Friday, April 3, 2009

{hOmEsIcK....aGaIn}

Two years ago today, the most important man I had ever known, took his last breathe .

My daddy.

I was extremely close to him. We lived in different states, and I wasn't able to see him as often as I would have liked. You know....life happened: marriage, work, kids etc. But when we would speak on the phone, he seemed to take great joy in speaking to me, hearing about my latest challenges and ideas, and all of life's unavoidable heartaches. We were close and I know he loved me much.

His passing was beyond hard. My first real taste of death and all of it's foul flavor. It also fell at the fragile beginnings of some much needed healing in a relationship I had that had delivered me much betrayal. I was already hurting, and my daddy dieing soon took over all my energies and focus. Grief is so exhausting, isn't it? It hurts like what I imagine a perpetual heart attack being like- You can barely breathe, the pain quite intense in your chest, and you are suffocated completely with anxiety. As difficult as that time was, soon after it's news I was surrounded with hope. (I will get to that in a minute)
My daddy grew up in an home and boarding school that was very Episcopalian. He was unmistakably a cowboy. A marine. A man. A gentle spirit. You could never meet someone more charming, witty, tender, intelligent, kind and enjoyable to be around in all of your life. He is an impossible act to follow, my daddy! But I wasn't certain of his place with God or what kind of relationship he had with Him. (the minute is up now...) That is until the evening before He died, I was told he gave his life to Christ, (Praise God! Prayer works!!!) and therein entered into his eternal home, Heaven.

Thank you Jesus for your mercy.

I miss him beyond words. He was my friend. He was my daddy. He still is my daddy. His residents has changed is all. And as much as I miss him, I am very grateful, really, that he did not have to be here to watch his daughter go through the heartache of her lifetime, her baby passing. I believe that would have been more then his tender heart and his baby blues could bear.

So now, as I bow my head to pray, I often picture my daddy in the presence of a most merciful and loving God. And as he basks in His holiness, he holds his only grandson and they play, sing, and laugh, as they enjoy their new Home.....together!

Wishing I were there.

Missing you daddy! I love you!

Danforth Beal
May 25th, 1929-April 3, 2007
*****Doesn't he look just like the Marlboro man?! Such a stud! That's my daddy!!!*****

7 comments:

Rachel said...

Megan - what a special tribute to your dad. I didn't know you'd experienced the death of a parent. How difficult to deal with, especially now. I love that Macsen has his name and that they're together in Heaven. Praise God!

Jennifer Ross said...

It sounds like your dad was a real nice man. Yes...he is a stud!:) I'm sorry you are grieving two wonderful loves of your life.

Leslie said...

What a beautiful tribute. You've had so much loss in the past few years. I commend you for giving it all over to God and for using your losses to help others rather than wallowing in the pain. Thank you for your kind comment on my blog and for your prayers.

Blessings & prayers to you as well!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Thanks for sharing it.

Seraphim said...

He does look handsome. I am so glad your son has his name. They must be having so much fun together right now! Keeping you in my prayers always xxx

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Oh, sweet Megan...my heart aches with you...the "missing" is so intense isn't it? I miss my dear mama so much. Your father sounds wonderful. I can't wait until we meet one day in Heaven's glory. And, yes...I agree...he does look like the Marlboro man. Beautiful tribute from a beautiful daugher's heart...

Love and prayers...

Chelsea Pang said...

Isn't wonderful to have earthly Fathers who help us understand a little about our Heavenly Father's love and devotion? Great picture!