{dOuBlE wHaMmY}

As if yesterday wasn't hard enough.... it is also my wedding anniversary?!*!@*!? Ya, I know.

You just don"t get much more Jerry Springer Show then that, do ya? LOL. Whatever.....really the timing is a sad joke, isn't it? (I mean, you have to keep a sense of humor in this world though. Truly!)

I had to process each of these things, slowly, and one at a time. (Mother's Day and anniversary I mean) So now for my guts being laid out about how royally sucky it is that I sit here on my 8th wedding anniversary, completely estranged from my husband who moved out 5 short months after our boy went Home. He is sure he is completely beyond any issues he came into this marriage with (we both had them), and POSSIBLY willing to reconcile provided I #1. pretend like nothing has ever happened to destroy my trust, #2. ignore the fact that he treats me with no respect and love for all that God made me to be (Because after all....I am knowing how very human and imperfect, flawed, ugly at times and certainly self seeking on occasion I am and can be. But, HENCE NEEDING JESUS- IMMENSELY!!!)

To which I say to him:

I love Megan. She has been through ENOUGH already.

She is above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10) PERIOD. I could swim through rivers of scripture and give dozens to convey and defend what I am to EXPECT in a Godly marriage, but that one sums it up perfectly. And I certainly KNOW that I have had my fair share of "issues" in this as well. A lot was brought in heavy trunks to this marriage. (baggage I mean)All that to say-

I have not been treated above rubies. BUT....

I WILL, one day. I will wait for that.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

~Jeremiah 29:11

{That's for me! And I BELIEVE!}

As I told him weeks ago...."I am waiting for FIREPROOF". To which he said, "Sounds hot". (hardee har) He has not even sat and watched the movie?!

Michael- I forgive you. With my heart, mind and soul. I suck at best at communicating to you how I feel and what I mean, but I do know this: I have never heard God more clearly then when He told me these things:

This is to be your husband.

Forgive him.

Forgive him again.

God is like that. It isn't me, and I am sure ME has gotten in the way in much of this along the way......

BUT- I do forgive you.

{ H a p p y A n n i v e r s a r y }

I wonder what Macsen is thinking,

in the arms of The Most High as he looks down upon us tonight?

His aim is now clearly, HIS aim. Shouldn't we make it ours?