Monday, May 11, 2009

{dOuBlE wHaMmY}

As if yesterday wasn't hard enough.... it is also my wedding anniversary?!*!@*!? Ya, I know.

You just don"t get much more Jerry Springer Show then that, do ya? LOL. Whatever.....really the timing is a sad joke, isn't it? (I mean, you have to keep a sense of humor in this world though. Truly!)

I had to process each of these things, slowly, and one at a time. (Mother's Day and anniversary I mean) So now for my guts being laid out about how royally sucky it is that I sit here on my 8th wedding anniversary, completely estranged from my husband who moved out 5 short months after our boy went Home. He is sure he is completely beyond any issues he came into this marriage with (we both had them), and POSSIBLY willing to reconcile provided I #1. pretend like nothing has ever happened to destroy my trust, #2. ignore the fact that he treats me with no respect and love for all that God made me to be (Because after all....I am knowing how very human and imperfect, flawed, ugly at times and certainly self seeking on occasion I am and can be. But, HENCE NEEDING JESUS- IMMENSELY!!!)
To which I say to him:

I love Megan. She has been through ENOUGH already.

She is above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10) PERIOD. I could swim through rivers of scripture and give dozens to convey and defend what I am to EXPECT in a Godly marriage, but that one sums it up perfectly. And I certainly KNOW that I have had my fair share of "issues" in this as well. A lot was brought in heavy trunks to this marriage. (baggage I mean)All that to say-

I have not been treated above rubies. BUT....

I WILL, one day. I will wait for that.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
~Jeremiah 29:11

{That's for me! And I BELIEVE!}

As I told him weeks ago...."I am waiting for FIREPROOF". To which he said, "Sounds hot". (hardee har) He has not even sat and watched the movie?!

Michael- I forgive you. With my heart, mind and soul. I suck at best at communicating to you how I feel and what I mean, but I do know this: I have never heard God more clearly then when He told me these things:

This is to be your husband.

Forgive him.

Forgive him again.

God is like that. It isn't me, and I am sure ME has gotten in the way in much of this along the way......
BUT- I do forgive you.

{ H a p p y A n n i v e r s a r y }

I wonder what Macsen is thinking,
in the arms of The Most High as he looks down upon us tonight?

His aim is now clearly, HIS aim. Shouldn't we make it ours?


Lynnette Kraft said...

:( Praying for you tonight.

Rachel said...

Also praying for you this morning Megan! Praying for God's Will to be done in spite of all interference. The following verses helped me so much during my separation:

Isaiah 54:4-13
Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlastig kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay they stones with fair colours, and lay they foundations with sapphires. And I will make they windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all they borders of pleasant stones. And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of they children.

Stacy D said...

What a double whammy... I am praying.

Ruth said...

I love you ;-) I still need to watch Fireproof. . .hang in there, dearest!

Jennifer Ross said...

That was such a good post! So powerful! My husband and I have had our share of some really... REALLY horrible times. We just keep forgiving one another, which feels brutal sometimes, and keep moving on. The hard part is the scar that is left from the "problem". I think you are a very honorable woman, and God is very very proud of you.

Leslie said...

I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I have been praying for you.

I got my letter yesterday. Thank you so much for including me! It is so special. I am sure God had His hand on yours as you wrote it.

Continue to lean on Him, and I'm sure He'll lessen your sorrows. Blessings to you Megan!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Megan...I wish I had words...there are none that seem adequate. Praying for you, sweet friend. You are so giving, so beautiful, such an amazing generous heart...even in the midst of this storm upon storms. Thank you for your words of encouragement today. Please know that I am praying...and sending you much love, dear friend. You are valued far above rubies...thought of more than the grains of sand...thoughts of good and not harm, a future and a hope...and your God, who thinks of you so fondly...also delights in you and sings over you. You are dearly loved.

Love to you,