Thursday, July 31, 2008

{GaInEd MoRe ThEn LoSt!}

Becoming a parent has shed such light for me, on just exactly how it is God grows us. A really good parent does not give their child whatever their hearts desire. Saying yes is easier, and temporarily feels good, but it creates unappreciative and thankless grown ups. Saying no is more difficult. It takes more time to explain the reasons for saying it, and sometimes there are "fits thrown". The concern needs to be more about growing character, not giving comfort. God is such a paradox. He tells us to 'lose our life, and then we will find it', that loving others when they aren't loving to you is far more effective then treating them as they are treating you, and often times more is gained in loss then lost in loss. Job is a prime example. As his story unfolds, and all that he had, then all that he lost, it's painful to read about. And true, he gets back more riches, and children then he had originally lost, but the most valuable thing he gained from all that loss, was increased faith! Think how much bigger his God was after having gone through all of that! And Job's God was big to begin with. But after every trial, every loss, every moment of hurt, he gained knowing more, an absolutely awesome, powerful, and giving God!

From the naked eye there has been only things lost with my son going home before I will. Not seeing his big brown eyes. Not watching him scoot around like the full-on boy that he is. Not feeling him wrap his arms around my neck and squeeze. Not watching him chase his sisters around the house as he pretends to be a dragon out to get the princesses. There are many things that I have lost. But listen to all that I've gained! I've gained a more precious outlook on life here with my girls. I've gained the opportunity to use my pain and grief to help others. Particularly for those that suffer through this without King Jesus to carry them. I've gained utter conviction about our future home and the hope that is there for all of us! I've gained a perk in Heaven that most don't have. Not only will I come into the presence of our Savior and our God, but I will get acquainted with my Macsen in sheer paradise, and there will never be another good bye again! The most valuable thing I have gained however, I have gained increased faith!

Soon after I came home from the hospital I recall praying with some dear sisters in Christ, and simply and honestly saying, "There is nothing that this life can hand me Lord, that will cause me to not be in love with you. And you knew this event wouldn't either. But had you let him stay here with me, it would have created more love for you in me. This has not." Very pure, and very honest my words that dark afternoon. But now I know God must have been looking down, hearing me, and whispering into His recent arrivals ear, baby Macsen," Not yet Megan. Not yet. But you will!"

God is a paradox. He has taken, yes. But He has given so much.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised."

1 comment:

Jessica Gonzalez said...

Meg, it's nice to be connected to your thoughts again (even if it's through a blog)! God has done so much in your life.