{GoDsPeEd}

This week many months ago, my only son was conceived. That thought is not only sad for the very obvious reason that he is not here with us anymore, but also because his parents are apart and his big sisters are left to wade through the grief, trauma, disappointment and confusion of being from a broken home. For us here, our home is broken.

For Macsen, THERE, his home is utterly complete!

I miss you everyday, all day. I am, however, so grateful you are FREE!

I am very sure that as your mommy I will never stop longing to hold you. To rock you to sleep. To nurse you until your tummy is full. To see those glittering eyes shine at me as you smile and laugh your way around the grass playing football (or your version of it anyway ;).

I will never stop missing you.

I will never stop thinking about what you are doing.

So I am left to do one thing:

I am left to LIVE.

Living by loving, loving by serving, serving by knowing that my prayers are being heard. Prayers of Godspeed in my life, my broken heart, and for the life of my girls. And believing that the same God that is playing with you, my sweet little boy, is loving me too.

Oh how very much your mommy loves you, Macsen!

Sweet dreams little man.....