Thursday, July 16, 2009

{dEaR mAcSeN}

Regardless of the wiring God has given me, (to be an encourager I mean: I still have suckage moments! Is that a word? Well it is now!)

I have a son you know .

Just one, and his name is Macsen Danforth.

He looks like both of his sisters really. He has Mia's face shape. Her eyebrows and lips. But he has Maizy's head shape, and her nose and cheeks. He looks alot like his daddy.....very striking and handsome. He might have actually been a loud mouth like his mama! lol- we'll see....

Holy wow do I miss him......

Dear Macsen,
Little baby, there is so much to tell, where do I begin, except with....WOWZERS, I LOVE YOU!
You are missed beyond actual words, but I promise when I see you I will show you with my hugs and kisses. I am excited and tired just thinking about it. I'de do that all now if I could!

Macsen, mommy and daddy have made so many mistakes. We haven't always loved God more then other things. We haven't always looked to Him for our comfort and help as we should. I know it is difficult for you to understand that, because He, is all you have known. That actually is something I am quite envious of. You truly are missing nothing down here my boy. And I am sure you are at perfect peace knowing that one day you will be with all of those that love you here and long to know you so much more. God is so good about telling us His promises. I need to remember that on days like today. Days like this where I long so much to hold your strong,all boy body. To feel you pull my hair and slobber all over my cheek. Nothing could be less glamorous and yet so appealing all in one.

But...I do trust God. That is one thing the enemy was counting against. I trust Him, and further more- I embrace His plan for me all the more! That not only would I come to know Him more clearly, but that I would be used to glorify Him more magnificently! More freakishly, really!

You skipping this place has a whole lot more good coming from it then not! It's me that needs to just get over it, and see it through the Father's eyes. And He is gentle....knowing too clearly, just what a heartache it is....but we want what is best for THE KINGDOM. For the glory of this KING we serve. Let how I handle this be an act of worship, Lord!

Mommy and daddy, as you know have been struggling to get to this place. We have turned against each other at times and looked at one another as enemies, rather then fellow soldiers. That time is behind us. Your prayers have paid off my sweet, Saint son. Intercession with King Jesus has it's rewards, eh?! :) God has reached into daddy's heart and begun to cleanse it. To remove his spiritual fog from his eyes and reveal His goodness, truth, hope, love, and REDEMPTION! The battle is not yet through. Satan has changed his tactics and is calling on more forces. But so is our God. And greater is He that is in us then he that is in the world!

Not one day goes by that your name is not said. That you are not thought of. That we do not long to hold and love on the sweetest little boy these arms will ever hold. You are our son. You are your sisters brother. PERIOD. Here. Or there.

Sing loud sweet little man! Keep are the mightiest soldier I have ever known, and mommy loves you. Listen to your Abba daddy.....Holy Spirit, help us to listen and hear too.

We love you and have seared you in our hearts where you will dwell until we meet you face to face.....what a sweet day that will be! sigh...... And so I press on toward the goal........

I love you endlessly ~Mommy

What a beautiful boy you are.....
if I do say so myself! : ) All boy.
My little bruiser.


Ruth said...

Dearest- I know, your heart is aching but I just love how you write and share and I am so grateful to God for you and for our sons' brief moments of grace. I am praying and I love you. I am growing so much by your testimony and through all this hurt and frustrations. Can't wait to get to heaven.

Holly said...

Macsen is such a darling little boy and I know you miss him so much!! I pray that God continues to work.

Jennifer Ross said...

What a beautiful letter to your dear son. He must be so proud of his mommy!! Yes, he is all boy, and so so handsome.

Much Love,

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

He is so beautiful...

Love and prayers to you...

Lynnette Kraft said...

Macsen is a beautiful baby. I know how hard it is to go on without that precious little one in your life, but I just can't get over how wonderful it is that we'll live for eternity together! Praise God!

Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures.

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