{yOuR mArRiAgE}

It was encouraging to me when I got home from the hospital 14 plus months ago, to sit and search on the Internet for someone out there that knew this fresh pain I was feeling. There was a lot, and yet I never really found a lot for me. I am such a visual person, and placing my thoughts on things visual help me to learn, enjoy, adapt, comprehend, and now I also know, it helps to grieve. It meant a lot to me to have a beautiful thing, something tangible to remind me of the place that my boy now lives. (And he is LIVING! Beyond our wildest dreams! sigh )So in a way, it is a natural progression in this walk of mourning my son, to create something visual to cradle, not only myself, but also others. The Holy Spirit can do so much with so little......a box, a kind word, a boy, a stone and a sling. Me.

I was also, however, very burdened at how there was NOTHING out there for the men in our lives that are going through this, no less then us, but in a very different way. Sure there is a book here and there, and an occasional forum or brochure, but nothing that can really be a support and aid to them in this, likely, new experience. As anyone reading this blog knows, men and women do grief in very different ways. I often say that grief is no less personal and unique then a fingerprint is. Every person grieves differently as well. But I am sad to see little out there for these guys. Marriages take a real blow to the gut when a child dies. Regardless of the circumstances that led up to that horrible day. Marriages struggle, they hurt, they teeter, and all too often, they fail.

Mine did.

Now if you asked my husband 'was your son's death the cause', he would tell you no. Much rotting occurred before that unpredicted day. But it was indeed, the final event that gave way to it's collapse! Details are irrelevant. God has seen all. He has been there through it all. (Thank you Jesus!) A marriage can't happen with only 1 person fighting for it!!!!!!

I am speaking to all of you reading this right now. Whether you know loss, or do not. Whether there is break down or there is none. One thing is sure: There is a certain roaring lion prowling around looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

Satan has come to steal, kill, and destroy. -John 10:10 Don't let him destroy your marriage. That is the very relationship that God intended for us to reflect His love for us! SELFLESS, CARING, FORGIVING, WITHOUT PRIDE, OVERFLOWING, CONSISTENT, SUPPORTIVE, TENDER, MERCIFUL, GENEROUS,PASSIONATE, STRONG, INTIMATE, BEAUTIFUL, (did I mention SELFLESS?).-1 Cor. 13:4-8

Your baby is gone....FOR A TIME! Gone from our arms here, and placed in perfect ones, THERE!

Marriage takes work. It takes admitting you need guidance, direction, accountability, and help to make it all it CAN be. Fight the good fight (with the enemy) and press on toward the goal! Think of the crown you will get to cast at Jesus' feet one day, upon which is engraved:

COVENANT KEPT-MARRIED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

(Shameless plug for Fireproof the movie! If you haven't seen it, see it! Do not rent... BUY! It is amazing! Life is about choices. Either good or bad....we live with the REWARDS or CONSEQUENCES. Strive for that crown people.......something tells me it will be one of the most bejeweled you can EARN )

{My GlAdIaToR vAlEnTiNe}

To my little Valentine, Macsen! How proud your mommy is of you. Your life is a blessing in this heart of mine, and is touching other hearts with blessings everyday. I imagine you playing and laughing in a place that my tiny imagination can not fathom. Warmth on your sweet face, a twinkle in those big brown eyes, and a mischievous, gummy grin as you play with Jesus. I am so grateful you will never know heartbreak, pain, fear, deception, or betrayal. Peace washes over me when I remember that.

A Valentine is someone you love, that you want to express that love to in a way that you don't normally get to. Your sisters hear their mommy tell them dozens of times a day how much I love them. So it is to YOU that I give this Valentine.

Macsen Danforth, I love you so very much! You are my little Gladiator. A mighty warrior for my King, and more of a man then anything I have ever known! I am so honored to call you my son! Until we meet again baby.......my heart will fly!

~Mommy

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

{gAtHeRiNg Of HoPe}

This might look like like some random, and insignificant collection/project of an avid crafter/wanna-be-artist......but it is indeed so much more. Each one of these hearts represent the life of a baby that was taken away into the arms of the Lord. Too soon for us left behind, but just in time for the ones now there celebrating.

This past Saturday night, I had the immense honor of being part of of something breathe taking. The hospital where my son was "born", has never had a memorial service to bless the hurting families of infant loss, but also give a place where those babies could be celebrated, grieved for, and remembered. This breathe taking event was very appropriately called,
The Gathering of Hope.

My lovely friend, and the very one that took every precious picture of my sweet boy, Amy, was the vessel from which God laid on her heart to reach out, share and create this night for these families that she has spent some very intimate moments with. She is a volunteer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, but she is so much more. She is my dear friend. She is an angel.

The night was filled with Jesus in so many more ways then I could accurately describe. He was again there, real, and moving on HIS behalf! (There is no one else in the world that can be ALL ABOUT THEMSELVES and have it come off so OK! Am I right?! He is so amazing!)

Hearts were moved and yet still. Eyes were crying, but seeing hope, babies were being remembered and yet have never been forgotten! I for one, am a very proud mommy of an angel saint baby! I think we all had a bit of pride that night. Those babies have taught us more then we can really explain. They have been part of the potters tool chest to help shape us into His likenesses. For so many of us, these sweet babies are the very reason that we sprint into the arms of the very God that holds them so tenderly close to Himself now.

Each of these ornaments I made for those left here to grieve. But the gift that these babies have left in the hearts for us that are grieving, is above and beyond any tangible object or thing. It is likely the very thing that has ushered us into the throne room with the King. For now only in our spirit and mind....but one day to be redeemed to reality. These small lives have undoubtedly changed who we are forever, and hopefully for the better. I pray that as the days and weeks go on, that those that attended that are not walking with the Lord will ask themselves, WHY AM I NOT? Like what on earth else is there?

GOD...YOU ARE HOLY AND GOOD. I PRAY NOW THAT YOUR SPIRIT WOULD ENCOMPASS EACH HEART THAT WAS THERE. THAT YOU WOULD SEND ANGELS TO PROTECT THEM, SERVANTS TO SERVE THEM, AND THAT YOU LORD, WOULD SING OVER THEM AS THEY SLEEP. THAT THEY WOULD AWAKE WITH YOU ON THEIR MIND AND IN THEIR HEART. MAY MANY COME TO SERVE YOU, AND REMEMBER THAT THE ULTIMATE GATHERING OF HOPE WILL ONLY TAKE PLACE AT YOUR FEET, IN HEAVEN.

AS THEY HOLD THEIR BABIES IN THEIR ARMS!

{a NiGhT tO rEmEmBeR}

Envision me, on the highest peak of a snow covered mountain. Breeze blowing, sky blue and lit by the sun and all it's fire. Screaming at the top of my lungs:

GOD......I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People....we serve a very good God! Good not because He gives us what we want when we ask it. He doesn't always. Good, not because we feel like we have somehow convinced Him to go along with our brilliant ideas and made them to happen. No, He is good, because HE IS!

There are moments in all of our life where we can say we felt Him there. Tasted His very presence, heard Him speak to us, or just flat out knew, without a shadow of a doubt that HE, with everything else He has going on, showed up in our little lives and suffocated our situation with His love, peace, provision, words, promises, and very presence.

On Friday night, God did all of that, and so much more! My weak little vocabulary can not convey fully to you how very held, carried, guided and anointed I felt that night, or the very room felt.

There were over 55 items up for auction. Over 25 volunteers. At least 65 plus guests that attended, and more sweets that i can say! Yum! And all told, The Greatest Blessing raised approximately $2700.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That could serve at least 50 families alone with a memory box to help remind them of the small life that they WILL see again!

I was so outrageously grateful to the Lord for all that He did, and allowed and blessed me with, that on Saturday, I gave it ALL to Him. By ALL, I mean.....ALL of my voice?! Let me explain....

So I put on my iShuffle (as to make it that I can in no way hear myself, of course, Aghh!), and I sang to Him all day long! So much so, that by the time I came to church that evening I sounded like a sad, raspy almost sickly version of myself! But....

He was worth it!

He is so good. And I do not know about you, but lately, He has been given me some BIG ideas that are clearly STRETCHING me and my thinking, comfort, and know-how. But He is always there to make it alright! This night was a perfect exaple of that!

Did I mention how much I love God?!

I am sorry you couldn't be there......maybe next year? I have a feeling it will be even BETTER!

{GOD IS SO GOOD!}