The holidays are here.....YEA! (sarcasm) Wish my attitude were better about it, but it just isn't. Now if I had a one way ticket to Aspen maybe I could get a little "WOOP WOOP" out. But...that's just a daydream. (I'm entitled to daydream....check out that picture! sigh)
There is a lot contributing to this 'tude I have about the holidays....but mainly I am just weary from all of life's struggles. How on earth people get through without knowing Jesus, and feeling Him walk with them is totally beyond me! I would be a wreck. I likely would not even still be alive. My attitude stinks, but I can make the most of it. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my favorite times of year. There is something about the way everyone embraces life through the festivities that has just always sung to my soul. Why can't we be that way all the time? It's a love/hate thing now that I have about my Macsen going Home around Christmas though. I think, "how appropriate that he went there when we celebrate when Jesus came here", but then I think of how much I want him here to celebrate with his 2 big sissys and daddy and mommy that love and miss him so. But I know his celebration there, far surpasses any we could have here. (It's just me feelin' a bit sorry for myself is all. And that's okay sometimes I think. It's not like I lost my sucker! My son is not here to have and hold!)
I will make a choice, however, to press into the One that is clearly the only reason I have any strength to have done anything I have done up until this point. I will make the food, and have the things planned to make the holidays magical and lovely for my babies. I can do that....and I bet in the process I will have my heart changed.
Today is as good as I choose for it to be. Believing' in a heart change from the One that can do it. He can do anything!!!!!
5 comments:
The holidays can be tough but I just focus on the reason for this time of celebration and that is the birth of our Savior and that is definitely worth celebrating!
I would definitely rather be in Hawaii this year.
Our losses were the 24th of November and the 2nd of December and it is HARD having them be so close to the holidays. I've always adored the time from just before Thanksgiving to New Years and I still do, there's just a bittersweet edge to it. I think it would be a hard time for me anyway though. At Easter, I feel closer to them in heaven, but at Christmas, it's easier to picture them here with us and I miss them more. Jesse and Daryl would be 4 and 3 this year and I can see so clearly in my head what it would be like to have them here chasing the babies, making cookies and decorating the tree. I would think though that Christmas is probably a bittersweet reminder for God in a way too though, since that's the time He was first separated from His Son and He knew what would come after the manger. It's just nice sometimes remembering that He too knows what it is to lose a child.
My dear friend holidays are hard along with birthdays...I think it's half the reason I've been racking my brains getting stuff here at home and then I got really sick and I was like why?Why now?When I need to stay busy...I know you miss your sweet boy as I miss my sweet girl.I understand people (and our sweet children we have here) depend upon us to be all holly jolly happy and I know I try hard.I put on that yeah it's Thanksgiving and yeah it's almost Christmas time,but instead my heart is beating faster and I feel my blood pressure warming my veins and my mind starts thinking why?
She would be almost 19 months old...the hurt is there I go wipe the tears in secret (the bathroom AKA my prayer closet)...I understand (((HUGS))) my dear friend.
dearest, i didn't know it was your birthday. holding you up in prayer. i love what you wrote. i am right there with you today. i just miss him. i'm sorry to hear that your grandmother also died but jealous. wish i was in heaven with our boys, eh?! may God be with you this holiday season-peace-xoxo
Praying that He will fill you with His peace and maybe even some joy as He comforts and carries you this holiday season.
Love and prayers,
Kelly
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