{tHe SaMe YeStErDaY, tOdAy, AnD tOmOrRoW}

There is a lot about myself that I have chosen to keep close. I am mostly a very transparent, open person, more concerned with truth then image . But none the less, there are things I hold to myself. Only God and I can see into this delicate "jewel" box I have, where I hold these precious and personal things. One of those things is the place of joy, serenity and peace that I always felt spending time alone with my babies. Every stage of growth these little people have been in have blessed me, don't get me wrong. But, for me, there is a place that I would go with them, when they were in what I call the "tiny days" (i.e. birth-15ish months) that I would find myself literally swept away from this world, and all it's darkness. In those moments I could get lost in a way I have only felt similarly as being swept into a strong, anointed worship song. Or when I am in a bible study, where the "image" factor dissolves, and suddenly you are listening in on the hearts and minds of others....just like you, only on a path you haven't walked, yet somehow "get". Those "tiny days" go by so quickly. On especially hard days, those moments with those babies, and time in prayer to God, were all that got me through.

To say I don't think about all the "tiny days" I missed out on with my only son would be a lie. How different they likely would have been. More rambunctious. Louder. Messier. And in some ways, possibly sweeter. Sweeter, because for the first time I would be getting a very fresh, new, and up-close view at the life of being a boy. A boy, and all that being a boy has to offer. But to all those thoughts I say, "ok, maybe. Sure they would have been different. Yea, it's hard to know I have been without. Now add those thoughts, though to the mind-blowing perk of experiencing them for the first time in paradise!" (What do you think of them apples?) Suddenly what I don't have, looks more and more like a reward!

My own mortality has never been more palatable in all of my life. Death is real, and is indeed something we all will not get out of. The ultimate statistic.....ten out of ten people die. What are we going to do with our lives? Pretend like we know what is best for us, and do what best suits our "feelings"? Or rely on a God who knows us better then we know ourselves.....surrender to Him, die to ourselves, that we might gain life?! Live for other people, to serve them and not be served. It all sounds very backwards from this worlds standards....but this world is fickle, selfish, hurtful, vein, unfaithful and thank God, it's temporary. This world lies and lies some more.

THANK YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE FATHER. YOU ARE THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW. AS A CREATURE OF HABIT AND ONE THAT HAS A HEART THAT CAN BE HURT, AND SO VERY MUCH IS, I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TRUENESS. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR DEVOTION. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR LOVE. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS. HELP ME LIVE A LIFE THAT EXEMPLIFIES ALL OF THOSE SAME ATTRIBUTES. SHOW ME THE PATH YOU CHOOSE ME TO WALK, AND GIVE ME YOUR SPIRIT, THAT OTHERS WOULD BE DRAWN TO YOU, AND DESIRE ALL THAT YOU ARE. YOUR DEATH, SWEET JESUS, IS CLEARLY WORTH SEEKING AFTER TRUTH, DIEING TO SELF, AND STANDING FIRM IN FAITH. HELP ME WITH MY LACK OF FAITH! I KNOW YOU CAN.....I KNOW YOU WILL! YOU, WHO ARE THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW. WORTHY IS THE LAMB!

{tHiS jOuRnEy I aM oN}

This journey I am on, is mine. It is one with characters I would not have chosen for it, it has chapters I would have much rather deleted, and it has climaxes that have been gripping me right to the very end. I take a great deal of comfort in knowing, however, that my story, my journey, is not yet done.

I can look back on my life and see so much mercy it even now causes me to shake my head with disbelief. What radical living I did. Not radical in a good sense, but radical in it's complete selfish, destructive and ungrateful aroma. Living for myself, no matter the cost. Doing as I please, because "I pleased". Coming and going when and where I chose to. Thinking of no one other then myself.....and coming to the end of the day and scratching my head in confusion,as to why I wasn't feeling fulfilled? Until....

One day the Lord visited me in a very public and very shameful moment in my life. I will never, as long as I live forget what I heard Him say to me. He said, "Megan.....you, yes, you.....are sooooo much more then this. I have something for you that is far greater then anything you have known! You are mine, and this is so beneath you!" Well, if you have ever heard the very voice of God speak as clearly to you,as I did in that moment, you know how it is all you can do to comprehend it, let alone react to it! But, react I did. I listened to Him, and I had no reason not to believe Him, and to this day, still do not. Everything He is, says, does, and has for each and everyone of us, is all for us, because of His great and endless love for us! The key is getting past the, "well then why....?" questions, and the, "well if only......?"

That was the beginning of a very slow, sometimes rocky journey of faith in following Him. What else is there, really I thought? I remember, my brother, Angus would hear what I would have to say, or see me do something faith oriented, and say, "Megan....you are a zealot!" At the time, I was sord of offended, although my ignorance to it's meaning kept me from too much offense. But looking at it now, (and in all my most profound, grounded and sound theological thinking, NOT) I think, "Thank you! Whatever in the world could be more important then seeking out the One who is the very reason my heart beats?"

And as this journey of mine continues to unfold, I face the extreme reality of my only son's exodus Home. I face it with a choice before me....1} I can curl up in the fetal position, run from what God is doing in this, and how He might use this hurt to bring Himself glory or 2} I can embrace it and be submissive to Him using me and my experience to help others. To quote one of my most beloved bible teachers, and a hero in the faith, Beth Moore:

"Every time we suffer loss, we have an opportunity for the loss to bring gain for Jesus' sake by allowing His life to be revealed."

FATHER GOD, USE ME, USE MACSEN, USE MY VERY LIFE AND THE GREATEST BLESSING TO BRING YOU MUCH GLORY, THAT YOU, JESUS WOULD BE REVEALED. MAY OTHERS THAT HAVE BEEN CALLED TO THIS PATH OF GRIEVING THEIR CHILD WOULD COME TO KNOW YOU, AND YOUR UNMATCHABLE LOVE FOR THEM. OPEN MY HEART AND EYES TO THE VISION YOU HAVE TO DRAW CLOSE TO THE HURTING, AND REVEAL TO THEM YOUR CAPABLE, SAFE, AND FAITHFUL ARMS. TO YOU BE THE GLORY, FOREVER, AND EVER. AMEN

This journey I am on is mine.......and I wouldn't trade it for anything! (I have Heaven waiting for me....why would I? And my sweet little man to hold there! I will see you soon Macsen! I love you! Keep praying for mommy!)

{hOpE iN hEaVeN}

Close your eyes, and picture it..........

The cold December night air on your face. Warm jazzy Christmas music to charm the ambiance. Crisp white Christmas lights setting your eyes to drink in all the gorgeous baskets and gifts from the most generous of hearts. Taken away by the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and an elegant table of decadent desserts that almost sing to you. Precious person, upon precious person there with the same desire. To be a part, in someway to come alongside broken hearted mommy's and daddy's to remind them that all is not lost! There is indeed a purpose behind their sorrow. A purpose far greater then they could think or imagine. A purpose, that although extreme in it's level of hurt now, can be cradled by something only a God that loved us, so much He sent His son could provide. Cradled by a Hope in Heaven.

On December 15th, 2008 The Greatest Blessing Ministry is hosting it's 1st annual Silent Auction and Dessert. The money raised will go towards the growing of a ministry, that I know from very personal experience, is desperately needed. In the hospital I was given a simple satiny box to hold my son's belongings. His cap, his ID bracelet, a lock of his hair, and his delicate hand and foot casts. It was all nice.....but how do you put a limit on the degree of kindness and love when someone has been given such a rocky road to journey upon? His hair was in a zip lock bag, and the box was bulging and most definitely made in China. (no offense) Just not the perfection that should hold my sweet boys things.

The Greatest Blessing Memory Boxes,are intentionally created with a heavenly aura, and not overtly "baby boy", or "baby girl". To me, that is intensely depressing..... the idea is to help get minds off of the temporal, and onto the eternal. After all, there is no doubt, saved or unsaved, all agree that our babies are in a place of paradise and happier then anyone of us could dream, conjure up or attempt to pay for ourselves! Jesus already paid for it! The goal is to fill each box with gifts to help heal mind, body and spirit.

Organic Sage, Parsley and Rose Bud tea to aid the body in halting the lactation process.......

A beeswax candle to light in remembrance of the sweet life God blessed you with........

A unique to each box, journal. A place to pour out thoughts and prayers.....

A bookmark with a scripture message....'faith comes by hearing the word'..........

A beautiful and soft hand-made heart shaped flax seed and lavender pillow, that when warmed in the microwave will feel nice on those especially lonely nights.........(no image right now. I will get one soon....)

A small coordinating box to hold the little things....hair lock, ID bracelet, etc.....

A silver angel "mommy" pin to wear to act as a voice for those who might feel like being quite, but still let the world know who they are and what they helped create......(no image right now. I will get one soon....)

Heaven by Randy Alcorn mini-booklet to help, scripturally, answer those questions we all might have after someone we love dies. (no image right now. I will get one soon....)

Honestly....My hope is to have this box so packed with gifts, that closing it is a real challenge! To spill out love from a box that represents King Jesus. And all that He puts "into" us.

Come, save the date and step out into the December cold, and the promise in it's air that Jesus brought on that night in Bethlehem. Come celebrate Macsen Danforth's birthday Home, December 15th. Be there to support a cause that although new, is quite old in it's primace:

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. ~Galatians 5:14

The Greatest Blessing Ministry is hosting

{HOPE IN HEAVEN}

A Silent Auction and Dessert Event

To benefit families that suffer infant loss and to celebrate the life of Macsen Danforth and his 1st birthday Home!

at Greater Gresham Baptist Church in Gresham, Oregon

Monday,December 15th 2008 7pm-10pm

*Tickets will go on sale in the foyer of GGBC. $10. each. Contact Megan Gebhardt directly to purchase now. 503.953.2252

A small taste of items to be auctioned off are:

• Photography package donated by Full of Grace Photography (NILMDTS volunteer)

• Autographed Randy Alcorn book, Heaven
• Autographed fiction book Deadline by Randy Alcorn
• Autographed fiction book Deception by Randy Alcorn
• Autographed fiction book Dominion
• Get Out of That Pit Beth Moore book
• Jesus the One and Only hard cover devotional book by Beth Moore

• Hand made designer jewelry by Christa Collection
• 2 Car Details by 4 Wheel Fellowship
• "Starbucks or Bust" Gift Basket
• "Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Gets Hurt" Gift Basket
• All About Kids gift certificate

And much, much more! All utterly appropriate and special to give to your loved ones on Christmas, and all for a cause so worth while!

{A pRiViLeGe}

There was nothing quite like the nurses at Mt Hood Legacy Hospital, that unspeakable day in December. Their tenderness, care and genuine heart for us as we faced this rocky and unsure journey, was nothing less then the heart of Christ working in them all! It was one of the many ways I had the privilege (and yes you read that right....the privilege) of seeing God at work, and expressing His love for me so loudly. My sweet son being chosen to not have to face
this world: privilege. To be chosen to, prayerfully, be a beacon of light in the midst of Satan's signature....his ally or sidekick really-death. Privilege. God must have thought a lot of how He would be allowed to move through me in this time. He will not give us more then we can bare, and yet this happened? He knows all....He made it that I am more then a conqueror in Christ (Romans 8:37-39), and that this would be an ideal expression of that! Painful, yes....but He didn't even spare Jesus pain! Jesus, His only son whom He was so pleased! Jesus' pain had purpose. SO DOES OURS!

I have jokingly said (although I am very serious), I have a perk in Heaven, a lot of other people do not. Not only will I be in the presence of the ultimate lover of my soul, my creator, my best friend, my intercessor and biggest fan. The Lord Himself. Before my very eyes. I also, have the privilege of a formal introduction to my one and only son... Macsen Danforth. And as I am on my face with praise and adoration for my King before me, I will be at eye level with the sweetest little face I have ever seen. What an AWESOME day awaits me!
(I know...your almost jealous!)

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~1 Peter 1:6-7

{iNfAnT lOsS rEmEmBrAnCe DaY}

Let me be perfectly honest....over the years, Megan has gotten less and less political. Politicians are phony and slimy and frankly, when asked who I am voting for in the coming election, my pat answer is: "None of the above! Is there a place on the balled for 'THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS CHRIST'?" Cause I will so be all over that!!!!!!!!

All kidding aside though, I know we are called as Christians to speak our voice and do what we can. We live in the most prosperous nation in the world. Technology abounds here, and our medical quality is acclaimed as being top rate! Confusingly, however, the stillbirth rate is higher in the United States then in any other country in the world! Please let that soak in for a minute! Higher then in places where there are zero prenatal vitamins? Zero ultrasounds performed.? Even lack of hospitals?

If you don't have means to pursue the following actions.....do homework to know what it is you can do! This hurt is one that I can attest to being one, that if avoidable, we want to avoid it! Honor all the families today, that have a little one living with King Jesus. Pray for their hearts today. And pray that God would begin to reveal life through their pain.

P.S I love you Macsen!

_________________________________________________________________

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

Action Steps:

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

{ThE qUoTe...AnD mY pRaYeR}

This is a quote I just stumbled upon. It has sung to me in a very needed way tonight! Jesus, thank you for the pot holes You ordain....they always remind our feet, to tell our eyes to stay focused on YOU!

Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future;
faith is having the courage to dance to it today.
- Dr. Peter Kuzmic

{tHe ImPoSsIbLe}

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
~ Matthew 19:26

(* The picture is of Macsen's box....the original inspiration to go on and share hope with others!)

The last couple of years of my life have been extremely unforgiving. Challenges and cliffs have seemed to be at every turn. And in it all, my God has been willing and anxious to be there and see me through. There is nothing else that has been. Everything and everyone else asks, "what's in it for me?" God's economy is so far off from ours, and I for one am grateful it is. It most definitely doesn't always make sense to me, but in hind sight it is always what is best.



In the midst of these "impossible" times I can see the fingerprints of one that sees the beginning from the end. He sees it.....and He is unshaken by it. In fact, in my finite thinking I would for see the need for real quite and normality, but I have actually found that in those times (when I think I know what should be....funny), God then throws things in that put me absolutely out of my comfort zone! "Really God? Are you sure? I think you got my file mixed up with someone else! Do you remember what I've been through? What I am currently going through? That's crazy! You want me to do what?" Crazy huh? So was asking Peter to step out onto the crashing waves. So was instructing Noah to build an ark that would take years to construct. So was placing Joseph in multiple gloomy situations. How about when I told Moses to go back to a place he had been thrown from. Need I say more? Because I could......


I sit back, and scope all that God has asked me to do in times of trial, and I see IMPOSSIBLE. And then, our helpmate, the Holy Spirit says, All things are possible with God. Oh, how I hate to think of attempting to do any thing without you! Thank you for loving me with such an undeserved love!



Now I'll close my eyes....and step out of the boat!