{LeGaCy}

What person could honestly say that when they die, that they don't hope their life left some kind of a mark? One to grow from, learn from or be inspired by? A mark that encompasses the hope they had, the things they loved, and ultimately the part they played in having been used through their own hurts, pain, regrets and mistakes. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, turn it all around in a way that brings glory to God and the heart He has for His people. I for one want desperately to leave that kind of mark! That kind of legacy. He is very much in the business of redemption! It is His specialty, and His delight! And it no doubt is what brings Him the most glory!

For me, a "legacy" reaches easiest in terms of my little one's and the impression my every move makes upon them. When I look back and really ponder my own childhood, and all the memories I have, I am astounded at what my mind has been able to retain! Small things, yet huge in their ability to really depict those moments I ponder of my youth. ( It helps me to stay mindful of the small minds I now am a mommy too. God help me be bright!!!!)

The small things are small, but they remind me of my true first brush with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. So many things....small-yet huge. Like the smell of home made bread.The time taken to remind me that others have feelings, and sharing and being kind are right, and necessary. I can remember vividly, as if it were yesterday the times my mom would put extra creativity into things! Those things have so stuck! Huge part of why I now strive to be an *oober* colorful mom. ( Oober was so borrowed from a " mentor/ friend-mom"of mine, Debbie. Hi deb! That word is so great!) Every birthday was special, unique and had something involved about it. Like one year she made a detailed Super Woman on my birthday cake with frosting. (You could even see her little arm bands! I loved Super Woman! ) Small.....but big to me. We lived out in the country. Way out in the country I might add, and I can only imagine what a struggle it must have been to dream up things to have us do so we didn't kill each other, nor drive our mom to utter "crazy"! I can so more appreciate that now that I have small people that are ferocious in the "entertain-me-right-now-department". I remember once my mom having my brother and sister and I go out in the October Montana cold to walk around the house a few times on Halloween, only to come through the back porch to a hauntingly fun feast. The lights were dimmed , only lit by candles, my mom was in a costume, (for whatever reason, I have deleted the what costume it was from my mind! RANDOM) and the table was set with crazy, sugary treats, scary prizes and spooky everything! All translated by my small eyes as: LOVE! She put time, energy, thought, time and SELFISHNESS into being a mommy. Being a good parent, i am seeing, can be pretty much rapped up in that one word. I still have to work on that.

I pray that as my babies look back upon the life of their mommy, that they see a woman that first and foremost loved! Loved them, loved God, loved life and all that He had written for the life He had for her. I pray that they see that despite the pain that came my way, and the heartache that I did not choose nor create: Mommy faced it knowing that she is loved by a God that surpasses our own reasoning, intellect, and our own human ability to love. It was Him. It was Him that carried mommy. It was Him that gave her ability where it looked impossible. It was Him that whispered visions into her ears. It was Him that kept her striving towards hope. It was Him that never did leave her nor forsake her. It was Him. It was always Him. He is so good. He loved my mommy, and I know He loves me!

I know that each of us, as mother's, friend's, daughter's, and wive's desire to leave a legacy worthy of leaving! And I pray it's a desire to leave a legacy that doesn't embellish us .....but instead magnifies HIM! I love you God.

The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the
name of the wicked will rot. ~ Proverbs 10:7

{He WiLl NeVeR lEaVe NoR fOrSaKe}

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

~Ephesians 3:20-21

Meditation upon that verse alone can transform every facet of our lives. It encompasses hope. It is all about FAITH. Something I must admit that has been rattled more lately, then in all of my days before. I KNOW that I love Jesus. I know that His word is TRUTH. I know that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. I can hear my sweet pretty little Mia Brooke saying, "mommy what does forsake mean?" Once more my 6 year old leaves me stumped to know how to answer her in a way she can grasp. A way I can grasp?! So again I am drawn to a source beyond myself....
THE DICTIONARY. (I for one am grateful for it....humble enough to admit I use it often. As I do the thesaurus, and my most favorite-the spell check! Thank you Lord for the person you implanted with that vision! So awesome, and so awesomely needed!!!!!!!!)

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This
Forsake For*sake"\, v. t. [imp. Forsook; p. p. Forsaken; p. pr. & vb. n. Forsaking.] [AS. forsacan to oppose, refuse; for- + sacan to contend, strive; akin to Goth. sakan. See For-, and Sake.]
1. To quit or leave entirely; to desert; to abandon; to depart or withdraw from; to leave; as, false friends and flatterers forsake us in adversity.
If his children forsake my law, and walk not in my judgments. --Ps. lxxxix. 30.
2. To renounce; to reject; to refuse.
If you forsake the offer of their love. --Shak.
Syn: To abandon; quit; desert; fail; relinquish; give up; renounce; reject. See Abandon.

As I go through the process of learning how better to answer my sweet baby girl that has a hunger to know this God I speak of, I am also brought to tears as I learn of His most incredible love for me. A love that I have not seen from any human, nor will I ever. He is there always. Really, whether I like it or not...He is there.

Jesus, even when we are going through the fire, YOU are there. Just as you were with Shadrack, Meshack, and a Bumblebee. (Sorry...seen the Veggie Tales one too many times....Abendigo.)
Thank you that you are there. Nothing gets past you, and nothing happens to me, around me, or inspight of me without first going through your Sovereign hands. And how that makes me love you more! You are always Faithful, True, and Good. You are beyond what any person can offer, pretend or try to imitate! You are the BEST thing that has ever happened to me! And as you are in the presence of all of those that have gone before us, that we dearly love and miss, we are left down here knowing this:

YOU ARE GOD. YOU ARE AWESOME. YOU LOVED US ENOUGH TO SEND YOUR ONLY SON, THAT WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH YOU FOREVER. THAT IS SOME HEAD-OVER-HEALS-LOVE IF I HAVE EVER SEEN IT! SWEEP US US ALL OFF OUR FEET AS ONLY YOU CAN! I LOVE YOU MY KING. KISS SWEET MACSEN FOR ME!

{My PuRpOsE}

My childhood was amazing. I played in snow, had access to nature regularly, I had siblings that I loved and knew had my back. I was open, adventuresome, and full of life.... ready for whatever came my way. From a young age, I recall thinking about stuff that seemed less important then the norm to my friends or siblings. Not that I was above them, or anything, just set apart for a different purpose. God has wired Megan with an incredibly tender heart! OK, yes, I am that friend, the one that cries at all the "tear jerker" scenes in movies. Pass the tissues please. And even when I was young, I remember going into a restaurant with my family, and seeing alot going on around me, but always honing in on the person that was sitting and dining alone. The one person that had no one to talk to. No one to look at across the table. I would alert my mom to such a person, and she would ask, "Megan, do you want to go sit with them?" "No", I would say. Thinking -that would feel weird and uncomfortable. There was not a time throughout our meal, however, that I didn't think about that person, and pay close attention to them between bites. (Or between smashing little coffee creamer cups on the floor! Did anyone else do stuff like that, or were my brother, sister and I the only demented ones out there? We used to get such cheap thrills from that. All fun and games until I became a waitress, and was the one cleaning up after all the "fun".) I guess the place where I find myself now, is really not that surprising or out of place......almost purposeful. God calling me, and using me to be a source of His comfort, compassion, mercy, and kindness. What an absolute honor, and incredible responsibility. Not a place you want to be in without the living God indwelling you.

Macsen's exodus Home has brought to light many pieces of a puzzle for me, we might call "purpose". I certainly would not have chosen this path for myself, but I know enough about my Father in Heaven that I know He allowed it because He knows BEST! He loves me and wants to see me soar, that I might glorify HIM.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

This is such a "staple" verse in the Bible, that I am sure many of you reading, already know. If you don't know it though-memorize it! IT IS TRUTH. IT IS FROM GOD. IT IS FOR YOU!He indeed has a purpose for each of us. I know it will not look like what we think it will, but His plan is perfect. His purpose for you, my friend.... is perfect. Let go, and let Him do His thing! We will never regret being in His will! We will never regret living out our PURPOSE!

{JoHn 3:16}

There is real comfort in knowing that whatever this life hands us, we will never walk through it alone. I remember that morning in December when my heart was broken, and my life was changed forever. It is difficult to describe the "knowledge" that I was not alone even then. I lay in that hospital bed, with a peace that words can't really paint, recalling a movie I had seen just nights before. It was The Nativity Story and I was engrossed in the plot that was certainly no surprise....but was still utterly exciting. As I watched it, I related to Mary closely, as she was with child, so was I. It made the reality of their journey and trials all the more appreciated. I mean, I was sitting on a cushy sofa, with the heat on and far more popcorn then one person should ever want (or have for that matter)....and I was still uncomfortable! Watching her ride rugged terrain on the back of a donkey, little food and less rest, it gave me new eyes to see what is such an amazing event in history.It was the scene when Joseph and Mary make it just in time to the birth place. Mary is crying out in pain, her labor pains growing and growing. The sky seeming to open up and pour out light upon them. As I watched....all I could picture was our Father in heaven, as He look down upon the birth of His only son. The son He already knew and loved and had chosen, in His perfect time, to take on the very sins of this world. My sin.....ALL OF IT! With each caption mounting in the drama of what was taking place, I was literally grief stricken as I attempted to see it through God's eyes. I was so hysterically crying that the movie had to be paused that I might catch my breathe. "I just don't understand!" I said, " I don't understand God? How can He love us so much, that He would allow Jesus to come here, and have His life taken for me and all that I have done?????" As I tried to soke it all in, I thought to myself....I would never give up my child!


So as I lay in the hospital bed, replaying that night to a few brothers and sisters that were there to grieve with me, it's as if God whispered to me....."I knew that you wouldn't give up your child willingly, Megan. So I went ahead and did it for you." Somewhere in there, He is doing it for me, because He loves me! We may never see all that God is doing for us through our trials. Not on this side of glory, that is. But He IS doing something bigger then me. Bigger then you. And we can rest in knowing we aren't going through it alone.


So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


Remember that God loves you so much, that He willingly gave His son, to take your place that He might be able to spend an eternity with you. I thought I really understood that sacrifice, that night on my sofa. It felt so painful to think of being in the place God was in. Letting go of my son. Only after Macsen went home, did I really, then understand. John 3:16 is far more powerful to me now, then ever before in my life! His love is so great and so strong......HE GAVE HIS SON, JESUS! The same Jesus that now holds my Macsen in His arms! Thank you God for loving me that much. I don't understand it, but I most definately accept it!

{My KnIgHt In ShInInG aRmOr}

The thought of my son with my Jesus right now is a balm to a very weary, and frankly anxious day. I know what Jesus said, of how we are to be anxious for nothing. To cast all burdens upon Him. But I am without a doubt human. And there for I am in dire need of mind transformation. We all are, no one is without that same need. I often relay something I heard of Billy Graham not too long ago. Bear in mind, i view this man as no less of a human then we all are. But he is one that God has placed much responsibility on, which heightens my respect and interest in him and there for also my eagerness to hear from his years of wisdom. He was asked about his life and what it would be that he might do differently. His response was without hesitation and completely personal experience. "I would have memorized more scripture." He clearly is in no need of doing such a thing to gain respect or position in the eyes of this world. No, rather he knows that hiding God's word in our heart is going to be our saving grace in times of need. Our rescue mission when we are lost. Or my own secret cry- my knight in shining armor that saves me from this dark, hurtful world!

Jesus, you are my King. My savior. The lover of my soul. How I long to know you more fully. Fill me and those that have my same cry, with an unquenchable thirst for your word. A thirst that satisfies, yet drowns us in addiction of your love. You are worthy of our hearts, worthy of our minds, worthy of our very lives. Take them in your gentle hands, and use them for your glory. And on that most precious day, that you ride in on the clouds, I would see you, My King, smiling down on me. My Knight, flying in to rescue me unto His eternal Kingdom...where I am welcomed to His feasting table, only to be ushered to my seat, where beside me is my son, Macsen.
SIGH. Pressing on..............................You are worthy, Lord, of my LIFE!