Saturday, September 6, 2008

{JoHn 3:16}

There is real comfort in knowing that whatever this life hands us, we will never walk through it alone. I remember that morning in December when my heart was broken, and my life was changed forever. It is difficult to describe the "knowledge" that I was not alone even then. I lay in that hospital bed, with a peace that words can't really paint, recalling a movie I had seen just nights before. It was The Nativity Story and I was engrossed in the plot that was certainly no surprise....but was still utterly exciting. As I watched it, I related to Mary closely, as she was with child, so was I. It made the reality of their journey and trials all the more appreciated. I mean, I was sitting on a cushy sofa, with the heat on and far more popcorn then one person should ever want (or have for that matter)....and I was still uncomfortable! Watching her ride rugged terrain on the back of a donkey, little food and less rest, it gave me new eyes to see what is such an amazing event in history.It was the scene when Joseph and Mary make it just in time to the birth place. Mary is crying out in pain, her labor pains growing and growing. The sky seeming to open up and pour out light upon them. As I watched....all I could picture was our Father in heaven, as He look down upon the birth of His only son. The son He already knew and loved and had chosen, in His perfect time, to take on the very sins of this world. My sin.....ALL OF IT! With each caption mounting in the drama of what was taking place, I was literally grief stricken as I attempted to see it through God's eyes. I was so hysterically crying that the movie had to be paused that I might catch my breathe. "I just don't understand!" I said, " I don't understand God? How can He love us so much, that He would allow Jesus to come here, and have His life taken for me and all that I have done?????" As I tried to soke it all in, I thought to myself....I would never give up my child!

So as I lay in the hospital bed, replaying that night to a few brothers and sisters that were there to grieve with me, it's as if God whispered to me....."I knew that you wouldn't give up your child willingly, Megan. So I went ahead and did it for you." Somewhere in there, He is doing it for me, because He loves me! We may never see all that God is doing for us through our trials. Not on this side of glory, that is. But He IS doing something bigger then me. Bigger then you. And we can rest in knowing we aren't going through it alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Remember that God loves you so much, that He willingly gave His son, to take your place that He might be able to spend an eternity with you. I thought I really understood that sacrifice, that night on my sofa. It felt so painful to think of being in the place God was in. Letting go of my son. Only after Macsen went home, did I really, then understand. John 3:16 is far more powerful to me now, then ever before in my life! His love is so great and so strong......HE GAVE HIS SON, JESUS! The same Jesus that now holds my Macsen in His arms! Thank you God for loving me that much. I don't understand it, but I most definately accept it!

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