Monday, February 23, 2009

{yOuR mArRiAgE}

It was encouraging to me when I got home from the hospital 14 plus months ago, to sit and search on the Internet for someone out there that knew this fresh pain I was feeling. There was a lot, and yet I never really found a lot for me. I am such a visual person, and placing my thoughts on things visual help me to learn, enjoy, adapt, comprehend, and now I also know, it helps to grieve. It meant a lot to me to have a beautiful thing, something tangible to remind me of the place that my boy now lives. (And he is LIVING! Beyond our wildest dreams! sigh )So in a way, it is a natural progression in this walk of mourning my son, to create something visual to cradle, not only myself, but also others. The Holy Spirit can do so much with so little......a box, a kind word, a boy, a stone and a sling. Me.

I was also, however, very burdened at how there was NOTHING out there for the men in our lives that are going through this, no less then us, but in a very different way. Sure there is a book here and there, and an occasional forum or brochure, but nothing that can really be a support and aid to them in this, likely, new experience. As anyone reading this blog knows, men and women do grief in very different ways. I often say that grief is no less personal and unique then a fingerprint is. Every person grieves differently as well. But I am sad to see little out there for these guys. Marriages take a real blow to the gut when a child dies. Regardless of the circumstances that led up to that horrible day. Marriages struggle, they hurt, they teeter, and all too often, they fail.

Mine did.

Now if you asked my husband 'was your son's death the cause', he would tell you no. Much rotting occurred before that unpredicted day. But it was indeed, the final event that gave way to it's collapse! Details are irrelevant. God has seen all. He has been there through it all. (Thank you Jesus!) A marriage can't happen with only 1 person fighting for it!!!!!!

I am speaking to all of you reading this right now. Whether you know loss, or do not. Whether there is break down or there is none. One thing is sure: There is a certain roaring lion prowling around looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

Satan has come to steal, kill, and destroy. -John 10:10 Don't let him destroy your marriage. That is the very relationship that God intended for us to reflect His love for us! SELFLESS, CARING, FORGIVING, WITHOUT PRIDE, OVERFLOWING, CONSISTENT, SUPPORTIVE, TENDER, MERCIFUL, GENEROUS,PASSIONATE, STRONG, INTIMATE, BEAUTIFUL, (did I mention SELFLESS?).-1 Cor. 13:4-8

Your baby is gone....FOR A TIME! Gone from our arms here, and placed in perfect ones, THERE!

Marriage takes work. It takes admitting you need guidance, direction, accountability, and help to make it all it CAN be. Fight the good fight (with the enemy) and press on toward the goal! Think of the crown you will get to cast at Jesus' feet one day, upon which is engraved:


(Shameless plug for Fireproof the movie! If you haven't seen it, see it! Do not rent... BUY! It is amazing! Life is about choices. Either good or bad....we live with the REWARDS or CONSEQUENCES. Strive for that crown people.......something tells me it will be one of the most bejeweled you can EARN )


Danielle Holsapple said...

Thank you for this....yes, the loss of a child does hit a marriage hard. And I loved Fireproof too!

christa jean said...

I agree with you, marriages are under attack! I get so sad every time I hear of a new family being broken apart, especially the marriages that seemed strong. It is a gut-wrenching sadness because I know what that insidious thing called divorce will do to the children.
Yes, we must fight! And I believe that even one person fighting will effect change, even if they can't see it for a time. I have heard/read/witnessed too many testimonies from couples whose marriages were "over", but for the one who fought on their knees and believed in love.
It may be that God has that for your marriage too.
Wouldn't that be awesome?!!!

Jennifer Ross said...

Fireproof was such a great movie! I was just talking with a friend tonight over the phone about my marriage. Yes, it did get hit really hard after we lost Isaiah. I also will not go into details, but satan wants me to be smothered in the dirt with no way out. Well, I do know the way out, and I will continue reaching my arms out to my Lord, crying out for His deliverance!
His Grace Is Sufficient!!!!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Such needed encouragement for marriage...and especially for marriages that suffer the loss of a child. I am going to post soon (within the next month possibly) a little about our marriage journey, in hopes that others will find hope and comfort. We were shaken to the core and almost did not make it after losing our three children...and coming close to losing one more. (Our miracle son, James, who is now almost 8) Anyway, this area needs some well as support for the dads. My heart always breaks double for the dads who not only grieve because they were helpless to save their babies...but also because they can't protect their wives or ease her pain. And they often feel they have to bear their burden in strong.

Sending prayers your way, as always, dear friend...


Rebecca said...

Hi, Megan!
What a beautiful blog (in more ways than one!)! I'm looking forward to spending some more time browsing around here.

Praying for your family!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Megan...please pray for Jennifer Ross. I just posted the info at my blog. URGENT PRAYER NEEDED...please spread the word to everyone you can. She needs a miracle.

Thank you,