Monday, December 14, 2009

{OnE DaY}

Two short years ago tonight, my sweet little man, Macsen, went Home to be with Jesus.

It was busy day. I had a very head-strong little girl to run to and fro at school. Another lover littler girl to tote around as we did some much needed Christmas shopping. All of which, mind you- I was doing while being A HOUSE! I (partly) kid about the fact that that little boy had such an appetite. I distinctly remember one night shortly before "tonight", I had made Maizy's favorite, spaghetti with turkey meat sauce. It is typical on such a night, for her to go back for huge seconds, and the whole family really would go on and on about it! So you might imagine it shocking and humorous to watch me, (looking like a house, remember....I gained almost 60 pounds with him. I know- stop hyperventilating) go back for FOURTHS! We didn't want to know the sex of the baby, but that should have been a slam dunk clue,eh?! the boy, was all boy!

Well tonight, 2 years ago, I was on my kitchen floor, practically having to do yoga just to wrap the simplest of gifts. It was miserable, and I voiced it loud, and often. Less then 24 hours later, however, I was wishing/praying/pleading/begging to be that miserable again! After all, it was a far cry from what my heart was currently enduring and would endure in the days and weeks and months, and I see now, years after....

All I know to say tonight is this: having a child go before you......royally sucks! Hate it...with every fiber of who I am.

My comfort?

He is in PARADISE.

Luke 23:42-43 Then he said, : Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom".

Jesus answered him and said, "I tell you there truth, TODAY you will be with me in paradise".

He is with his CREATOR.

Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.

I will be with him ONE DAY.

2 Timothy 4:18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

It's just hard not wanting that ONE DAY to be today......

*Tonight, I post also, the first 7 songs on my playlist (below) that "sing" most to me in this sea of grieving my only boy. I hope you will take time to stop. Listen. Hear the words of each...they are so good, and better convey my heart and where I am, want to be, and will be One Day with all of this....... The first song is most definately the ministry "theme" song. I knew it the second I heard it, which was just 2 weeks after "tonight".

Tomorrow I actually held him. A dream really. I was like a 3 year old little girl. Suddenly I realized I have NOTHING in my control. It sealed the deal for my faith, really though. Ironic, yes! I ask that you PLEASE pray for me. I will not be posting for a bit as to just absorb all of this crap, called my life. I know I am not alone...I am being carried! Thank you.....

Macsen, I SO love you! My handsome, bruiser boy! I will see you soon!

Happy 2nd birthday!


Trennia said...

Happy Heavenly Birthday sweet boy...(((HUGS))) to your mommy.

Holly said...

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven, Macsen. Oh, the sights and sounds you expereince in your Home! If only today could be the day we see them again...

Jennifer Ross said...

My heart is with you Megan. I remember saying how much I hated being pregnant...that was one week before I lost Isaiah. I have never lived that down.

I know that our boys are in heaven with their creator... that's my only comfort. It's still so so hard.

Happy happy birthday Macsen! Your mommy loves you so much!

God Bless

The Photography of Lindsay Alexander said...

Oh sweet girl how my heart aches for you. Lets have a phone chat after the holidays okay? Lifting you daily sister.

Franchesca Cox said...

Happy 2nd Birthday, Macsen. Such comforting verses, and yes, he is with his Creator :)


Ruth said...

Oh, dear. Beautifully written. Thank-you for reminding me of God's TRUTH. I love you. I am so gratefully for you. May Christ continue to dwell in you richly and encourage you this holiday season and around this dates of your son's birth. Peace-Your sister and fellow mother in mourning yet with JOY.