Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Your place in Heaven with your precious baby.
Your little girl that you crave each night as you go to sleep.
Your sweet boy that you dream of breathing his sweet breathe in your face. I know your pain. I know it, and I know, that were it not for Jesus Christ, and His most capable and loving arms around me and my most outrageous of heartaches......I would be in complete darkness. Alone, and completely without hope. Without hope in Heaven. But to quote from my favorite band, Mercy Me, a song that I so love....
"Hold fast, help is on the way!!!!!"
Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! James5:7-9
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Yesterday....I missed him too.
Tomorrow....I will miss him some more........
With each day that goes by,however, that he is not here with me, there are many things I can celebrate. I can celebrate in knowing that there is a heaven and waiting for me there is a sweet little face that I will get to know for the very first time. I can celebrate in knowing my boy sees me, and is praying for me! Knowing that God sees all is clearly enough motivation to press on to righteousness. But having another set of eyes on me, makes it all the more. I think about, how often do we, with our whole being, not feel like doing something, but because our little one's eye's are on us, we do it anyhow. Do we ever regret when we press past those selfish feelings? To show the light we have deposited in us by the Holy Spirit? The light we so direly want them to have?! I am encouraged in knowing, now that Macsen is Home, there is no time in which my actions will not be seen by small eyes. That is a wake up call! And while I am here,I can celebrate in his big sisters. His sisters that have mannerisms that he may have shared. A laugh just like one of them, a way in which they ask for something with their "small person" voices. As I celebrate in them, I actually, am also celebrating in him! And he sees that. As does our God.....SEE ALL!
But our citizenship is in Heaven. Philippians 3:20
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Life, as of late is very barren. Dry. And without hope. This cool drink of water, which I read this morning has quenched this very thirsty spirit. And of course, patience is not at all a fine tuned fruit in Megan. But hope excites me. It calms me. It reminds me that I am looking to one far greater, more capable and that has my BEST interest at heart. Hope....worth resting in.
1.A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2.Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3.One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
4.often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
5.Archaic Trust; confidence.
Father....you are the Alpha and the Omega. What an awesome meditation that is! You know where I have been, and where I am going. And you desire for me to be prosperous
and not be harmed...you have plans for hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). Praise be to you, Father!
There is nothing that I am going through that is a puzzler to our God. Nothing He has not seen, or did not ordain. He is there. He is protecting. He is hope. He is.
There is no God like Jehovah!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
As time went on, she grew tired and hurt. The world was cruel to her. Always promising more and more, never following through with it's promises. People mistreated her and over looked the beauty deep within her. With each new pain that came her way, her talking with God became less and less. Until eventually, she was only speaking to Him when she wanted to ask for something.
One day, God gave her a gift, and she didn't even know it.This gift was like nothing that she had ever received before. It left her feeling heartbroken in a way that she had not known before. This gift was something she could not hold, and could not see. She could not hear it, and she could not feel it. This gift appeared to be without purpose. This gift perplexed the girl and had caused her to stop talking with God.
Eventually this girl felt very alone. Sad and afraid she wondered around, unsure of who she was. She had spent so many years talking with her God, that now that she wasn't any longer, she was without direction. Everything seemed hopeless. Shortly, there after, she realized her sadness could only be healed with one thing. Talking to her God.
Her talking with Him was new, like never before. It had changed somehow. There was a clearness there that hadn't been before. She felt closer and fuller to Him then she ever had. As she looked back upon her journey, everyday she thought of the gift God had given her. It was so unforgettable, yet invisible. But soon she realized, what a gift it actually was. This gift, that she could not hold or see, or hear or feel.... suddenly now she could. It looked different then she thought it would. But it was even more beautiful! And it didn't sound like what she imagined it would. It was so much more! And it certainly did not feel like she had pictured it might. It felt so much better! This gift, still she could not hold. But one day she will. And when she does.....
she never has to let go!
Macsen Danforth.....you are my gift from God. You are the reason that my heart desires God all the more. The reason that my purpose is more vivid. You are my boy, my gift. I love you baby!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I often wonder what it will feel like to be with you, in a place of perfection that will have no end. To know, and to be fully known. To experience your presence and be secure in the knowledge that this new place will be my Home for all of eternity. I will never hurt or be lied to again. I will be safe and loved and happy beyond any "happy" this world tries to fabricate. This paradise created for me, a place to celebrate Him, our King. No more mirages. No more untruths. No more hurt and pain. No more trials. No more waiting and longing to be with Macsen. I mean really, as if Heaven needed any perks?!
- Jesus Christ, before our very eyes
- no more Satan, HALLELUJAH!
- no more questions unanswered
- no concern of this "perfection" ending
- my sweet baby......there for me to hold, love, kiss, know, and forever be with! Never to miss again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Several exclamation points I know, but I want you to really feel my hysteria over that thought!)
God is so good. Were He not to have sent His only son, to take on our hideous sin, this place of paradise would not be ours to press on towards. To be so sure of when we're faced with loss.
Thank you Holy Father. That you loved us so much, that that which was so precious to you, (and some of us know all to well what that may have been like) that you sent your only Son, that we might be given eternity with you. Pour out your Spirit on us! That we would meditate on these daydreams often Father. That we would often ponder paradise! None of our pain is in vain. You are our Redeemer, and we choose to believe! Thank you that it will be rewarded! To you the glory!