Tuesday, January 13, 2009

{mOtHeRiNg My SoN fRoM a FaR}

There is not one day that goes by that I don't think about Macsen. He is no less my child because I do not tend to him like his sisters. No less mine because I have never heard his voice, and never made eye contact with him.

My mothering him looks different here, is all. I mother him and am a good example to him all the time. How? You might ask...I'll explain in a few....

I was talking with a friend tonight and God spoke into my heart as I was talking to her (hi Lisa! Also a precious mom walking this unsure journey. Good thing we are holding Jesus' hand, huh?!!!!) . He reminded me that any mommy that was quickly placed into a dangerous situation, where either you or your child were in danger, without thinking, mommy will put herself in the direct path of harm, over her child. We have to remember when Satan tries to cage us in our broken heart,in our pity party, that we are hurting, yes, but our children are not. And they never will. Please see the gift in that, beloved. We are walking a very painful journey, but at the expense that our little one is spared more then we can even fathom at this stage in our life. After all, where we are is certainly not the end of our sufferings. That ends only when we reach our real Home. God desires no one to hurt and feel pain. He doesn't get some thrill or joy from it. But it is indeed part of this fallen world we are passing through, and He is going to make the pain not at all be in vein! He is using it to conform us into His likeness. It's so much deeper, and so much heavier then I can understand in my un-complex mind. But I believe it in my heart.

He loves you. He loves me. There is going to be storms. Some raging and crashing so loud that all we can seem to hear is the fear in it. The uncertainty in it. That is where the renewing of our minds will be most powerfully effective. Having our house built on a Rock. Sound familiar? Knowing His word, and His voice is going to mute the thunder and waves and still the fear inside of us. It is the ONLY thing! So I am excited and eager to be more diligent about memorizing His "love letter" to us.

My dear friend, Lynn and I are getting together once a week to "scrap" words from the bible that we each have picked out that "sing" to us. So you "homework" it and see what verse is most pulling at your heart. Then we dress it up, with paper, fancy scrapbooking do-da's (this is where Lynn's scrapbooking expertise and there-in vocabulary would really come in handy and help me to not look like such a yahoo! : ) Thank you very much!) Memorizing scripture doesn't need to feel like you are becoming a Monk or a Nun. You are not signing your life away. You will gain life from it dear one!

It is amazing to think, that my sweet 6 year old Mia has memorized more scripture in her little life then I have known in all of mine. When I grow up....I want to be like Mia! SIGH. Sharp in His word, knowledgeable of it's location in the bible, and able to recite at a moments notice. Not to be showy and prideful by any means, but rather due to the fact that I have had a crash course in the last few years as to just how fallen this place is. How strong the waves in the storm can be. And how desperately I need this mind 'o mine renewed!

I have said it before, I will say it again: I don't like it here at all! BUT....I have a job to do while here! So I press on.....

So...back to "How do you mother a baby that is not of this world anymore? A baby that lives in Heaven? How are you a good example" I would just love to tell you! I am SO a work in progress in this, please bear in mind. But God is faithful. He loves children and family, and He wants to reach down from Heaven and show me the way to live here, as though I am living There! So each day I trust He will show me how to do some of the things on this list that I currently struggle with. And He will bless me and "pat me on the back" with things that I am already doing! Let's all step out in faith and do them! I Know that as you read through them, that you will find that there is nothing there that will not bless, behoove, encourage and edify you today, tomorrow, the next day! We all need more of that! Right?

  • Spending time in God's word. The One that holds my baby now, is able to speak directly to me. While holding my little man. (the visual is a killer!)
  • Prayer. If he is now with God, in His very presence, it makes sense that my prayers are being heard by a pair of very small, very cute little ears.(Hi Macsen! Mommy loves you!)
  • Tending to my temple. If God lives within my temple, then taking extra good care of it is no less an act of worship. What is my son doing right now? Worshipping God! Move over Mercy Me! NOT
  • Fellowshipping with other believers. These are people that we will be with for all of eternity! Why on earth would we not want to know them, mingle with them, and celebrate them? Macsen is in the presence of saints too! Saints...please picture that in your minds eye. It's all I can do to not fall down on my face right now!
  • Making the most of the time I have been given here on earth. God has filled each of us with talents, gifts, interests, ideas, and personalities to be used of Him! Letting Him use us, and dieing to self? What a good example that is to your children. Children here! Children there!
  • Loving my family. Being all that I can be to his sisters. All that I can, considering all the other seas I am swimming right now. Showing them love. Joy. Acceptance. Peace. Wisdom. Truth. Celebrating their uniqueness and reminding them OFTEN that they are loved by a God that is perfect, and doesn't make mistakes like mommy's and daddy's. He is always there! Always true! (Then I say.....one day, your baby brother will tell you all about HIM!)

Press on dear one! There is absolute HOPE IN HEAVEN! MAKE IT, AND IT'S KING YOUR OBSESSION!!!!!! Something tells me, WE WILL NEVER REGRET IT!


Karin said...

I love the visuals of mothering your son from afar! It is so beautiful to think of our children in the presence of Jesus and all of the saints.

I am really enjoying scrapbooking right now, as I am doing a scrapbook for my son who we lost last March. I love the idea of scrapbooking scripture and would love to see some pictures!

zanesmommy said...

Thank you for the reminder. It is something that is needed.

Sara said...

I hadn't ever thought of mothering my Samuel from afar. I love thinking of Him right there with the Father. Our boys are praising Him together:) Thanks for the encouraging words:)

Ruth said...

WOW! You are so right on and I really need to hear this and remind myself every day. I hope u don't mind but I would love to print your bullet points and share it with my small group so they will know how to pray for me and also to put it on my fridge and my doorposts because I need to be reminded of the good things that God has said yes to and why he let this happen and what he still wants to accomplish in my life. The end of December, I just wanted to quit but I am being renewed and your writing and reminders and encouragement are so good for my soul and are increasing my faith and turning my eyes toward HIM. It is so easy to get sucked into my grief and let it overwhelm and consume me but I have not been pleasing God with my life and I desire to please Him. Thank-you and be encouraged. I am praying for you and am envious of continued prayer from you as well as we "walk" this road together. I'm so proud of you and what you are doing and how you are saying and pointing to Christ. Keep up the good work! Your faith is amazing and I desire to grow in the midst of my loss. I just don't know what that will look like. Let me know if there is someway that I can help you.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful site! I'm not sure how I came across your site but you are an incredibly strong mom. We buried our last baby -our only son, and as I sit here praying for the health of this baby, I'm terrified and shaking. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and your family as only another mommy who's lost can understand. Not a moment goes by that I don't remember my baby, but I find it so hard to share my emotions.

Thank you for sharing,

Jennifer Ross said...

I really liked what you wrote on your post. I think I nodded throughtout the whole thing.(along with all of the tears that came rolling down) When I get done reading other peoples blogs I don't feel so alone. I just can't connect with other people who haven't walked the same road that I am on right now. So am very thankful to all the ladies that take the time out of there day to write in there blogs.

P.S. Your son lookes just like you! He is absolutley precious.

Danielle Holsapple said...

Awesome post! I, too, am scrapbooking scripture - love it! On my blog is a link to a few scripture challenges about scrapping!
And thanks for reminding me how I can mother my boy from afar!