Sunday, March 29, 2009

{GoDsPeEd}

This week many months ago, my only son was conceived. That thought is not only sad for the very obvious reason that he is not here with us anymore, but also because his parents are apart and his big sisters are left to wade through the grief, trauma, disappointment and confusion of being from a broken home. For us here, our home is broken.
For Macsen, THERE, his home is utterly complete!

I miss you everyday, all day. I am, however, so grateful you are FREE!
I am very sure that as your mommy I will never stop longing to hold you. To rock you to sleep. To nurse you until your tummy is full. To see those glittering eyes shine at me as you smile and laugh your way around the grass playing football (or your version of it anyway ;).
I will never stop missing you.
I will never stop thinking about what you are doing.
So I am left to do one thing:
I am left to LIVE.
Living by loving, loving by serving, serving by knowing that my prayers are being heard. Prayers of Godspeed in my life, my broken heart, and for the life of my girls. And believing that the same God that is playing with you, my sweet little boy, is loving me too.
Oh how very much your mommy loves you, Macsen!
Sweet dreams little man.....





8 comments:

Jennifer Ross said...

I don't know what to write. These pictures make me so sad.

~Jenny~

etrhodes said...

What a sweet sweet boy. I'm so sorry for your hurt. Longing for home with you!

Chelsea Pang said...

I am so sorry for your baby in heaven and broken home. The Lord has you in a very special place to minister to your children and others. Not that it makes it seem easy or right.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

So sorry for the brokenness we have on this earth...so grateful for the promise of "completeness" we have in heaven. Praying for you, sweet friend...

A Blessed Person said...

I don't know what to say, but I know macsen is in where God is now. He'll be watching and waiting for you in Heaven with our Lord. By the way I'm June and just like you I've just received the 'Greatest Blessing'.

Ruth said...

Love you and praying also for peace and healing. Because of sin, this world stinks and makes me long for heaven. I wish that we could get together and share a cup of coffee and our sweet boys memories and life. . .thank-you so much for being in this with me.

Leslie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I unexpectedly found myself pregnant last summer at 43. I miscarried at 8 weeks. I have been grieving ever since. My due date would have been May 2, and it has been getting more difficult as that date approaches, especially with Mother's Day the following weekend. However, I can't imagine going through what you have been through. Blessings to you and your family.

Bridget said...

i just found your blog through a friend and your words are so sweet and touching. God Bless your family and your right he is FREE in the arms of Jesus!