Sunday, July 12, 2009

{eYeS oPeN}


I attended a service tonight at a church I do not normally attend. It was such a breathe of fresh air. Have you ever been in a service/moment/prayer/worship where the tears just flow. There isn't anything out of sight said or done, it is simply that the Holy Spirit is there and He is there in ALL of His greatness and love?! If you have, then you know already, without having been there, what this service was like for me tonight. Maybe it's just where I'm at right now in my walk with the Lord. He is so much more awesome, real, great, loving, forgiving, all-knowing, powerful, strong, in charge, mighty, royal, tender, merciful, glorious, endearing, empowering, majestic, magnificent, magnetic, intense, suffocating, irresistible, stilling, wise, lovely, and beautiful then I have ever known Him to be. And this is just the beginning of what it is that He is trying to show me. The amazing truth to all of that profound realization, is that I am positive that I would not have discovered all of these attributes, characteristics and truths about our God had I (are you ready for this) -not had my baby boy born asleep.

My eyes were opened because He chose for me to see Macsen's eyes closed....only to be seen open in paradise.


Humbling truth. But truth.

My son is in my heart. He is in the breeze. He is in the belly laughter that trails down the steps in my home from my daughters. He is in every embrace that my husband and I have.He is in every stroke of the brush that I take as I paint another box for a family facing this new challenging journey of infant loss. He is with his family every time we gather together. (Like in this picture which is one of many in this road of restoration for my husband and I and this family that Satan will not win. Hallelujah! Praise you Jesus! But notice too in the pic, where I keep my Macsen always....his picture around my neck. I am so proud of that little man! I HAVE to see him regularly!) He is in the tears that I shed every time I feel the Holy Spirit wooing me and those I love as we bend our knees in adoration to this King. This King that made it possible that good-bye is not good-bye, but instead, until we meet again....
The same King that my son is worshipping in this very moment. And in this one. And this. And this. And....

I would like to encourage anyone reading this to remember that any trial you have had to face- Any loss you are having to endure- Any struggle you are wrestling with- Any place you are fighting to leave......HE LOVES YOU. HE IS WITH YOU. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. NEVER!

Let's wake up people! wake up! He is there and He so desires for us to grab His capable hand...and fly!!!!!!!!!!

Trials are not punishment. They are training. Training to build our spiritual muscles and to build our most valued weapon: OUR FAITH!

p.s the song playing may or may not jive with this post...but it certainly jives with all of us wayward spirits that too often can stray from our God! My husband loves this song. He seems to really identify with it. I certainly do! His mercy is beyond amazing. I have 2 words for you:

AWE SOME!

lol



7 comments:

Ruth said...

Thank-you so much for this posting. I concur about the growing of my faith and the opportunity to share the gospel that is so real and amazing and growing and fruitful but that probably wouldn't be there if Renner hadn't died. Sometimes, tho' it is just so frustrating, sad and hard and I know in my head and my Heart that God is doing a BIG thind for eternity but I selfishly want what I want now, here and can't fathom heaven. I have definitely been struggling again this week with the longing from the loss and the sorrowfilled burden altho, I have tasted and seen that God is good and He wants to and is providing me with many "good" things, I just struggle with why not my son, wasn't he a good thing and the way that you put, we are in training!!! And my sweet Ren went from my arms to God's and in HIS presence and HIS peace and HIS perfection!! Thank-you for your support and sharing your life with me. your sister in HIM-Ruth

Lynnette Kraft said...

God is showing you so much through your trials. I can see him at work and I feel compelled to say Praise God!

I've prayed for you and will again tonight (and for your husband).
Love,
Lynnette

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Beautiful faith...amazing testimony of His love and grace. And...can I just say...that family picture did my heart good tonight (this morning! I'm up...can't sleep.). I love His amazing grace...and especially His restoring, transforming power. Love how He makes beauty from ashes. Oh...He does, He does. Amazing to watch. Thanks for this post, girl. Still praying....


God is not finished...

Love you,
Kelly

Holly said...

I love that you wear a picture of him around your neck. :)

Eyes wide open

Rachel said...

A beautiful picture of your family - with Macsen next to your heart!

Trennia said...

Beautifully written..

Jennifer Ross said...

What truth you write! No matter how much it hurts, the Lord has opened my eyes also. The lessons that I have learned, are priceless.

That is a great picture of you and your family.

Love,
Jenny