{PiEcEs Of My MiNd}

Every once in a while I come across a blog that mentions something about the fact that their current post is somewhat "random". Many thoughts tied together with little to no rhythm or flow. That would most definitely be what this is. Or what I call, Pieces of my mind.

I have a lot in my head and heart that I have been wanting to put down "on paper". You know originally this blog started out as my "journal". Somewhere along the way it became more. More in a good way. Good because of all the incredible people I have "met", encouraging stories I have read, and the unmistakable kinship I now have with so many whom also know what it feels like to have a little one living in Heaven. And the goodness and grace that can come from it.

There has been so much I have been meditating on throughout the last several months. It was about the time I got my hands on Crazy Love by Francis Chan. There are so many practical challenges threaded throughout the whole book. And the amazing thing is how his leading from Holy Spirit presents it in a way that is challenging, not condemning. I am so sick of books that go something like this: God is good. You are bad. Try harder!

WHAT? ICK!

Francis really puts it bluntly and stirred in me so very much. Including how even the stuff we put before our eyes (i.e. the computer) are forming our thinking in more ways then we fully recognize. Or rather creating us to possibly be lukewarm Christians. He challenges how ridiculously extravagantly it is that we are living in our $300. jeans, in a 3400 square foot homes for 3 people while many are in need of housing. He points out to us that just because lets say we are married to a really looked upto figure in the Christian community, or that because we have a really poetic way of "sounding" so spiritual that somehow that is being a desciple?! On and on and on He goes. It has caused me to pause and really step out of myself to look at who it I am really being. Interesting how we think nothing bad about being a fanatic for things like sports, clothes, tv shows, but we don't dare being fanatical about Jesus! (He only DIED for us! ***sarcasm***) Which brings me to the next "random" thing I have been thinking about.

Do I want to be on the computer for hours on end when the Lord comes back? Now, don't misunderstand....I realize that being on the computer is a very real part of many of our ministries, mine included. We've likely all been there- reading emails, writing posts, editing pictures, twittering unimportant thoughts? Huh...what are we doing? Dumb! But as I have been on here, teaching myself how to do ALL of it, I often see how much more is out there to learn. It's like I go to some blogs and I see all these gadgets and gizmo's, tricks and trinkets and I can see beyond them and recognize just how much time, effort, and did I mention TIME goes into getting all of that accomplished! Think about how much time is going into it all. Again...I love this resource but it is so easily the very thing that the enemy can turn to make an idol in our lives and hearts! Let me be very clear....being someone that has first hand felt the effects of what coming to very near divorce can do to you, TIME is something that many marriages and families are lacking. And it is something we do NOT have endless supplies of. It IS the most precious thing we have here on earth. So I go to these sites and one of two things has to be happening. Either spouses and children are missing out on someone or someone is staying up longer and spending more time doing "computer stuff" then likely should. (OUCH. Did I just say that?!)

It can become an idol though. Your ministry can become an idol! Really anything that we spend more time on that isn't worshipping, learning about, or edifying with God at the center=IDOL! I was at at bible study a few weeks ago, and one of the gals was candidly speaking about, when in the world did we think it made sense for everyone to have their own blog? Who cares? She went onto say, Megan...I can see why someone would go to yours because you keep it about encouragement, challenges, and obviously helping people with the boxes...But I knew better- in that moment to check my pride, and ask God to search my heart to see to it that God and God's people were to be the absolute heartbeat of why I do what I do. It can't be about me. Like she said so appropriately, Who cares?

I want Jesus to be on the throne of my heart. Not my blog. Not this ministry. God has given me the ministry, and it requires a great deal of time and thoughtfulness. I really aim to make all of that a time of worship. After all, the talents and abilities I have are God given anyhow, and it is a very organic overflow for me to make it part of my worship to Him, to use them.

So in segwaying into my next thought, in an effort to not make this blog or ministry an idol I have been led to edit my blog a bit. Something that has made me personally sense this as being more a popularity contest then a stage for me to simply share my testimony and my call to help others is the "followers" gadget. Now it would be really typical for some to have the thought, "well....she didn't have hardly any followers anyhow, (in terms of numbers)so of course she could say this." As true as that may be, I have 23 "followers" versus hundreds or thousands...I'm just frankly not seeing any spiritual reason to keep it there?! I am not doing this for popularity or a "following". I choose to allow the Holy Spirit to be behind ALL the tuggings in hearts to read this blog, pray for this ministry, and "follow" this journey I and my family are on called: life. I do pray this is not translating as judgement onto anyone else in favor of the "following" gadget, it so is not. This is what God has asked me to obey Him in doing. That gadget had a way of stroking pride within me. I want nothing to do with that.

The Greatest Blessing is a blessing to me beyond words. I want Jesus to get all the glory and fame from it that is possible! The very fact that I am being used in any capacity to be His hands and feet is humbling beyond appropriate words. He has taken the ashes and made something beautiful. He has redeemed my sons death and made it's sting fade.

I do long for this ministry to grow, and to be something that you will share with others that are being ushered down this dark and difficult road of mourning a baby. I pray each box is a great piece of light and salt to put into some very hurting hands.

That being said, I am excited to announce that I am sending a proposal to Living Proof Ministries_Beth Moore to see about getting then to team up with me. I have had many suggest putting a Holy Bible within the box, and to be perfectly honest I sort of cringed. Not because I don't believe that in this time of such pain many wouldn't get much from the truth. Obviously it would. But a Bible could be intimidating to someone not familiar with it at all. However, Beth wrote a book that I adore and feel strongly led to have in the box. It's called Praying God's Word Day by Day. Each entry is short, powerful and laced with real testimony of one that has lived without God and knows full well what a saving grace it is to know Him, love Him, and follow Him. Even when times are difficult. I spoke with one of Beth's assistants there at Living Proof and she thought it sounded like such a unique ministry, and one that they would most definitely desire to be a part of! (Excuse me while I jump up and down really quick!!!!!! I am a bit of a fan of Beth! She has been anointed to teach God's word and help many to know Him in a real way like no one I have ever heard! There are few that I feel can relate to the depth of pit God rescued me from like Beth Moore. I believe she most definately can relate!) So I do ask that you be in prayer with me, for God's favor and blessing that this would work out and that each box would be blessed to house a copy for all of it's recipients. It will be an addition I am most honored to give!

I am also seeking having something elegant and pampering in the bubble bath/lotion realm to add to the boxes. If anyone reading knows of a vendor that might be interested in teaming with me to help get something like that available to me to put in the boxes, I would be most grateful. Just email me the info at megan106@msn.com . And please keep your testimony emails coming in for me as well. Anyone that has had a box sent to them, or has been touched by The Greatest blessing in some way. I am going to get this blog up and running all the title bars seen up above. I am just trying to steward my time right. I know you understand . ; )

I also want to thank, Sue from My Forever Child for donating her largest quantity to date of lapel pins and coupons for any ministry! She is so generous and very gifted. I have seen how touched families are at these precious gems and I am blessed to continue to offer them. It was only a few weeks after my Macsen went Home that I came across her site and bought for myself something very dear to me that I wear every single day. A dog tag with Macsen Danforth etched onto it just below his hand print etching. His right hand....the one I picture holding Jesus'.

So I leave you with a quote my good friend put up on her Face Book the other day:

I am so grateful to God for the incredible gift of free will. Let's use it wisely....