From the naked eye there has been only things lost with my son going home before I will. Not seeing his big brown eyes. Not watching him scoot around like the full-on boy that he is. Not feeling him wrap his arms around my neck and squeeze. Not watching him chase his sisters around the house as he pretends to be a dragon out to get the princesses. There are many things that I have lost. But listen to all that I've gained! I've gained a more precious outlook on life here with my girls. I've gained the opportunity to use my pain and grief to help others. Particularly for those that suffer through this without King Jesus to carry them. I've gained utter conviction about our future home and the hope that is there for all of us! I've gained a perk in Heaven that most don't have. Not only will I come into the presence of our Savior and our God, but I will get acquainted with my Macsen in sheer paradise, and there will never be another good bye again! The most valuable thing I have gained however, I have gained increased faith!
Soon after I came home from the hospital I recall praying with some dear sisters in Christ, and simply and honestly saying, "There is nothing that this life can hand me Lord, that will cause me to not be in love with you. And you knew this event wouldn't either. But had you let him stay here with me, it would have created more love for you in me. This has not." Very pure, and very honest my words that dark afternoon. But now I know God must have been looking down, hearing me, and whispering into His recent arrivals ear, baby Macsen," Not yet Megan. Not yet. But you will!"
God is a paradox. He has taken, yes. But He has given so much.
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."