind ALL the tuggings in hearts to read this blog, pray for this ministry, and "follow" this journey I and my family are on called: life. I do pray this is not translating as judgement onto anyone else in favor of the "following" gadget, it so is not. This is what God has asked me to obey Him in doing. That gadget had a way of stroking pride within me. I want nothing to do with that.

The Greatest Blessing is a blessing to me beyond words. I want Jesus to get all the glory and fame from it that is possible! The very fact that I am being used in any capacity to be His hands and feet is humbling beyond appropriate words. He has taken the ashes and made something beautiful. He has redeemed my sons death and made it's sting fade.

I do long for this ministry to grow, and to be something that you will share with others that are being ushered down this dark and difficult road of mourning a baby. I pray each box is a great piece of light and salt to put into some very hurting hands.

That being said, I am excited to announce that I am sending a proposal to Living Proof Ministries_Beth Moore to see about getting then to team up with me. I have had many suggest putting a Holy Bible within the box, and to be perfectly honest I sort of cringed. Not because I don't believe that in this time of such pain many wouldn't get much from the truth. Obviously it would. But a Bible could be intimidating to someone not familiar with it at all. However, Beth wrote a book that I adore and feel strongly led to have in the box. It's called Praying God's Word Day by Day. Each entry is short, powerful and laced with real testimony of one that has lived without God and knows full well what a saving grace it is to know Him, love Him, and follow Him. Even when times are difficult. I spoke with one of Beth's assistants there at Living Proof and she thought it sounded like such a unique ministry, and one that they would most definitely desire to be a part of! (Excuse me while I jump up and down really quick!!!!!! I am a bit of a fan of Beth! She has been anointed to teach God's word and help many to know Him in a real way like no one I have ever heard! There are few that I feel can relate to the depth of pit God rescued me from like Beth Moore. I believe she most definately can relate!) So I do ask that you be in prayer with me, for God's favor and blessing that this would work out and that each box would be blessed to house a copy for all of it's recipients. It will be an addition I am most honored to give!

I am also seeking having something elegant and pampering in the bubble bath/lotion realm to add to the boxes. If anyone reading knows of a vendor that might be interested in teaming with me to help get something like that available to me to put in the boxes, I would be most grateful. Just email me the info at . And please keep your testimony emails coming in for me as well. Anyone that has had a box sent to them, or has been touched by The Greatest blessing in some way. I am going to get this blog up and running all the title bars seen up above. I am just trying to steward my time right. I know you understand . ; )

I also want to thank, Sue from My Forever Child for donating her largest quantity to date of lapel pins and coupons for any ministry! She is so generous and very gifted. I have seen how touched families are at these precious gems and I am blessed to continue to offer them. It was only a few weeks after my Macsen went Home that I came across her site and bought for myself something very dear to me that I wear every single day. A dog tag with Macsen Danforth etched onto it just below his hand print etching. His right hand....the one I picture holding Jesus'.

So I leave you with a quote my good friend put up on her Face Book the other day:

I am so grateful to God for the incredible gift of free will. Let's use it wisely....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

{vErY gOoD} I apologize for not getting an update of the walk up sooner. Life called and I am still trying to learn how to organize it all! There is still hope for me yet though. I believe! : )

The walk itself was such a blessing! For those of you lost, let me get you up to speed.

Forever In Our Hearts Remeberance Walk There...that should do it. : )

It was a cool morning, there was a real sense of His presence all over the place! It was such an honor to be there to help set a stage where these families babies could be remembered, and Jesus would be magnified. I actually imagined an onlooker seeing and hearing all that went on that day and they so must have scratched their heads at us "Christians" praising God and thanking Him for who He is, but yet little lives are no longer with us?! How does that work? How burdened with jealousy I am for them to know this same God. Yes the Lord giveth and yes He taketh away...but He gives way more then He takes. Heaven will be the clearest indication of that!

These families had a very lovely event to show off their boys. I am humbled to be a part of it. It was a holy day, and yet a sad one. Sad with fresh hurt. My dear friend Amy , the photographer for Now I lay Me Down to Sleep (the same that took Macsen's pictures), was about 11 weeks pregnant and found out the Thursday before the walk on Saturday that there was no longer a heartbeat. Clearly that is sad for anyone, but particularly here because she is the very one that started this walk. (Let that soak in for just a second...) She was given this dream and called by God to make this a thing to help families and to show compassion and love for these dear people hurting from something she has seen far more then most. And now God has made it that she can identify even more with them. With us.

The amazing thing was being up in front of this large crowd of people with her as she spoke with such raw pain. Many there had no clue about this new and private pain she was enduring. Those of us that did stood in awe. She spoke clearly and strongly to each family, and as the words from the paper poured off of her lips it was all you could do to not hear the words being spoken about these families boys, and picture the broken hearts of Amy and her husband John, who was also there.

God's ways are not our ways, huh? And yet....He is still good. Very good.

The day utterly delivered. There was closure, hugs, warm conversations, testimonies being shared, kids running all over the place, and $1800 raised for The Greatest Blessing.

Yes He is good. Very good.

Over the last 20 months of walking this rocky journey of mourning my only boy I have learned much. I have learned that God can not be predicted, but can easily be praised in spite of what comes our way. I have learned that no does not mean all bad. In fact, there is a lot of good that comes from no. A lot.

I have learned that having this loss in my heart has opened my spiritual eyes in ways that nothing else could have. One of the most profound truths God showed me in his word can be found in the book of Ecclesiastes, seventh chapter titled: WISDOM

It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

-Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

What that says is that when hurt comes...wisdom is not far behind it.
There is nothing wiser then getting infatuated with our Home. Heaven.
Obsessing over it is wisdom.

So as many of us continue this journey of gleaning faith through this fog of mourning, my prayer is that much wisdom is shed from the Father for each of us. That we would actually embrace this place in our lives for all He desires it to reveal to those who are watching. Including our sweet little ones watching from Heaven.

He is good. Very good.

Monday, August 10, 2009

{cOuNt DoWn}

The count down has certainly begun for the remembrance walk this weekend. will be nice to be in the throws of it, I must say! Those of us involved in pulling it together, and certainly the dear families who's babies are being honored would so appreciate your participation, however you are able! Participating at the actual event, praying for it's success and smoothness, or by simply placing a financial gift/donation. (Paypal button is on left sidebar for your convenience.) We all have a role to play in anything done with the aim of glorifying our God.
This walk will most definitely do that!

You know, most of you do not know all that is involved behind the creation and delivery of each and every box that I serve to these families. Each box has a number of things that need to be done just to "prepare it" . But then there is the art of it. I leave each one to be created at the leading of the Holy Spirit. Prophetic art really! The items within the box take no less time attention to detail to find and place within the box. I never would have dreamed it would be what it is nearly 16 months from the first one that I hand delivered. It is complicated though....I very much want this ministry to flower and grow, but I also know too well how time consuming these boxes are. Each one takes at least 2 hours to fashion. That is not including the shopping/hunting time that goes into the materials and gifts within. I never want these to be rushed or "punched out" as to lose their uniqueness and charm. All of that to say though the money brought in for this fundraiser is going directly to The Greatest Blessing - HUGELY important element to keeping this ministry going. I paid for them out of my own pocket for a time, and would have continued had I a Donald Trump account (lol) but I also know God wants to share this with His people including them in the process, however that may be. Like I said we all have a part to play in glorifying God. You included! : ) I do thank you for supporting this ministry and for believing in God through me. Humbling place He has called me to. Truly.

As the week unfolds I ask for your prayers in pulling all the technicalities into place and organizing the actual day. That I would allow the Holy Spirit to move through me and would honestly be anxious for nothing! NOTHING!

So here we go....five days left.
God be with us!
(Oh ALWAYS ARE! ;) Thank you Jesus)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

{wHeN i GrOw Up}

Being a soldier for the Lord Jesus is nothing like what this world portrays a "soldier" to be. Standing in faith for our "invisible" King is often times looked at as being desperate, overly compassionate, a crutch (love that one...not) and weak. According to God's economy...nothing could be further from the truth!
The season I am currently in requires a great deal of trust and faith. Some of you know, some not....that my husband and I were estranged for 13 months and seeking divorce not ironically a few short months after our son, Macsen went Home to be free and happy. May I first say-PRAYER WORKS....keep praying for those you love people, and that which you wish God to redeem. His will isn't always in line with having it go as we pray or think it should go, but occasionally, if we are lining up with His will it does. There was nothing that was leading me to think that restoration was even possible. No glimmer, no hope, no life there at all....But in my spirit, deep in my heart God nestled a belief, that something bigger and better was going to occur in my life and in my marriage, all I needed to do was pray without ceasing, believe god for big things and live life as though those things had already been manifested.
Peter is often remembered as being the one that made a real schmuck of himself by denying Jesus more then once. He loved Jesus, yes. But then denied Him 3 times? How often we too are guilty of that same thing! Often....
But when I grow up......I want to be like Peter.
He spoke honesty from his heart, even when it was doubt.
He heard the Holy Spirit in him and spoke and moved accordingly- first.
He believed God for big things....he too walked on water.
He stirred praise and worship from the other disciples.
He stood fast and defended his Lord....alone as everyone else fled.
He died and ended his life in a honorable and glorifying way to his Master....King Jesus. Whom Which he was clearly a servant to.
As a child I was always most drawn to Peter and his way. ( My memories are extremely vivid of the movie Jesus of Nazareth which i watched in the zillions of times! : ) His raucous attitude and piercing honesty struck me as appealing, relatable and lovable. I assume the same was true of God. He was like a kid, in that he wanted to just jump in, speak up, and defend...
I love that.
Jesus clearly loved that.
When I grow up......I want to be like Peter.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

{hEbReWs 11:6}

God is moving! He is alive and well and longing for us to believe Him for big things! Jesus help me to do that very thing! To have faith and belief in you and in the miracles I know that you are capable of, and so longing to reveal to us all!
And without faith it is impossible to please God. Hebrews 11:6
What is God longing for you to believe Him for? Does it look impossible by human standards? If are on the right track in stepping out in faith and believing King Jesus for it's reality!
There is so much to tell about my own current journey with Him. A marriage that was literally on the precipice of ending is now, with the grace and mercy of the King, healing, restoring and hopeful that with HIM all things are possible! Believing that He is bringing this covenant to heights that we have never dreamed. Boy does that take faith to do! Jesus is helping me cling to it though. To cling to his biggness!
There is also a great deal of favor being poured out on this ministry. With God's help and guidance there is no telling where it is going to lead. I am along for the ride though, that's for sure! Thank you ALL of you that have been faithful to lift me, this ministry, and my marriage and family to the Lord. He has heard our cries and is at work. Praise God!
I am in need of those of you that have received anything involving this ministry. I need from you your testimonies about how you have been blessed by this ministry. I have a few projects (one that is really exciting for me!)in the works that involve having the voices of those out there that have been touched by The Greatest Blessing.
Please send the below information to:
  • your name, and babies name (if applies)
  • what was received (possibly a picture of box and how you display it in your home)
  • picture of baby (if applies)
  • comments and feedback you would like to share

If there is any of the above that you do not have, or do not wish to share, that is alright. But as much as possible would be a real benefit to me as I am looking to best convey this ministry and the heart of God through it!

Let me encourage you to believe God for pleases Him to have us see Him for all He is, and all He can do! He is a God of miracles.....let's take Him up on that!

God bless you!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

{fOrEvEr In OuR hEaRtS}

So I really haven't been laying around twittling my thumbs, and looking for something to do! Really! In between still getting the privilege of making memory boxes for several families, I have also been teaming up with some amazingly, selfless people that are reaching well out of their way to see to it that families are given a stage to love, celebrate, and share their babies that now live in Heaven.
This is the second year that I have been blessed to be a part of
Forever in Our Hearts Remembrance Walk. All to honor a baby that went Home well before expected. Last years family was poignant because they were the first "official" family that I was given the call to serve with a box. Sigh....I can remember walking into that hospital room as clearly as if it were just yesterday that I was there. This year, two sweet babies will be honored. And both families have graciously decided that they desire for any/all money raised to go to yours truly,
The Greatest Blessing.


Thank you families.

Thank you God.

I am blessed beyond words....and man does it suck to know that none of this current blessing would be here had I not had a baby boy go Home before me....but wow, I wouldn't trade it.
How can you say that you might ask?
I have this amazing ministry that fills me beyond expectation! I have a purpose and I KNOW that I have been a small part of contributing to eternal ramifications in a positive light. And I STILL will get to be with my baby boy! For eternity!
It's a win win! : )
I am humbled by the love and generosity God has imposed on the hearts of all these amazing people!

If you can attend, please do! Spread the word. Share this on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, email, phone calls, coffee break, Morris code....WHATEVER! If you can't be there, please get on your knees for the event. Pray for the families to receive healing, love and an opportunity to be proud of their boys. But also that this ministry would get recognition and would glorify Jesus infinitely!
My utmost aim in all I do with this ministry!
God is SO good! Thank you so!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

{dEaR mAcSeN}

Regardless of the wiring God has given me, (to be an encourager I mean: I still have suckage moments! Is that a word? Well it is now!)

I have a son you know .

Just one, and his name is Macsen Danforth.

He looks like both of his sisters really. He has Mia's face shape. Her eyebrows and lips. But he has Maizy's head shape, and her nose and cheeks. He looks alot like his daddy.....very striking and handsome. He might have actually been a loud mouth like his mama! lol- we'll see....

Holy wow do I miss him......

Dear Macsen,
Little baby, there is so much to tell, where do I begin, except with....WOWZERS, I LOVE YOU!
You are missed beyond actual words, but I promise when I see you I will show you with my hugs and kisses. I am excited and tired just thinking about it. I'de do that all now if I could!

Macsen, mommy and daddy have made so many mistakes. We haven't always loved God more then other things. We haven't always looked to Him for our comfort and help as we should. I know it is difficult for you to understand that, because He, is all you have known. That actually is something I am quite envious of. You truly are missing nothing down here my boy. And I am sure you are at perfect peace knowing that one day you will be with all of those that love you here and long to know you so much more. God is so good about telling us His promises. I need to remember that on days like today. Days like this where I long so much to hold your strong,all boy body. To feel you pull my hair and slobber all over my cheek. Nothing could be less glamorous and yet so appealing all in one.

But...I do trust God. That is one thing the enemy was counting against. I trust Him, and further more- I embrace His plan for me all the more! That not only would I come to know Him more clearly, but that I would be used to glorify Him more magnificently! More freakishly, really!

You skipping this place has a whole lot more good coming from it then not! It's me that needs to just get over it, and see it through the Father's eyes. And He is gentle....knowing too clearly, just what a heartache it is....but we want what is best for THE KINGDOM. For the glory of this KING we serve. Let how I handle this be an act of worship, Lord!

Mommy and daddy, as you know have been struggling to get to this place. We have turned against each other at times and looked at one another as enemies, rather then fellow soldiers. That time is behind us. Your prayers have paid off my sweet, Saint son. Intercession with King Jesus has it's rewards, eh?! :) God has reached into daddy's heart and begun to cleanse it. To remove his spiritual fog from his eyes and reveal His goodness, truth, hope, love, and REDEMPTION! The battle is not yet through. Satan has changed his tactics and is calling on more forces. But so is our God. And greater is He that is in us then he that is in the world!

Not one day goes by that your name is not said. That you are not thought of. That we do not long to hold and love on the sweetest little boy these arms will ever hold. You are our son. You are your sisters brother. PERIOD. Here. Or there.

Sing loud sweet little man! Keep are the mightiest soldier I have ever known, and mommy loves you. Listen to your Abba daddy.....Holy Spirit, help us to listen and hear too.

We love you and have seared you in our hearts where you will dwell until we meet you face to face.....what a sweet day that will be! sigh...... And so I press on toward the goal........

I love you endlessly ~Mommy

What a beautiful boy you are.....
if I do say so myself! : ) All boy.
My little bruiser.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

{eYeS oPeN}

I attended a service tonight at a church I do not normally attend. It was such a breathe of fresh air. Have you ever been in a service/moment/prayer/worship where the tears just flow. There isn't anything out of sight said or done, it is simply that the Holy Spirit is there and He is there in ALL of His greatness and love?! If you have, then you know already, without having been there, what this service was like for me tonight. Maybe it's just where I'm at right now in my walk with the Lord. He is so much more awesome, real, great, loving, forgiving, all-knowing, powerful, strong, in charge, mighty, royal, tender, merciful, glorious, endearing, empowering, majestic, magnificent, magnetic, intense, suffocating, irresistible, stilling, wise, lovely, and beautiful then I have ever known Him to be. And this is just the beginning of what it is that He is trying to show me. The amazing truth to all of that profound realization, is that I am positive that I would not have discovered all of these attributes, characteristics and truths about our God had I (are you ready for this) -not had my baby boy born asleep.

My eyes were opened because He chose for me to see Macsen's eyes closed....only to be seen open in paradise.

Humbling truth. But truth.

My son is in my heart. He is in the breeze. He is in the belly laughter that trails down the steps in my home from my daughters. He is in every embrace that my husband and I have.He is in every stroke of the brush that I take as I paint another box for a family facing this new challenging journey of infant loss. He is with his family every time we gather together. (Like in this picture which is one of many in this road of restoration for my husband and I and this family that Satan will not win. Hallelujah! Praise you Jesus! But notice too in the pic, where I keep my Macsen always....his picture around my neck. I am so proud of that little man! I HAVE to see him regularly!) He is in the tears that I shed every time I feel the Holy Spirit wooing me and those I love as we bend our knees in adoration to this King. This King that made it possible that good-bye is not good-bye, but instead, until we meet again....
The same King that my son is worshipping in this very moment. And in this one. And this. And this. And....

I would like to encourage anyone reading this to remember that any trial you have had to face- Any loss you are having to endure- Any struggle you are wrestling with- Any place you are fighting to leave......HE LOVES YOU. HE IS WITH YOU. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. NEVER!

Let's wake up people! wake up! He is there and He so desires for us to grab His capable hand...and fly!!!!!!!!!!

Trials are not punishment. They are training. Training to build our spiritual muscles and to build our most valued weapon: OUR FAITH!

p.s the song playing may or may not jive with this post...but it certainly jives with all of us wayward spirits that too often can stray from our God! My husband loves this song. He seems to really identify with it. I certainly do! His mercy is beyond amazing. I have 2 words for you:



Wednesday, July 8, 2009


* Let me first say....this song may or may not connect with you as it does me in connection with this post. That's ok....I like it. This song has much meaning to me.
I have been grieving with many others (as bazaar as that may seem to you, about Michael Jackson this week. I plan to post on it in the coming days, Reflecting with God currently about it looking though. )
This is a quick update. God is up to much in my personal walk with Him, and in my almost deceased marriage. the battle is far from over. in fact, now that we have turned the dial up on the enemy, he is turning it up on us. please keep interceding with me. He is a liar and a vicious deceiver at that. I need wisdom, faith and diligence and my husband needs hope, self control, and A SUFFOCATING ENCOUNTER WITH THE LIVING GOD TO BRING HIM TO HIS KNEES IN HUMILITY AND LOVE FOR THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO HIM. JESUS! (I of course am in second place!: ) lol)

I want to leave you with a few tid bits God has been making very clear to me this week. Forgive me that they may come across a bit sarcastic, I do that as a kick in the pants to myself. When will I wake up to his BIGGNESS? Good question.....

1. I am God. I have ALL things in my hands and control.

You are you and have not a clue what I am up to. (I know....extremely theological, huh?!lol)

2. I am God. I have given ALL authority to YOU! Not just to your pastor. Not just your Holy friend from Bible study. YOU!

He is pretty clear about. If you don't believe your bible. TRUTH!



Wednesday, July 1, 2009

{aLl AuThOrItY}

Is anyone out there alive and ready for some serious GOD?!

I don't mean the God that we rattle off rote prayers to, prayers that for the most part are us trying to convince ourselves of what it is we are coming to the Father in need of. I don't mean the God that we read about in the old and new testament and say, "Whew! That was awesome! How cool it is that Jesus healed that guy. I sure can't wait till He comes back!" HELLO! I can't wait till He gets back either, but why do we forget that it is HIM that told us to pray like this:
On earth as it is in Heaven! Is there any unhealed people in Heaven people?
Are there any hurting hearts in Heaven as there are on earth? Is there bondage in heaven I ask? NO. Typical argument: "Well, this is a fallen world. It effects all areas of life." True, BUT, as Christians, were we not given ALL AUTHORITY OVER OUR ENEMY?


-LUKE 9:1-2


-LUKE 10:19

Seems pretty clear to me, so why in the world have I been living
so far under that level of position?!*?!!?

I have no idea. But guess what?


Jesus....YOU are KING! I am your daughter, and I reign on high with You! Open our spiritual eyes to the place you have given us here and in Heaven, our true Home! Thank you that you already won us the victory, and that You are right now interceding on behalf of each of us- me writing, those reading and the many that we love and are burdened for or have yet to know! Your aim is for ALL to be saved & live in FREEDOM and to spend eternity with You. Pour out Your spirit of revelation, encouragement, deliverance, freedom, love, power, authority, and victory for your children! We're in a's time to STAND UP!!!!!!!!! Break through is needed Jesus and so desperately desired! Praise be to You Jesus, the Most High! You are worthy! Equip us for the battle! Satan may have come to kill, steal, and destroy....but he will never take OUR FREEDOM!


BTW the speech playing from Braveheart is well written and is more prophetic then most know. Listen to the words from a spiritual set of ears. We do not wage war as the world does....but we are in a war! Fight for freedom!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

{dId ThEy KnOw JeSuS}

There will likely be many out there that will post this evening about the high profile deaths that took place today. I don't care. I need to do it anyway. I have been affected.

Affected? How you might ask. I'll tell you.

First, and most obviously...I am a mercy. It's how God has wired me and it effects everything in my life. I mean, when I was a child I used to make my mom pull over and let us say some words of respect for the prairie dog that someone hit with their car?! And then God gave me this ministry! Seriously God? WOW! being a mercy may be the precise reason He gave it to me though. I very much can feel others hurts.

A post or two ago I embedded a video clip. A clip that my very good, and Godly friend sent me. She told me of how much it opened her eyes to her own walk, and the tinges of "lukewarmness" in her own life. When I first heard it, I was rocked! It isn't easy to hear. (Which I am pretty sure is a huge reason why the comment section was silent. Not that I have a slew of "followers". It's fine that I don't. I do this blog for me and the few I might be helping. I'm not trying to win a popularity contest or anything.) It always hurts to hear that we might be walking in a less then "disciple" manner before our Lord. But it is intensely wise to examine our walk frequently and clean out parasites and wrong thinking.

So as this message sank in, it hurt no less. That in accompaniment with the book I mentioned by Chan, here , that I am reading, God has been really forcing me to reevaluate what a "Christian" looks like. That title is so thoughtlessly thrown around anymore.

We are called to be aliens.

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the chief cornerstone. Eph. 2:19-20

We are said to be in the world. But not of it.

But our citizenship is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Phil. 3:20

If people were to be honest about how it is you "look" in this place, what would they say about you? Do you look different then everyone else? Or do you fit in? And I am wondering more about those in your sphere of influence that aren't saved. Their opinion will be far less bias, likely.

As I saw the news flash before my eyes this afternoon I was struck in speechless shock as the words unfolded with:


All I could think of was: Did he know Jesus?

Then moments later, in that same state of shock:


All I could think of was: Did she know Jesus?

Again...I do not "know" these people, obviously.

But my God does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He knows them and loves them. He was there with them before they were ever conceived or ever idled by us fellow humans.

God is moving you guys! He is moving and He wants us to move!

Move out of our comfort zones. Talk to people about our testimony even when it seems like a preposterous moment to do so.

Move from what we know to what we don't know.

Move from what others expect, to what God CAN do.

Move from the obvious, to the thing that takes faith to get there!

Move! Move where He is calling you to go! It isn't always going to make sense!

But what doesn't make sense here, will there!

Sharing Jesus with people that do not know Him will behoove them greatly here, and certainly in the after life. When they are on their death bed, if they get one, as Farrah Fawcett did. Or for those that may not get a death bed, like Michael Jackson. Jesus died for all!

No day is promised.

Share Him with urgency.

Love Him with urgency.




Monday, June 22, 2009

{fAtHeR's DaY}

This Father's Day was likely difficult for many. The Greatest Blessing wanted to reach out and acknowledge the men out there that have had the same heart ache as many of us ladies. Men handle it so differently. Each of the father's that have crossed this path received this card. My dear friend, Amanda made them. (Thank U for being patient with me & my "visions" lady. :) My prayer is that, although small, it was a reminder to these men to trust their heavenly Father-
the best daddy in the world.

Inside reads:

The Greatest Blessing would like to wish you a happy Father's Day. Although you have a child living in Heaven, you are no less their daddy! Until you meet again....


On a personal note, my husband, the father of my 3 babies received this gift from us...
Macsen looks just like his daddy......

Happy Father's Day

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

{tHe FiRe}

Scroll to bottom and mute Playlist. Hit play and then a few seconds after hit pause. Let the stream catch up a bit then hit play.
Welcome to conviction!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


I am in full fledged spiritual warfare. Imploring God for discernment, break through, vision and strength. Satan has a hold that has been bought by a certain event on Calvary, as I recall, however?!

Please be praying the blood of Christ over Michael Gebhardt. His son that He loves so much and has plans and purposes for. He is struggling with knowing God's voice and seeing His best for him.

Marriage is under attack, and mine is being laser focused on.

Please pray for me to have diligence and perseverance that is nothing short of super natural. God is moving and therefore, so is His nemesis.

We have the victory!

Saturday, June 13, 2009


If most of us were really honest, could we truly say that everyday, and in all things that we are really surrendering to Christ? Not just with the obvious things like swearing, lusting, selfishness, etc....But with maybe the things that aren't as "obvious". For example....not leaning on food for our comfort, throwing away the Xanax bottle and really committing to fully allowing Jesus to be ALL that we need?! Not pouring that glass of wine to relax, but instead committing yourself to Him. Praying in every moment of stress or frustration. Taking a walk instead of popping a pill. Dancing like a crazy person in the living room to a loud worship song..... not sitting in front of the boob tube with a vat of potato chips and a side of ice cream.

I am certain that this will sting many who read it, and that's fine. It is stinging me as I type it. That is precisely why I am doing it! So welcome to the club.

Now certainly there is a place for antidepressants and mood stabilizers for seasons in our life or genetic issues out of our control. Also we have been given things that are meant to be enjoyed and used to make life richer....but if we are going to something in first place over Him when we are hurting or stressed....guess what? That is called idolatry!


I don't want to rely on anything, anyone, no plate of food, any bottle, any prescription drug, or and shopping high to comfort me. All I want is Jesus to comfort me. What does He say in the word? Cast all your anxiety upon me. ? That isn't as simple to do as it might sound. It isn't for me. I feel like if I am not doing one, I'm doing another. And of course Christians are not immune from placing judgement and labeling people in there own little "comfort zones". But truth be told....we all have a great deal of room for growth in this arena! In fact, in my experience, Christians can often be the first to attack and cannibalize their own! Ignorant to what a brother or sister is contending with in the spiritual realm. Because make no mistake....we are all in a spiritual warfare. Some are just under more intense and relentless attack!

I am praying for the Lord Jesus to be gentle and yet swift in healing this in my life, and in yours. When my son died, the level of awareness in this topic went to all new heights. What I honestly used to witness in others I would make judgements about. Now that I am standing in these shoes- I better understand why and how you end up there. But it doesn't mean we have to stay there. His death was the blow in my life that leveled it all and brought me to the reality of FLESH and just how stupid and destructive it is. It wants to have all the glory and it is trying to put us all in a plot of dirt!

He died that we would have life! And have it to the full!

Full of Him. Nothing more, and certainly....nothing less.


Thursday, June 4, 2009


Does anyone else out there marvel regularly at the wonder of our God? The sunset He paints in the sky or the very unique way He has created all of us? Each of our sweet children? I sure do... and am constantly reminded by something new and fresh that takes my breathe away everyday, yet again.

I am a part of a group of ladies at my church that is diving into a
new book that celebrates that (at least so far) called Crazy Love : Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan. It is wildly good and I am just having to pace myself in reading it all too fast. With each statement that is said, and every point that he is making I am finding myself just concurring (outl oud...I talk to myself a's a habit I have had since I was little)) with him over and over. "Yes!", "Exactly!", "Totally!" This is what I keep catching myself saying! It's kind of fun to come across a person or author or anything that you feel like in not so many words, or maybe just different ones, that you are completely on the same page with them. Well this book, and this guy, are totally like that for me! It really is a powerful read thus far. I will keep you posted as I go.

I've been so small in my thinking of God. I mean I do know that God had given me the gift of faith, but life has taken blows at that faith. At Him too. But at the same time I feel Him as bigger then ever before in my life. He is so big and mighty and at work in so many ways, it is IMPOSSIBLE to put it into words. we can spend our entire lives studying Him, loving Him, and seeking Him, and only barely scratch the surface.

Anyone that reads my thoughts knows that you can't go far into knowing me without music becoming an intracle part of explaining where I am or who I am. It is my voice when i am without speech. (That doesn't happen often, but when it does I can turn right to it!) This is a song I discovered way into it's existence. what can i say....I am a bit slow. It is awesome in it's presence, position, and MAGNIFICATION of the love of my life. My God. Take some time to worship the ONLY One worthy! All I want to do is dance when I hear it!

Jesus....You are MAGNIFICENT!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

{sHaCkLeS aNd ChAiNs}

Without a doubt summer is here and with it comes HOT! Not my favorite thing in the world, mind you. Being hot, I mean. I like warm sun on my face and occasional swims and frolicking in the rays from time to time, but on an in and out basis, hot is just HOT to me. Not so much a fan.

But there is something I want to be HOT over. I want to be ON FIRE HOT for Jesus! Hot for Him sounds good to me!

In the past year I was under the impression that I was just hurting and eeking through it without a great deal of gain, outside of really knowing that the Lord was with me through it all. And yes, that is definitely something to note, I certainly do not want to come off as ungrateful about that, I so am. But I have just recently also looked back on the past year and seen just how much God has been doing in a way that I never noticed before. Just how much He was doing in and around ME. By that I mean, that through all of the tragedy that I have needed to endure this year, I have let go of strength in Him that has been mine, free of cost and relied on my own feeble ideas of coping, strength, comfort etc. And inspight of stupid choices and fearing trusting Him fully, He has used it to teach me and hopefully grow me more in Him.

In my 20's I boldly professed my faith and then proceeded to waltz around in this world, very much of this world, and making zero quality witness as to what Jesus can and is doing for me and my life. I melded in with everybody else. I wasn't hot or cold. I somehow didn't really know any better. There was no descipling done in my life and it was just good enough to get me in the door! But somewhere along the way, and most certainly after I became a mommy at 27, I had a real road to Damascus moment with God that opened my spiritual eyes forever. It was then that my flesh nature and all the sin that I had committed became neon real to me and it broke my heart. So much so that I repented and sought after God like never before in my life. My sin is what killed Jesus.

But with disappointment after disappointment and tragedy after tragedy, something within my faith world began to darken. And with it darkened my resolve, my heart, and my hope. Soon I was face to face with that flesh nature and all of it's weaknesses. It was whispering to me louder and with much more tenacity then I ever remembered before. It didn't take long to figure out, thank God, that this flesh nature wants me dead.

We all have different "apples". Something that calls to us from the sidelines/garden. It could be drugs, alcohol, sexual temptation, food, power, money, etc. We each have something that wants nothing more then to trip us up and get us off the track to run the race that we have been called to. As my very good friend so poignantly put it as she was describing herself, "I am convinced that my flesh is trying to put me into an early grave!" YOU'RE DARN RIGHT IT IS! (It's in cahoots with Lucifer, you All kidding aside, we are being stalked and Satan's goal is to take us out of the race. The very race that grows us to mature spiritually, and gains God much fame and glory! And if Satan can't kill us, he's happy to push us until we kill ourselves somehow!

I am challenging myself lately to constantly be reminded of the place that I have been saved from. The dark pit that was my dwelling place for far too long. Do you remember yours? It's not to condemn ourselves, or feel sorry for ourselves, but instead to help keep us in a place of shere gratitude for the gift of salvation we have been given. Thank you Jesus for saving me from myself! My prayer is that we, you and I, will be mindful of the shackles and chains that we have had removed at the very costly price of a sinless King that loved us so much....He died for us.


Remember the chains. No need to pick them up again, just....

Run to the cross!