{tHe SaMe YeStErDaY, tOdAy, AnD tOmOrRoW}

There is a lot about myself that I have chosen to keep close. I am mostly a very transparent, open person, more concerned with truth then image . But none the less, there are things I hold to myself. Only God and I can see into this delicate "jewel" box I have, where I hold these precious and personal things. One of those things is the place of joy, serenity and peace that I always felt spending time alone with my babies. Every stage of growth these little people have been in have blessed me, don't get me wrong. But, for me, there is a place that I would go with them, when they were in what I call the "tiny days" (i.e. birth-15ish months) that I would find myself literally swept away from this world, and all it's darkness. In those moments I could get lost in a way I have only felt similarly as being swept into a strong, anointed worship song. Or when I am in a bible study, where the "image" factor dissolves, and suddenly you are listening in on the hearts and minds of others....just like you, only on a path you haven't walked, yet somehow "get". Those "tiny days" go by so quickly. On especially hard days, those moments with those babies, and time in prayer to God, were all that got me through.

To say I don't think about all the "tiny days" I missed out on with my only son would be a lie. How different they likely would have been. More rambunctious. Louder. Messier. And in some ways, possibly sweeter. Sweeter, because for the first time I would be getting a very fresh, new, and up-close view at the life of being a boy. A boy, and all that being a boy has to offer. But to all those thoughts I say, "ok, maybe. Sure they would have been different. Yea, it's hard to know I have been without. Now add those thoughts, though to the mind-blowing perk of experiencing them for the first time in paradise!" (What do you think of them apples?) Suddenly what I don't have, looks more and more like a reward!

My own mortality has never been more palatable in all of my life. Death is real, and is indeed something we all will not get out of. The ultimate statistic.....ten out of ten people die. What are we going to do with our lives? Pretend like we know what is best for us, and do what best suits our "feelings"? Or rely on a God who knows us better then we know ourselves.....surrender to Him, die to ourselves, that we might gain life?! Live for other people, to serve them and not be served. It all sounds very backwards from this worlds standards....but this world is fickle, selfish, hurtful, vein, unfaithful and thank God, it's temporary. This world lies and lies some more.

THANK YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE FATHER. YOU ARE THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW. AS A CREATURE OF HABIT AND ONE THAT HAS A HEART THAT CAN BE HURT, AND SO VERY MUCH IS, I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TRUENESS. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR DEVOTION. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR LOVE. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS. HELP ME LIVE A LIFE THAT EXEMPLIFIES ALL OF THOSE SAME ATTRIBUTES. SHOW ME THE PATH YOU CHOOSE ME TO WALK, AND GIVE ME YOUR SPIRIT, THAT OTHERS WOULD BE DRAWN TO YOU, AND DESIRE ALL THAT YOU ARE. YOUR DEATH, SWEET JESUS, IS CLEARLY WORTH SEEKING AFTER TRUTH, DIEING TO SELF, AND STANDING FIRM IN FAITH. HELP ME WITH MY LACK OF FAITH! I KNOW YOU CAN.....I KNOW YOU WILL! YOU, WHO ARE THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW. WORTHY IS THE LAMB!